


You, Me, and the Pit

by igotfiregirl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Jetko, Do not post on another site, Drug Addiction, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Past Child Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Pining, References to Drugs, Roommates, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, the trauma gang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25944715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igotfiregirl/pseuds/igotfiregirl
Summary: Sokka had big plans for his junior year at UCT. Parties, dean's list and coming out finally. Hey, go big or go home. He was excited to party with the gang, excited to finally take his father’s courses, excited to truly be who he wanted to be.Zuko couldn’t get the image of fire out of his mind. To be fair, it did scar him, permanently. On his face (and thirty percent of his body). As far as he ran, as far away from business as he could get, even if he never visited a single beach ever again, he wouldn’t be able to forget his father's face when he realized Zuko was alive.Or, the Zukka college au no one asked for with a side order of oh my god they were roommates.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 154
Kudos: 417





	1. Strike the Set

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall! I came up with this idea one day while weeding at work and I can't stop thinking about it so here we go! 
> 
> Everyone's 18+ but you'll never have to worry about explicit scenes that's not my forte. I'll add more tags as they come up! proofread by the amazing imaginesuperheroes, go find her on tumblr!
> 
> Please don't steal/repost and have a good time :):)

The elevator ride up to the third floor was absolutely exhilarating. Sokka and Aang were nearly shaking with the anticipation by the time the elevator dinged and the doors opened. The floor only housed two quads - just eight men on a floor together. They were basically apartments, but still on campus housing. Kitchenettes, living rooms, two large bedrooms, they really had it all.

  
“Come on, come on!” Aang turned left out of the elevator, Sokka right. Realizing he hadn’t been followed, Aang turned around when Sokka started to laugh, only to see Sokka unlocking their door. Suitcase in one hand and a desk lamp in the other, Aang swung his suitcase at Sokka, and missed by just a hair, to get in the door.

  
"Yo, dude!" Sokka laughed as he shoved Aang back, both of them popping into the room comically. As Aang ran around the quad yelling about how cool everything was - the boy was only 18, could you blame him? - Sokka just stood in the doorway to take everything in. There was a full size fridge?! Wonderful, Sokka absolutely loved to cook. The kitchen gleamed with stainless steel appliances and cherry stained wood cabinets. Down the hall Sokka could see the doors to the first bedroom and the bathroom, the second bedroom was off the -

  
“Watch out!” Sokka was just a hair too late and laughed as he watched Aang absolutely eat shit, landing in the conversation pit.

  
“Aw, fuck…” Aang sat up and rubbed his head. “Why is there a hole in the living room floor?” Sokka walked into the living room to help Aang up.

  
“It’s called a conversation pit, they were really popular in the seventies and I have no clue why there is one but I am honestly so excited that there is.”

  
“Dude… this place is all ours!” Aang was still vibrating with the excitement. Maybe this is why you usually have to be 21 to qualify for a quad (it doesn’t hurt to have connections in high places).

  
“Well, we’ll have other roommates, but you’re so right.” Sokka was excited too… There was so much to furnish! Even though he could probably furnish it with what he had in the van, he loved a good shopping spree. “Come on, let’s go get the rest of our stuff from the van.” Sokka and his sister Katara attended the same school, some 4000 miles away from their home. Katara followed her big brother to school because, even though neither of them would admit it to someone outside of the family, they missed each other terribly.

  
That, and Katara had figured that Sokka would need someone to share and participate in their indigenous culture; she had no idea that the university had such a large BIPOC demographic. They truly had a family away from home who were so interested in their culture, just as Sokka and Katara were interested in their families respective cultures. So, as the last fun thing Sokka and Katara did over the summer, they rented a van and drove all the 4000 some odd miles to school, picking up Aang on the way.

  
“Are you excited to see Suki?” Aang elbowed Sokka in the ribs, with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Sokka just smiled back.

  
“Of course I'm excited to see her.” He left it at that, but Aang could tell there was more to the story. He didn’t press it though.

  
“I can’t believe they’re letting us move in a day early, that’s pretty chill.” Aang was desperate to keep the conversation going in any direction. He loved his Uncle Gyatso dearly, and truly loved his high school friends back home, but coming to college and meeting all sorts of new and interesting people solidified his need for adventure. He grew up in a sleepy town, and he went to college in a sleepy town, but they were completely different. The university kept the town from becoming too boring for Aang.

  
“Yeah, I mean I’d hope they’d let people moving into pseudo-apartments come first, who wants to move a couch up the stairs with other people trying to get around you with a tiny lamp?” As they were heading out the door, Katara, Suki and Toph were coming in with armloads of things for their quad.

  
“Aang! What the hell did you do to your hair?” If her hands weren’t full, Suki would have ruffled Aang’s blue, short mohawk.

  
“Isn’t it cool! Gyatso helped me do it, kind of an impulse decision.” Aang rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged a little.

  
“Well I for one love it.” Even though she was wearing her glasses for move in day, Toph still wouldn’t pass up a good blind joke. She could see his hair (mostly), and did actually like it.

  
"It suits you." Softly, Katara offered Aang a small smile. Someday, hopefully soon, she'd gather up the courage to ask Aang out. Everyone in the gang were on the edge of their seats, waiting, hoping. "I've got most of my things out of the van already, it's all yours Sokka."

  
“Bitchin.” Sokka patted her on the back as the two groups parted once more. Sokka wondered what their quad looked like; were they all the same, or were they all different in one way or another? He secretly hoped they were the only ones with a conversation pit.

  
“Woah, why do you have so much stuff Sokka?” Of the ten foot truck, at least 75 percent of the stuff in it was Sokka’s.

  
“What can I say? I might have a small spending problem. You won’t be complaining when we have the best quad and throw the best parties.”

  
“We’re gonna have parties!?” Sokka smacked Aang on the arm.

  
“Not if you’re so loud! Keep that shit under wraps, you’re still underage Aang.” Sokka’s voice was hushed. “Let’s just get this all upstairs. I bet I have enough pillows to make that conversation pit a bed.”

* * *

Even though the quad wasn’t fully unpacked, Sokka was bursting to visit his favorite tea shop downtown. Well, it was called downtown when in reality it was where the one stoplight in the town was.

  
The gang met in the lobby and were heading out when the RA on duty shot out of the office.

  
"Hey, are you Sokka and Aang?" Her words trembled just a bit, which made Sokka a little nervous. Aang seemed to pick up on it too, but said nothing.

  
"Yeah, that's us." Sokka nudged Aang toward the RA. "You guys go on ahead, sounds important, we'll meet you at the Dragon." With a chorus of goodbyes, the girls left. Sokka and Aang turned their attention.

  
"So first of all hi, I'm Miyuki, one of the RA's here… well duh." A nervous laugh escaped her mouth. "Your roommate is gonna be about a week late this semester, he's kinda going through it right now and that's all I'm allowed to say before you ask. His name is Zuko." Aang's eyebrows shot up.

  
"Zuko Sozin?" Sokka looked at Aang with a puzzled look. "I had a class with him last semester."

  
"That's him! His uncle just called and explained the situation. He's wondering if he dropped off some of Zuko's things would you guys put it in his room?"

  
"Of course we will! Just let us know when he will be dropping it off." Aang, always the diplomat, always ready to do whatever he could to make others feel welcome and safe.

  
"You guys are chill, thanks." Miyuki waved her hand in a goodbye motion before ducking back into the office. As soon as Aang and Sokka were out of the building, the speculating started.

  
"What if he's in jail!" Aang loved to wildly guess. Sokka just laughed.

  
"It's almost definitely a family matter. He's gonna miss the first week of school, that's pretty serious." Aang's shoulders sagged.

  
"You're probably right, but can't you just let me get a little wild?" Aang shoved into Sokka, which started a shoving contest while they walked down the street. Oh how they missed college shenanigans.

  
“We should go into Liquid Moonlight soon. I love that place.” They could smell the incense from across the street.

  
“You know, the owners of Liquid Moon are also Inuit. Fuckin wild right?” Sokka beamed. When he first came to University two years ago, he felt an instant connection the moment he walked through the doors. It was a tad commercialized, but more often than not, he recognized his own culture when he saw it.

  
“Dude that’s so great! I’m glad we found a place so diverse!” Sokka had to agree, not once did he feel out of place or disparaged due to his culture. The Jasmine Dragon was just a few storefronts down from Liquid Moonlight, endcapping the strip of storefronts on that side of the street. Downtown was full of thriving mom and pop shops; Tarrington Colorado was truly just a small hippie town.

  
The girls were sitting in their favorite corner booth already, and they were the only ones in the small tea and coffee shop. Besides the cafe in the campus library, The Jasmine Dragon was the most popular hot beverage shop in town. People would visit the Dunkin Donuts down the street before class, but only because they were staffed for the overflow of locals and college students in the morning.

  
“Hey, guys.” Suki waved them over in a hushed voice. Sokka and Aang exchanged a look before silently pulling up two chairs. Appa, Toph's samoyed seeing eye dog, wiggled a little bit at the sight of Aang, but was a good boy and stayed put. He was at work!

  
“What’s, uh, going on?” Aang was probably going to burst with all the secrets today. He was just too excited about it all. Toph patted Aang's lap; an invitation to Appa to stand down and receive the love he so craved. Aang was more than happy to pet Appa as they all leaned in, real close.

  
“Iroh is in, like, a really bad mood.” Suki whispered.

  
“Not in the angry way though. Something is weighing heavy on his mind today.” Katara looked very worried. Out of them all, Katara was the one that had the closest relationship with Iroh. If she wasn’t working at the library (and studying), she was at the Jasmine Dragon (and studying. Pre-med isn’t exactly the lightest course load ever).

“Let’s just get a cup of tea, enjoy it at a normal rate, and tip him like two hundred percent.” With a sound of agreeance, everyone leaned back in their seats just as Iroh came out of the back storage room.

  
“What a pleasant surprise! Welcome Sokka, Aang. It is wonderful to see you in good health!” Iroh truly was like a jolly uncle to the gang - they spent enough time in his shop. Iroh had gotten Sokka through his mid youth crisis, Aang through his first round of finals, Suki through the breakup, and made sure Toph stayed in school even though she thought her disability would make graduating impossible. And Katara? Well, he just about knew her whole life story.

  
“It’s so great to be back, and to see you Iroh.” Sokka gave a small bow.

  
“What would you all like to drink today?” Small as it was, Iroh still smiled at his favorite customers. Katara spoke for the group.

  
“We’ll just have a pot of the house special Iroh. Thank you.” Iroh nodded and went back to the counter to begin the order.

  
“So, what do your schedules look like this semester guys? Anyone gonna have time for rugby this semester?” As the captain of the rugby team, Suki was always trying to get the gang to come play.

  
“Well you know, I was thinking of taking this semester off of rugby. A little hard on the feet.” Toph shrugged, leaning back in her chair. She was no longer wearing her glasses, but they were always in her bag. She hated the huge glasses, but she needed them to study. It was one of the things Iroh had helped her with in her first year.

“Even if I could, I’m still undecided and my parents said if I don’t pick a major this semester they’re not gonna pay for school anymore, so I’m really hoping one of the random classes I picked really sticks with me.” Toph sighed.

  
“Sounds hard Toph, sorry to hear about your parents.” Aang rubbed the back of his neck. He hated hearing about other’s financial troubles. He was legally an orphan, and he basically got everything for free. Toph just shrugged.

  
“They’re just looking for a way to continue controlling me!” She huffed, but after a minute softened back up. “But I just want to go to school.” She said softly. Just then, Iroh appeared with five cups, a pot of tea, and one dog biscuit. Appa gobbled it up from his heads post on Aang's lap and yipped his thanks.

  
“Iroh, why don’t you have a cup with us? There aren’t any other customers.” Katara smiled at Iroh while he set everything down.

  
“Oh, well I…” He looked back, toward the back room. After a minute he looked back toward Katara. “I guess one cup of tea won’t do much harm.” Iroh smiled, albeit with a sad tinge, and went to grab a cup. No one touched the pot or the cups; Iroh always insisted on pouring his customers tea.

  
“He really does seem off huh?” Sokka’s brow furrowed. Iroh didn’t deserve anything bad to ever happen to him. Ever.

  
“Maybe we can cheer him up!” Aang nodded in his eager way, smile a mile wide. Iroh returned, pulled up a chair and began to pour cups of tea, passing them out.  
They really wanted to cheer him up, but when the time came, none of them could find words. Maybe what Iroh needed was just that. A break. They all sipped their tea in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. A silence that didn’t demand to be filled. A silence shared among friends, that existed without expectations. Not a single soul entered the shop, though multiple passersby looked in the big bay window by their booth. The air hung heavy on them; that somber feeling that clung to funerals and the time between birth and the baby’s first choked out sob.

  
As the group finished their tea, one by one, they stayed silent and watching. Katara had taken special care to be the last one to finish. She had a lot to rest for and she would take her minute. And, maybe, she knew she would be the one to break the silence.

  
“Iroh, the tea was lovely. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.” The gang sounded their agreement, and Iroh smiled, with tired eyes and a worried brow.

  
“Always a pleasure to be around your gang.” Iroh got up and put away the chair he had pulled up. As he disappeared into the back room, the gang got up, leaving the table better than they found it. Iroh didn’t return for payment, so they left the money under the cash register. They left just as silently as they had stayed.

* * *

Dusk. One of the most beautiful times of the day. Iroh locked up shop, but decided to leave the wiping down of the seating area for the morning. Instead he headed straight upstairs to his small, one bedroom apartment above his tea shop.

  
“I’m back, Zuko.” He called out, hanging up his apron on the hook in the wall. Zuko came out of the bathroom, looking to the ground.

  
“Good evening Uncle.” His words came out a mumble. His burns hurt more than normal, since he had just put on the antibiotic ointment. He held his left arm up and close to his body, and walked with a slight hesitation of his left leg.

  
“It’s looking better.” Iroh offered, heading straight to the stove to put on the kettle. His kind and gentle nature told him to comfort Zuko, but his Zuko sense knew better than that. Zuko was still so angry about the house fire, still so angry about his father and his sister. Still so unbelievably hurt.

  
“It sure doesn’t fucking feel any better.” The anger wasn’t directed at Iroh, but he still felt the bite of the words. He shuffled over to the small kitchen table, gently lowering himself into a chair. “Will you make that Sencha tea I like?” His words carried the apology he couldn’t bring himself to say. Iroh understood him, loud and clear.

  
“Of course! What a wonderful treat.” Iroh was always trying to put his kindness out to Zuko, so that it may cover him like a warm blanket. Sometimes it worked. Tonight seemed different somehow. “What happened today Zuko? You look… tired.”

  
“The lawyer called. I don’t wanna get into it.” He looked away from Iroh. Iroh nodded and walked over with their cups of tea.

  
“Okay. I just hope that, when the time comes, your decision will be the one you feel, in your heart, is right.” Iroh gently patted his uninjured shoulder and sat down next to him. Zuko just grunted and sipped his tea. “You know, this is not the first cup of tea I’ve shared with someone today. Katara and her little group came by today. Such nice kids. They shared their pot with me, I had forgotten how good a cup of tea with friends can be. Maybe someday you could join them?” Iroh was always trying to set him up with the gang. He didn’t like those business majors, but it was all Zuko knew.

  
“Why can’t I just be friends with whoever I end up sharing the quad with? That’ll just be easier.” Zuko sounded exasperated, but he did have a point. It wouldn’t be easy to insert himself into an existing group, but his roommates? That’d be pretty easy. “I, uh-” Zuko cleared his throat. “I officially changed my major and my schedule today as well.” Zuko looked at Iroh for the first time that night with a shadow of a hint of a smile on his lips.

  
“Oh, that makes me so happy Zuko, good for you.” Iroh’s smile was wide, one of the rare smiles that wasn’t marred by worry, sadness, or anger. A true, genuine smile. His smiles were infectious, so much so that even Zuko smiled, lopsided with a tinge of pain. But the happiness was short lived, and the worry returned to Iroh’s face. “Are you sure that you don’t want to take two weeks off school? I’m sure that the board and your professors would understand.” Zuko sighed.

  
“Uncle, I’m starting a whole new major, in my junior year! As it is I’m going to have to take at least one summer semester, if not two. I have to get started as soon as possible.” Zuko sighed. “I wish I could just take the year off. Juggling my courses and the trial is going to be…” Tough wasn’t a strong enough word, impossible too strong. He lived with Ozai for twenty three years, then survived a house fire. Nothing was impossible after surviving that.

  
“I understand Zuko. And I will be here to help you through it, every step of the way.” Iroh reached for Zuko’s hand, patting it gently. Zuko sighed. “How’s the eye?”

  
“Fine.” He looked up at Iroh, and knew better than to lie. “It’s alright. I can still see, that’s all that matters to me.” He left it at that, and Iroh didn’t push. Any communication was good communication to Iroh, even when Zuko screamed in frustration at him. At least he never has to wonder about Zuko’s anger.

  
“Why don’t we get take-out today? Are you feeling anything specific?” Zuko’s head snapped up.

  
“I was thinking about pizza while you were working. I almost tried to make one. It’s a crime we don’t have tomato sauce.” Iroh laughed.

  
“Pizza it is. I’ll order, you find a movie to watch?” Zuko smiled softly, and went to the living room.

  
At least for a little bit, they’d both like to forget the predicament they were in, and the direction their lives were about to go in. Things were about to change, and drastically. They left their tea to grow cold in favor of pizza, shitty 80’s movies and each other's company.


	2. Ghost Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So what's for dinner chef Sokka?"   
> "Well I didn't get to the farmers market as hoped this morning, so we don't have a lot in the way of veggies. I was thinking I'd whip up some pasta with a cast iron roasted veg and garlic butter sauce?" He was already taking every vegetable they had out of the fridge. "Beer or juice?" He dumped the tomatoes, slightly floppy carrots and mushrooms on the counter and returned to the open fridge.  
> "You only have that nasty Coors Light don't you." Aang looked over the counter into the fridge.   
> "Listen." Sokka laughed and tossed Aang a juice box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmfao sorry this took me ten days to write, but I hope yall like it!!

The first week of classes? Killer. Sokka knew that his junior standing meant no syllabus week, only syllabus-fifteen-minutes then straight to "open your books to page…". He was absolutely not ready for that to be on the heels of doing jack shit for two and a half months. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He was a man in his tribe, after all, which meant spending most of his summer fishing in the Beaufort and hunting caribou. He was making a life outside his tribe, sure, but you know what they say. ‘You came from it, and someday you’ll return to it.’ What Sokka wanted more than anything to take his engineering and help his tribe, but that’s not what his tribe wants. Six days into the semester and he’s already having his monthly ‘what am I doing with my life’ panic. Great. Perfect. Just what he needed. 

Aang was living the high life comparatively. He had some international laws to memorize, some routes of trade through the Americas (that Sokka  _ promised _ he’d help him with the northernmost parts of Canada and Alaska), and a midterm paper that he wanted to get started on. 

“Can you believe it! They already assigned me a midterm paper!  _ Hay rahm! _ ” It was less of a question, more of an exclamation of disbelief. Sokka looked up from his homework with a glare in his eye. 

“Aang, I’m not trying to compare trauma’s here, but you know that red head, loud mouth girl who works at the snack bar?”

“Of course I do! She’s the only one who knows how to make the veggie nuggets correctly.”

“Great! I’d gladly lick the bottom of her shoes at the end of her shift to have the workload you have right now.” Aang made a sound like he was gonna barf, but they both just ended up laughing. 

“Okay, okay, I get it. You’re so dramatic.”

“I live for the drama of it all.” Sokka flung himself back in his chair in an attempt to throw his arm over his face like ladies in soap opera’s do, but only succeeded in tipping back too far in his chair. In his feeble, desperate attempt to correct his mistake, he grabbed onto his papers. He and his papers ended up on the floor, which started their laughter all over again. 

* * *

Zuko stood in the doorway that led to the back stairwell of Uncle’s apartment. He was feeling… A lot. He was definitely having second thoughts about not waiting another week, but his hesitation came from his fear of commitment. All his life, his father controlled every aspect of his life; how he dressed, how he sat, what he ate, what he studied in school. He remembered practicing his lies to tell the worried teachers at school in the mirror with Ozai standing behind him. His whole life there was a shadow over him. What was he supposed to do now? He finally got freedom… why couldn’t he figure out how to use it?

“Are you alright, Zuko? Would you like to stay for-” Zuko turned on his heel so fast he wobbled a bit on the landing. 

“One more cup of tea, yes Uncle I would.” Zuko finished his uncle's sentence for him, and immediately cleared his throat, and his bones prepared for impact. Of course it would never come. Never again. But the body never forgets. He dropped his bag and his one box of personals that Iroh hadn’t dropped off at the dorm building in the doorway, and sat at the table with his uncle who had already made the pot. 

“Zuko, would you like me to accompany you to school? That box looks mighty heavy.” Iroh poured the tea slowly.

“Unnecessary. It’s, what, ten blocks down the street? I’ll be okay.” He sipped his tea, then looked up into Iroh’s worried eyes. “I really am, Uncle. The late summer heat’s nothing compared to being roasted alive.” Zuko thought he was funny, and with any other audience his joke would have absolutely killed. Iroh gave a tiny exasperated sigh, though Zuko could see the smirk he wore while raising his cup to his face. 

"I hope you enjoy your classes as much as you enjoy going to the theatre." Iroh wore a big smile, the kind that lit up rooms and bloomed flowers in hearts, even if it was just a dandelion in the sidewalk crack. Those kinds of unconditional love still made Zuko queasy, but he was learning, actively trying, to let his uncle love him.

"I'm very excited to start this new chapter in my life. I feel like I finally have control." Iroh just nodded, hoping his silence would pull Zuko's thoughts out of his head.

It didn't.

That was okay, they were both comfortable sitting in silence. Both of them being here was good enough. No expectations, which was new to Zuko. Everyone always expected something of him. Good behavior, good grades, run the family business after father gets too old to. Constant grooming, constant berating. Zuko didn't even really know who he was. He wasn't supposed to make it past eighteen, let alone into college and adulthood. What was he doing? Where was he going? The future was a black hole, and he was not ready to step out into the unknown. 

They finished their tea in unison, a trick they'd unconsciously learned from weeks of living in close quarters. It was time. If he didn't take the first step now he never would. Zuko considered the "never would" part, as if it were an option. He wouldn't give into fear, no more. He got up with a sigh, and grabbed his backpack. 

"Uncle, I-" as he turned, Iroh just pulled him into a big bear hug. They stood in the embrace for a long time. It wasn't like they wouldn't see each other on an almost daily basis, but they both needed it. It said the "I love you" Zuko couldn't say and Iroh knew would make Zuko itchy. 

As they parted, Iroh ruffled Zukos' long hair - when did it get down to his shoulders? High and tight was Ozai's preferred haircut for Zuko. But Ozai wasn't here. Zuko did as he pleased. Iroh parted it so most of his hair fell over his burn, hoping it wouldn't agitate it. Zuko left without another word; they didn't need to be said.

The walk to campus was… interesting. He carried his box tight to his chest like it was the only thing keeping his guts from wriggling out of his body. He was wrong about the summer heat, under his black shirt his burns ached in the heat, his black jeans rubbed his leg in a way that was damn near unbearable. He should have wrapped up, what a fool. He prayed that the dorms would be… cooler. He knew they wouldn't be air conditioned but the hope was still there.

He felt the stares as he passed every other student walking about and tried to keep his head down. He knew he wouldn't be able to escape them, but did they have to? Some people recognized him and occasionally said hello, and as he waved back he could see the concern in their eyes. He definitely didn't expect Ty Lee and Mai to stop him as they were coming out of the dorm building across from his.

"Zuko!" Ty Lee bounced over to him in a familiar way that was comforting. None of them wanted to start the conversation, but it'd have to happen.

"It's nice to see you back. We weren't sure…" Mai broke the silence.

"I just want things to be normal for me." Zuko left it at that. 

"Will I be seeing you in class?" Ty Lee was also in business, but she was concentrating on the fun side of business - public relations and owning a dance business. She always livened up boring classes about book keeping and hiring.

"Uh, no, I actually changed my major. I'm not very good at business." 

"Good for you Zuko." Mai gave him a soft smile. The three of them stood there for a minute, Ty Lee digging the toe of her shoe into the pavement.

"Hows-"

"Still, uh." Zuko cleared his throat. "She won't talk to me." It was a lie, but it was better than the truth. Ty Lee looked like she was about to cry, Mai wore a frown. "I can't imagine what losing your best friend is like." 

"Well she wasn't exactly the nicest person alive." Mai shrugged her shoulders. 

"I miss her." Ty Lee hugged herself tight. 

"Yeah, me too." Zuko sighed. "I'll let you know if I hear from her." He offered them a small smile. "But I uh, I gotta get out of this heat. I'll see you guys around." 

"Oh! Yeah I bet it's not,” Ty Lee clicked her tongue, “not the best. See you around!" Ty Lee bounced to give him a hug, but stopped and stepped back. He got two pats on his left shoulder and they parted ways. 

As he hit the handicap button to get into the building, a tall guy was coming out and held the door for him. He ducked around him, mumbling his thanks and rushing into the building. He'd had just enough interaction for a trip that was supposed to be quick and easy.

Sokka watched the stranger high tail it for the elevators. If he wasn't already late to meet the gang for lunch, he'd've asked if the dark haired stranger needed help. Instead he just shrugged and started jogging toward the snack bar. 

The elevator couldn't come fast enough. Zuko already had his dorm key, the RA had given it to Uncle. He just wanted to be out of the public eye and unpack his shit so he could get some peace. He rode the elevator up and holy hell was it the slowest elevator he'd ever been on. He got off the elevator and nearly ran to quad 3A. He unlocked the door and peeked in, and upon seeing an empty living area he bust in and shut the door, locking it behind him. He kicked off his shoes in the doorway and put them neatly on the shoe mat that was already there.

The space was… furnished. The kitchen was gleaming, spotless except for the three dishes in the sink. A trash and a recycling bin. A cute square dining table with four chairs around it and three stacked in the corner. He really, really hoped there wouldn't be too many parties (although Zuko was known to going to the occasional party and going absolutely wild. But only with his sister and her friends. He didn't have to see those people on a daily basis so he really could just be the drunk emo guy who will absolutely try to do a backflip off the kitchen table). He hoped it was just a big friend group and they all could just exist with him around.

The living room was dominated by a 70's inspired conversation pit that was decked out with more pillows than three guys should have collectively. They all kinda matched and he wondered if just one of the other guys had brought that many pillows. It looked extremely comfortable. He put his stuff by the room off the living room and tiptoed over to the pit. It was his dorm too, but the other guys had already made this place a home and he felt like he was invading their space. He stepped foot in the pit and just completely melted right into it. The pillows were so soft, oh so inviting. They were all separate but they didn't part and leave any of him on the hardwood. It was like a huge bed. 

He must have dozed off. Suddenly he heard a key in the door and jolted upright, tripping over himself to get out of where he wasn't supposed to be and over to his things. He hip-checked his door open and retreated to his room as he heard multiple people enter the quad. His heart was racing and holy  _ fuck _ did he hope no one saw him. He wasn't ready.

_ My backpack!! _

Zuko leaned against his door and groaned, sliding down the door. 

"Hey, Zuko must be here!" Was that Aang? He was hopeful that maybe he wouldn't have to introduce himself to all new people, but didn't open the door to see. Instead he locked the door as quietly as he could and turned to his four boxes and one duffel bag. They weren't going to unpack themselves.

Zuko was tempted to put on some music, but he chose to eavesdrop as he put away his things. 

"You think he'll come out and say hi?" a girl's voice that he almost recognized but couldn't place.

"I bet he's got a lot to do, I'd leave him be. He'll come around when he wants to." His ears pricked up at the soothing deep voice. He could listen to that voice for hours.

And he did. As he put away his junk he found himself only tuning in when he heard that voice. The group - who had definitely moved to the conversation pit - laughed and chatted for hours. There were five of them, at least. He only heard five distinct voices, but that didn't mean there wasn't someone else.

More importantly, there was a dog he could hear that he desperately wanted to pet. He came sniffing at the door more than a few times, scratched at it once but was sternly told no by who must have been his owner. He heard the dog huff and back away from the door. His dog loving brain cried, but he just… couldn't face that many strangers - and Aang - right now. 

But his burns on his stomach and side had other plans and started to weep a little. He felt the trickle of plasma and gross shit down his side.

"God damn it!" He huffed, whipping off his shirt and twisting to get a look. At least they hadn't gotten dry - that would have been an immediate quick hello and dart to the bathroom. He dug through the duffel bag and found his back up stash of gauze. It was his own fault. He fell asleep and then let fear sequester himself in his room. He did a poor man's wrap to keep it contained until he could make it to the bathroom. 

He realized no one was talking anymore.

Aw, fuck, he had just raised his voice a little. What a way to introduce yourself, fuckin' dumb ass. 

He played his music and laid on his bed, trying to forget who he was and just disappear.

* * *

The gang all looked at each other, mostly worry in their eyes. 

"You think he's okay?" Suki whispered. 

"I mean, if he's not he'll probably come out right?" Katara shrugged. "We should probably just-" Zuko's loud music came through the door and that stopped that conversation completely. 

Sokka looked toward the door. Sleeping with Sirens? Oh, they'd get along. 

"Well," Sokka got out of the pit, stretching. "Anyone staying for dinner?" He walked over to the fridge and had a look.

"Can't. Have a five am practice tomorrow." Suki stood, leaning down to hug everyone before going to the pile of keys and phones on the table. "See you guys tomorrow! Goodnight!" Suki patted Sokka on the back as a goodbye and slipped out the door.

"Toph? Do you wanna stay?" Katara looked toward where Toph was lounging to the max. 

"Appa! Yip-yip!" Toph patted her lap and Appa came barrelling toward her. "Need to go out boy?" Appa leaned his chest to the floor and wiggled his butt, barking only once. "We should take him out, and honestly I'm feeling greasy pizza so I was just gonna go down to THOP. Wanna come Katara?" 

"Sounds great, actually." Katara smiled and helped Toph out of the pit. "Sorry Sokka, maybe next time?" Katara gave her brother a hug and a kunik, Toph punching him on the arm. 

"Bye guys! See you tomorrow!" Aang walked them out, slipped Appa a dog treat, and shut the door behind them. "So what's for dinner chef Sokka?" 

"Well I didn't get to the farmers market as hoped this morning, so we don't have a lot in the way of veggies. I was thinking I'd whip up some pasta with a cast iron roasted veg and garlic butter sauce?" He was already taking every vegetable they had out of the fridge. "Beer or juice?" He dumped the tomatoes, slightly floppy carrots and mushrooms on the counter and returned to the open fridge.

"You only have that nasty Coors Light don't you." Aang looked over the counter into the fridge. 

"Listen." Sokka laughed and tossed Aang a juice box. "Oh, put on that loud Indian music you're always playing. I'm in the mood to dance."

And so Aang put on his dancing mix (that started with Kala Chashma, why wouldn't it?) and danced around the living room and kitchen with Sokka, who danced at the stove when actively cooking. Pasta and roasted veggies wasn't exactly a labor intensive meal.

* * *

Zuko was listening. As soon as he'd heard the door open and close a few times he gradually turned down his music to continue to eavesdrop, waiting for the right moment to make the mad dash to the bathroom. His room was all set up, his books and materials on the desk and shelves, his personal belongings in the tiny end table, his clothes in the drawers, and his private shrine on the extra end table that should have been for a roommate (thank the spirits he was granted a medical "single").

He'd already gathered his bathroom supplies, and separated them into "can stay in the bathroom" and "for the love of all things good in the world don't let them see that you're a traveling ambulance".

Then the Indian music came on and he knew it was now or never. He quietly opened his door and peeked out just long enough to see that no one was paying attention. 

_ Spirits, may I not fall on my fucking face. _

He opened his bedroom door and made no effort to close it as he quickly tiptoed across the floor, coming within two feet of a twirling Aang, and skidded safely into the bathroom. He closed the door with a little more oomph than required, making Sokka and Aang's heads snap up.

"Dude did he just... get past us like nothing?" Sokka looked toward the bathroom and heard the shower turn on. "Impressive." 

* * *

Zuko spent an hour and a half in the bathroom, but it did have the best lighting (not that he counted fluorescent lighting good). He was going to sleep, he had to bandage what needed it correctly. Just as he was going for the door, there was a knock. He jumped back.

"Uh, yeah?" Zuko cleared his throat.

"Hey Zuko, it's Aang, not sure if you remember me." Zuko sighed and unlocked the door, peeking his head out. His hair was pulled back into a loose bun, his pajama shorts the only thing on his body beside the bandages. 

"Oh my god Zuko." Aang's eyes went wide and teary, he covered his mouth to stop himself from speaking.

"Yeah… uh what is it?" Zuko peered left and right and saw no one else, and not that he was comfortable with Aang but at least he knew the kid, so he opened the door and stepped out into the hall. 

"Oh yeah um, Sokka made you a plate if you're hungry. He went out to pick up some drinks at the gas station but he should be back soon if you wanna-"

"I'm not quite ready to meet anyone new right now." 

"Right, uh well your plate's in the microwave, have a good night." Aang smiled, but it was a little performative. 

"Thanks Aang, you too." Aang retreated into his and Sokkas' room. Zuko was absolutely starving and was not about to pass up free food, so he quickly grabbed his plate from the microwave without hearing it up and passed the threshold of his room just as the front door opened. 

He ate (and the food was absolutely delicious, cold as it was) and then put in his electric kettle for a cup of chamomile tea before bed. He had a long day ahead of him. 

* * *

The screaming woke Sokka up. He jolted upright and looked over to Aang, peacefully asleep. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock.  _ 4:13 am.  _ Sokka flopped back into his bed and threw an arm over his eyes. Maybe he'd dreamt it. It wouldn't have been the first time his own dreams had forced him awake. 

But he heard it again, quieter than the first. It made Sokka get up and open his door. He peered out and down the hall to see Zuko's door open as well. Sokka stayed put, just watching Zuko through the crack in the door. Creepy, but he still wanted to make sure no one was getting murdered while also giving Zuko the space he obviously needed. 

The guy looked… crumpled. Like sheets you'd forgotten about in the dryer. He didn't turn on a single light, just silently and quickly moved about the quad like he'd lived there for months. Zuko seemed to know the location of itevery bump, every piece of small furniture that littered the living room. He avoided it all, while hugging himself in a way that suggested the poor guy would just fall apart onto the floor if he didn't. 

Zuko passed through Sokka's field of vision as he made his way to the kitchen, but Sokka continued to listen. His big heart (and his gossipy brain) begged him to stay put. He heard the water turn on, fill a glass, then turn off. A chair pulled out, but he didn't hear Zuko sit down. The glow of the small desk lamp on the table seemed warmer than it usually was. Zuko was like a bird, no sounds came from him. 

Except when he started softly crying. 

Sokka backed away from the door and went to sit on his bed. He had a moral compass, and it told him to go sit with the shadow cloaked stranger, but Zuko seemed to value his privacy. He'd let Zuko be, and hope that he had someone, anyone, to help him out. As he sat on the edge of his bed, he looked out the window and saw the moon. He smiled, bowed his head and said a silent prayer for Zuko. He laid down, but didn't actively try to fall asleep until he heard the soft click of Zuko's bedroom door.

* * *

Between the nightmares and the lack of snoring, Zuko had an awful first night. He felt the exhaustion behind his eyes, it wasn't a headache though. It was like somehow the muscles in the back of his eyes ached. He'd gotten up a few times during the night, he'd even contemplated going out for a midnight stroll. He decided against it. 

He rose just before the sun broke the horizon, softly padding through the quad to the kitchen carrying his mother's old stove top kettle. It was one of the last things that survived his father's rage when she'd left them, and that was only because Zuko had stashed it away in the loose floorboard in the back of his closet.

Okay, maybe he'd pulled up the board in the first place, but it was a good hiding spot. Even Azula didn't know about it and she'd ratted out every single one of his stash spots. He wondered if the bank had seized the house or if he'd be responsible for that too.

He was careful not to let the kettle whistle. He almost decided to leave his teas in his bedroom, but this was his space too. He grabbed an armful of his tea tins and boxes and went through the cabinets until he found an empty shelf labeled "Zuko". It made him feel warm and almost embarrassed to know that his roommates were already prepared - and maybe even excited - for him to join them. The tea he grabbed took up almost half the shelf, and that alone made him groan. He'd have to carefully select the teas that stayed in the kitchen and the ones that stayed in his room.

"Morning Zuko!" Aang came out of absolutely nowhere and made Zuko jump and spin around to see him. 

"Mornin'." He nodded, and pulled out a second mug from the cabinet to the right of the stove. "Would you like a cup of tea?" He filled two tea ball infusers with the green tea he had pulled out for breakfast and poured the tea before he'd gotten an answer.

"Another tea drinker! Now we outnumber Sokka." Aang laughed and accepted the hot mug. 

"I recommend leaving it to steep for a couple minutes before you add whatever you want to it." Zuko sat at the table, Aang followed. Aang was already dressed; a loose fitting (possibly actually too big for the small boy) orangey-tan tee and jeans. Zuko still sat in his sleeping shorts, but he'd undress his torso to let the burns breathe. As he silently drank his tea, he could practically feel Aang about to burst. "I'll give you two free questions." He placed his tea down and looked at Aang, who suddenly looked embarrassed. "Or I can give you two answers."

"I'll take the questions. Uh…" Aang took a sip to think on it. "What uh, what happened?" Zuko chuckled, he knew that'd be the first one. It always is.

"I got caught in a house fire. My father's beach house burnt down." The sun had broken the horizon and was on it's steady rise. He took his last sip and started to get up to get another when Aang's phone played a soft, tinkling music. 

**It is seven o clock. The weather is-**

Aang turned off his alarm.

"What was it like to get stuck in a burning house?" The question made Zuko stop in his tracks. Never had he thought about that question. Zuko sat back down and gave the question some thought.

"Absolutely terrifying. And it was unbelievably hot, like hotter than you can imagine. The only reason I'm alive is the floor gave out from under me and I fell to the first floor as the firetrucks pulled up. I didn't even know I was on fire until the firefighter threw that fire blanket on me. It probably hurt in the beginning but a lot of them are third degree-"  _ oh my god I've been talking too long shut up shut up shut- _

"That's awful Zuko. Glad you're still alive though." This time, Aang got up and made both of them a second cup of tea. 

"Yeah, I'm glad now." The truth was that, in the beginning, he wished he had died. It would have been preferable to the scarring and the medical upkeep and the lung damage. But hey, at least uncle didn't lose two sons, just the one. 

"Do they hurt?"

"I said two." Zuko sighed. He couldn't say no to the big puppy eyes. "Not really. Yesterday I forgot to wrap my legs and walked in jeans and I will never make that mistake again. Mostly they're just tender. It's all brand new skin." He wasn't about to mention that sometimes he dreamed about watching that brand new skin just melt off his body like he did the first time around. The poor boy didn't need that image in his head at the ripe hour of…  _ fuck fuck fuck it’s seven fucking thirty  _

Zuko chugged the rest of his now cold tea, and just plopped the cup right over the half wall into the sink. 

“Sorry, I have an eight am.” Zuko knew Aang would understand as he just disappeared into his room to get ready. He got ready for class in nine minutes flat, just enough time to get to the snack bar, get a granola bar and slide into a classroom chair at eight. Aang also had his stuff together, his messenger bag light tan resting by the door as he flitted around the kitchen. 

“Hey, I’m leaving, but I’d wait for you if you wanted.” Zuko couldn’t ask Aang to come with him, maybe he should work on that if he wanted friends. 

“Yeah, could you give me a minute? I’ve been putting on a half pot of coffee every morning for Sokka for the past week. He seems to enjoy it.” Aang pushed the “brew” button on the coffee pot and turned toward the door. Zuko nodded and the guys left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'alls comments make me feel really nice im crying. thanks for the love and support, right back at you guys you're all amazing. if you gave this second chapter a read leave a comment, i'd love to hear from yall!!!


	3. Smoke Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aang put a dish on top of another, but it came crashing down. It bounced on the ground but didn’t break. He let out a sigh, “She wants us to write a personal manifesto.”  
> “That’s heavy for the beginning of the semester.” Sokka chuckled and shook his head. “Well, what are you about? What kind of person do you wanna be?” Aang was silent for a moment, and made it a point to look away from Sokka. “Hey, listen, it’s okay to not know. You’re so young.” Sokka put his hand on Aangs shoulder. Aang just hung his head and sighed.  
> “I am! I should’ve played dumb, maybe I’d’ve had another year before I came to college.”  
> “You shouldn’t feel bad about being smart.” Sokka nudged him. “I’m here for you.”  
> “Thanks Sokka.” Aang headbutted Sokka's bicep in affection. Sokka ruffled Aang’s hair back, and they lapsed into silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO KIND AND SO PATIENT. Here it finally is! the longest chapter to date (it's chapter three lol Bob shut up.) cause I got a liiiiitle carried away. Hope you enjoy! And as always, leave me a kudos(if you're new here) or a comment! I'd love to know where you guys think this is going, or where you hope it goes <3 I love every single one of you, you give me the drive to keep going!!!  
> -also from here on out we'll be unbeta'd cause we die like men, all mistakes are my own-

Sokka had a habit of saying "just five more minutes" every morning. He really just loved to be asleep. Hair wasn’t a problem, Sokka usually just left his hair in the same braid he’d went to sleep in for his first period class, but once common hours started and the gang converged in the Landing, Katara would take hold of his hair and give him intricate braids and poof up his hair in such a specific way. He could do it himself, and did about half the time, but one of Katara’s hidden talents and joys in life was doing people's hair. Plus, she always, _always_ had hair beads from their tribe on her. He very rarely let his hair down.

He'd always get to class on time, sliding into the last empty seat with his coffee in one hand and his bagel wedged in his mouth as he dug around in his bag for a pen. He lucked out hard with having Aang as a roommate, even if he really didn’t know how to make a good pot of coffee. It was coffee, and that’s all that mattered. 

He was oh, so lucky that his first class of the day wasn’t Stats Models with Hakoda.

It was, however, 3D Modelling with Bato. Every Monday/Wednesday it went something like this; Sokka’s running down the hall and sees Bato peek his head out of the classroom. Sokka’s phone pings as he’s walking over the threshold. It’s always his dad with some iteration of “why aren’t you in class yet”. Typical. Katara didn’t have to deal with their dads being _her_ professors. Sokka would text Hakoda back with something along the lines of “I got here before dad started role.” It was never an angry or upset exchange, more like the concerned father who always wanted his kids to succeed. 

//

It was Sokka's turn to pay for snacks and drinks from the Snack Bar, and he had the list as he travelled the eighteen steps from the Landing to the Snack Bar. Most things were very close by on the UTC campus, which made life extremely easy for the students. 

It was common time and the Snack Bar was packed as it usually is. Most students would get lunch from the grill, but the gang usually just got bottled juice and bags of chips or granola bars. That way, whoever was in charge of snacks that day wouldn’t have to carry too many hot things, and they could all spend as much time together as possible, even if all they were doing was sitting in silence eating snacks and studying. 

Sokka wasn’t watching where he was going and smacked straight into some guy’s shoulder. Sokka wasn’t fazed by it, but it sent the poor guy stumbling back a bit. 

“Oh hey, dude, I’m so sorry.” Sokka reached out his hand and clasped it on the strangers shoulder to steady him. Sokka’s hand lingered as he registered that he was a whole head taller than the guy he'd almost trampled. He was used to being a giant. The dark haired guy just wretched himself out of Sokka’s grip and mumbled something about it being alright, looking at Sokka out of the corner of his eye. Then he just dipped out, taking his dark brown eyes with him. Sokka just watched him leave; something about those eyes took the breath from his lips. He cleared his throat, pushed that shit back down, and went back to collecting their snacks for the three hour common period. 

The bag of snacks didn't even touch the table before hands were grabbing at it. Sokka just laughed and dropped the bag, shaking up the cans of soda.

"Sokka!" Katara huffed, but grabbed her snacks anyway. 

"Listen, if you guys aren't gonna have manners then neither am I." Sokka pulled out his chair and plopped into it, stretching out with a groan. The group lapsed into silence, as they always do in the beginning of common time to bang out some work.

//

"So, either of you seen the mysterious Zuko yet?" Toph set aside her tape player and headphones.Books and papers were still on the table, but were being forgotten about.

"Nah-"

"Yeah!" Sokka and Aang spoke at the same time. Sokka looked at Aang in surprise. 

"Really?"

"Saw him this morning, we left at the same time." Aang took a sip of his water. The chorus of questions that poured from everyone - except Sokka - didn't faze Aang. He simply waited for everyone to yell out their questions and fall back into silence. 

"What's he like?" Sokka had so many questions, but got the feeling that Zuko didn't really want to be known.

"He's really nice. We shared a cup of tea. It was nice. Man knows his way around tea." 

"Did he say anything about like… being part of the quad or is he just gonna do his own thing?" 

"Leave the poor guy alone," Toph sucked up the last of her milkshake, "he's probably just got a lot going on. He missed the first week of school! Give the guy some space." 

"Gotta agree there," Suki started to pack up her things, "he's probably got a lot of work to catch up on." She shrugged.

"Nah, you guys are right. Listening to someone I don't know living his life behind closed doors is like watching shadows on the cave wall." Sokka laughed a little. "What can I say, I love a good mystery."

"You sure do Nancy." Katara raised her eyebrows, declaring her challenge to her brother. The gang erupted into laughter, the kind that makes everyone else in the common space look up, some in confusion and some in disdain. 

Continuing to ignore their work, the gang chatted about trivial stuff while people around them packed up and trickled out of the common space. They got in the habit of living life outside the dorms after Aang missed a full week of his 1pm class in the spring. It was easy to feel comfortable where you sleep and forget about the world going on outside of the safety bubble. Being the older brother, Sokka felt horrible every time his phone went off to alert him at three and there they all were, still living it up in the dorms. He should have been watching the time, should have been on Aang to get his head out of the clouds. 

It wasn't like anyone put that on Sokka, he bore that weight on his own, in silence. Like a good brother does. All he wanted was to see everyone succeed, everyone to follow their dreams and go on to help people.

To leave him behind, to go do important things.

"Sokka?" His head snapped up and he looked at Katara. When he came back to the land of the living, he noticed that in his trance of self hatred everyone but Katara had left.

"Yeah?" He choked on his own voice.

"If you keep cracking your fingers like that you'll get bruises again." Her voice was soft and understanding. He always cracked his fingers when he got too into his own head, or too stressed. One time he'd actually dislocated every joint in his left pointer by accident and spent four hours in the emergency waiting room to see a doctor for two minutes to snap them back in and give him a splint. What a waste of time.

"Yeah, you're right." He pulled his hands apart. 

"I gotta run, I love you and I'll see you at your place for family dinner night?" Katara gathered the books that wouldn't fit in her bag into her arms.

"Uh yeah, right, family dinner night…" goddamnit again with the forgetting family dinner! He only had to remember it twelve times a year and yet. "Love you sis, see you later." On her way by Katara kissed the top of Sokka's head and dipped out before he could complain about it. They both knew he loved the physical affection, but he had a reputation! 

3:15. _Ah shit._

How long had he been spiraling in his head? This usually didn't happen until at least midway through the semester. 

He was already nearly twenty minutes late, and showing up that late to a sixty-five minute class was just bad manners. With a groan, Sokka decided to get up and start the walk down to the grocery store to get family dinner. It was only a mile and a half out of the center of town, but he needed enough dinner to feed six people and a dog. (Of course he was counting Zuko. He lived there, didn't he? Sokka has manners, no stomachs go empty in his house.) 

//

Zuko was exhausted by the time his technical theatre class let out at 5:35. He had to hit the ground _sprinting_ to catch up, and every moment of his first day was packed full of work. If he wasn't in class, he was at the library. Which is where he was headed, but he took the paths less travelled by and walked at a normal person's pace so he could finally have a god damn cigarette. It's been his dirty little secret since he was thirteen, when his mom disappeared from his life and his father got even more violent. 

He knew that he should have quit after the fire. Losing forty percent of his lung capacity should have made him quit. It was just so hard. He had one thing he could control, one thing to tether him to the ground. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept him together.

He hated himself for it.

The irony of the burnt kid continuing to smoke wasn't lost on him. Zuko just cycled violently through finding it genuinely hilarious and wanting to actually die. 

The first time Uncle caught him with a cigarette he was sixteen, young, and absolutely terrified. He begged Uncle to keep it quiet, tears streaming from his black eyes, his split lips trembling. Uncle just gingerly wiped his tears from his battered face and whispered "I'm sorry I didn't get to you first." 

The last time Uncle caught him with a cigarette, it was post-fire. He'd snatched it right out of Zuko's mouth and crushed it in his fist, still lit. Zuko cried himself to sleep that night.

Since then Zuko had been extremely careful to make sure Uncle never caught him again. Not out of fear (okay maybe a little fear), but mostly out of respect and shame. Uncle always took care of him, why couldn't he take care of himself? 

Unhealthy coping mechanisms aside, he was coming up on the library. Walking up to the nearest trash can, Zuko took one last drag, put out the cigarette with his fingers and threw the butt in the trashcan (if nothing else, he was conscious of how his decisions affect other people and the earth).

Zuko set his things down in an empty booth - the library was surprisingly empty for six pm on a Tuesday - but turned around to head to the basement. The theatre department (all nineteen of them) put on a play every semester as their final. Every student was required to pitch a play and they'd all vote on them on Thursday, then they could get started. 

In the basement was a shameful amount of scripts; they only filled up a small shelf. Zuko considered just buying a copy of "Love Amongst the Dragons", but wasn't sure it'd come in time for Thursday. Instead, he just picked handful after handful and flipped through them. 

And dropped a small selection.

As he was picking them up, a blue script caught his eye. "Almost, Maine". He put the handful back on the shelf and continued looking. Maybe he could just pitch "Midsummer's Night Dream" and be done with it. He grabbed one of the copies and sighed. He wanted so desperately to just be happy with what he was doing. Admittedly, he felt about seventy-five percent better now that he was doing something he was actually passionate about, but he still felt shitty. He was starting to think maybe this was it. This was life. He'd feel shitty until he was six feet under. Zuko never thought he'd make it this far; his father seemed to think so too. Ozai would always say "you'll never make it to sixteen," then it was eighteen, then twenty one. And he was right. Now, here he was at twenty two, direction-less, with a future that was just black. A void in which there was no way out. No light at the end of the tunnel, no reason to step into the void and sink or swim.

Zuko plopped into his booth, the red public school bus seat giving a small squeak under him. He pulled out his five inch battered binder that he'd used for the last year and a half. If it ain't broke don't fix it (except it was broken, held together with duct tape and pixie dust). Pulling out his earbuds, he put on his usual emo music and plugged into his work. 

He got lost in reading about technical theatre. He wasn't in it to become an actor, he was fascinated in the behind-the-scenes; set design, lighting, sound. Absolutely could not wait to get into the woodshop and drown out everyone and everything in the sounds of table saws and impact drills. Before he knew it, Zuko had killed two hours picking apart the chapter of his text that dealt with creative ways to set up a stage. At least doing that meant his recap that was due tomorrow took him all of twenty minutes. He caught himself in a tangent about whether to use fake or real plants (his argument would always be real. There's no good substitute for the real thing.) and had to reel himself in.

At some point, he'd drifted far enough into the internet and pulled up a tab on "Almost, Maine". Ew, love stories. Even still, he read the whole Wikipedia page on the play. Love was invented by Hallmark to sell cards, and he'd die on that hill. Still, something about the little tattered blue script made its home in a small corner of his brain. 

"Goddamnit." Zuko huffed and ditched his work to go back to the basement and grab the script. He'd probably need a backup anyway, and honestly thought Shakespeare was full of shit. He could stand a grand total of three Shakespeare plays; Othello, Taming of the Shrew, and Midsummer. There were just so many other playwrights out there, why should he be forced into the small Shakespeare sphere?

When he got back to his seat he found that most people had vacated. He checked the time and groaned. What kind of university library closed at ten pm on a Tuesday? Now he had to go home? And maybe meet all those people who were always around? Fuck that, he'd go see Uncle. 

//

"So what's for dinner Suki?" Toph asked from underneath Appa.

"Katsudon!" Suki called back from the kitchen. Suki and Sokka had the tandem cooking dance down to a science. Not once was there ever a collision or an accidental stabbing. In no uncertain terms, Aang was no longer allowed to cook _with_ Sokka. While Sokka brought the dry oil to temp and breaded the pounded pork chops, Suki was busy chopping up vegetables while she slowly caramelized the onions. 

"Where's your rice pot?" Katara leaned over the half wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. 

"Hiiyaaaa, do you still use sauce-pan for your rice?" Suki turned and pointed the knife she had at Katara. "Lucky for you, you live with me and rice cooker comes free." She pointed to the rice cooker steaming away in the corner with her knife, then turned to finish her vegetables.

"What's wrong with using a sauce-pan?" Aang looked up from his homework jail Sokka put him in. 

"Is it the dark ages? There's technology, use it!" Suki laughed, " makes life easier if you don't have to guess the temperature. Never had bad rice out of a rice cooker." 

"Never?" Sokka looked over to her from his breading station he'd set up.

"Not a single time. Did you get eggs?"

"Did I get eggs? Girl you know I did. This isn't the first time you've picked Katsudon for family dinner. I don't usually make the same mistake twice." 

"Then why do you keep wearing," Katara gestured to all of him "that?" 

"But you just gestured to all of me!" The gang just rolled in their laughter, Sokka as well. He had a pretty good sense of humor, plus it was Katara and as a rule, little sisters aren't ever allowed to say anything nice in public.

"Hey, can you leave a chop unbreaded for Appa?" Toph, still buried under a sleeping Appa, craned her neck toward the kitchen. 

"I gotchu covered fam. It's in the oven already." Sokka smiled at her and hoped she could feel it. 

"That's why Appa loves you!" Toph looked about ready to pass out herself, she was covered in a warm weighted blanket basically. Aang pushed his homework away from him and got up, ruffling his own hair in frustration. 

"I'm done. Can't do it anymore." He went to sit with Toph, his favorite seat in any house (because that's where Appa was). 

"That's alright, dinners almost done anyway!" Sokka pulled out six bowls and started dishing out rice.

"Six?" Suki questioned him.

"No one goes hungry in this house. It's for Zuko." He stirred the sauce and ladled it over the rice.

"What makes you think he'll eat it?" Suki took the vegetables off the stove and put some in each bowl, extra in Aang's.

"Last time I left him a plate he ate it." Sokka shrugged. "And even if he doesn't, I'll just get to eat it tomorrow." 

"Alright." Suki placed egg on every dish and Sokka came behind her with the fried pork chops. Last but not least, Suki put a thin rectangle of seared tofu on Aang's dish. Sokka couldn't cook tofu for shit, he'd die if his life depended on it. 

Katara was setting the last chair around the table when Sokka called for dinner. Toph tapped Appa on the nose and they got up together. Katara, Sokka and Suki carried over all the dinners - including Appa's dish, over to the table and everyone sat down.

//

Sokka closed the front door behind Suki, and suddenly it was just him and Aang again. Aang was over by the sink, doing the dishes. His kingdom for a dishwasher. Sokka just took up the kitchen towel that hung from the kitchen door handle and started to dry and put away the dishes. The two boys chatted about nothing in particular, mostly just filling the other into their lives. How the day had been, what was getting their goat.

“I’m just not getting it I guess.” Aang shrugged his shoulders, scrubbing the frying pan. “I don’t know what she wants out of me. What’s a manifesto?” Aang groaned. 

“Wait, what does she want you to do?” Sokka spun from the cupboard back to the growing pile of dishes.

Aang put a dish on top of another, but it came crashing down. It bounced on the ground but didn’t break. He let out a sigh, “She wants us to write a personal manifesto.” 

“That’s heavy for the beginning of the semester.” Sokka chuckled and shook his head. “Well, what are you about? What kind of person do you wanna be?” Aang was silent for a moment, and made it a point to look away from Sokka. “Hey, listen, it’s okay to not know. You’re so young.” Sokka put his hand on Aangs shoulder. Aang just hung his head and sighed. 

“I am! I should’ve played dumb, maybe I’d’ve had another year before I came to college.”

“You shouldn’t feel bad about being smart.” Sokka nudged him. “I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Sokka.” Aang headbutted Sokka's bicep in affection. Sokka ruffled Aang’s hair back, and they lapsed into silence.

//

It was one in the morning before Zuko even made a move to leave Uncles. He knew that he could just sleep on the couch and Uncle wouldn’t question him, but he decided that he should sleep in a bed if he was gonna get up in six hours. He groaned; Zuko hadn’t meant to stay so long. He got sucked into a movie on television and stayed after Uncle had gone to bed. It was a familiar ritual for them. 

Zuko clicked the door quietly behind him; even though Uncle slept like the dead he still didn’t want to wake him. He tiptoed down the back stairs and hit the ground lightly jogging. Even after two years he still didn’t trust the dark back roads in Tarrington. They were poorly lit and with the university so close you’d think they’d be more well kept. He put up the hood of his leather jacket (he’d sewn in snaps to the collar to attach a hood) adn shoved his hands in the jacket's pockets and nearly ran down the street. 

When he got back onto campus, he was hit with light. There were street lamps every two utility poles after someone was stabbed last year. She sued and won, and the campus put in more lights as if somehow that made things “safer”. It did make him feel a little better, but now he was like a target in the light than a shadow on the road. He thanked the spirits that the Student Hub was on this side of campus. The Student Hub was a portion of campus that held four of the six dorm buildings. It was close to the arts building and the gym, so the students who majored in the arts or sports lived here. It wasn’t officially named The Student Hub, it started as a joke to make fun of the business and education majors, but it stuck. 

As he walked into the building, he took his hood off. The RA in the office waved to him and he waved back. The elevator was already on the first floor, so the ride was short. He pulled his keys out of the side pocket of his backpack and unlocked the door. 

He noticed that a light had been left on, and made a note to turn it off and tell Aang that they don’t have to leave on a light for-

“Oh, hey.” Sokka said around a mouthful of Fruity Pebbles. Zuko paused in the doorway; he didn’t expect to see anyone awake at this hour. Sokka was sitting where he had sat the other night, after the nightmares, with a colorful box of cereal next to him.

“Uh, hey.” Zuko cleared his throat and came into the quad, closing the door. “I’m Zuko. But you probably already know that.” Zuko let out a little nervous laughter. He looked at Sokka and recognized him as the guy that nearly took him out at the Snack Bar earlier that day. 

“I’m Sokka. There’s dinner for you in the microwave if you're hungry.” He pointed to the microwave with his spoon. He met Zuko’s eyes and instantly knew who he was. A part of him was almost giddy to know that he _would_ see those eyes again, but Sokka shoved that into the dark recesses of his brain. Still, those brown eyes stole the breath from his lungs in a good way, but now getting a good look of his face, his scars knocked the wind out of him like he’d been hit with a bat.

“Oh? What is it?” Zuko put down his bag and tore his eyes away from Sokka’s, heading toward the microwave. 

“Katsudon.” He shoveled another bite of his pebbles into his mouth and shut himself up. Zuko’s face split into a big smile.

“No way, who cooked?” He was right the other day. He could listen to Sokka talk for hours, he could look at that face for _hours_. Sokka was tall, heavier set but had a considerable amount of muscle. He could just crush Zuko. Zuko pretended he didn’t like that. He pressed the minute quick cook button on the microwave and turned around. 

“Suki and me.” Sokka grabbed the box of cereal and shook more into his bowl. Zuko just nodded. The silence was heavy, but not unwelcome. Two strangers, alone in a room. Strangers who knew that they would have to get to know each other at least a little. “You’re welcome to eat with me if you’d like.” Sokka motioned to the chair opposite him. And hoped a little bit that he could get a closer look at Zuko’s face. 

Zuko wasn’t so sure about sitting with Sokka, eating at one-thirty in the morning. Maybe that was just his anxieties about new people. _You have to get to know him. Sit down._ The microwave dinged and Zuko took the bowl out, not caring if it was still cold or not. He’d eaten a lot of cold meals in his lifetime. 

“Thanks,” Zuko pulled out the chair and sat down. The katsudon smelt delicious, and he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d even had katsudon. He shrugged out of his jacket, leaning it back on the chair. His smokes fell out of his pocket, but Zuko couldn’t bring himself to care at that moment. It was past his bedtime, and either way, Sokka would pass his judgement as he saw fit. 

The two ate in silence, each of them sneaking glances at the other. Once their eyes met, and they held contact for a moment too long. Sokka looked away first, and that just gave Zuko a chance to appreciate Sokka’s jawline. 

Zuko finished up before Sokka did, but that was because Sokka had poured just a little more into his bowl. There was no such thing as eating a respectable amount of cereal. Zuko was washing his dish when Sokka slurped up what milk was left and stood to clean up. Sokka passed behind Zuko and reached around him to place his dish in the sink. Zuko could feel the heat radiating off Sokka, like a personal space heater. It made him twitchy, how close they were, but only for a second. 

“Wanna go for a smoke?” Sokka’s deep, rumbling voice broke Zuko out of his trance. 

“Huh?” Zuko looked up from the dish that was extra clean now. 

Sokka was getting on his jacket, and pulled his smokes out of his pocket. “A smoke?” 

“Oh, uh yeah, sure.” Zuko put the dish in the dish rack and went to get his coat. Sokka held the door open for Zuko, like a proper gentleman. 

“You don’t look like uh, someone who’d smoke cigarettes.” Zuko peered at Sokka from the corner of his eye while they waited for the elevator. This was Colorado after all, and Sokka definitely gave off stoner vibes. Sokka chuckled. 

“It’s my one shame. Don’t tell anyone.”

“My lips are sealed.” Zuko nodded. He understood the secrecy. Sharing space with Sokka was… easy. He didn't feel like he owed him any explaination. He _didn't owe anyone_ an explaination, but that didn't mean that Zuko didn't still feel like he owed the world some kind of debt for merely existing. 

They took turns holding the doors open for each other, and headed to the designated smoking area in the parking lot. Zuko caught a glimpse of Sokka's pack and burst into a fit of giggles. 

" _Camels?_ " Zuko snickered and lit his Marlboro.

"Listen man." Sokka just chuckled along with Zuko, but didn't offer a reason. "How long you been a smoker?" 

"A long time." Zuko shrugged. "Hard habit to kick when it's a part of who you are." 

"I'll drink to that." Sokka hadn't been smoking that long, maybe five years. He kind of just fell in with the wrong crowd for a minute in high school, right around the time he started to figure out he might be queer. Highschool boys are very mean.

The wind blew Zuko's hood right off, and he shivered. The nighttime air didn't used to make him shiver, but after the fire he was always cold. Sokka shifted to move in front of Zuko, as a windbreaker. It made Zuko's heart pound a little harder. Sokka's phone pinged and he dug around in his pocket for it. 

Sokka rolled his eyes, "Sisters man. Always telling you what to do."

"Even when they are the younger sibling," Zuko shook his head, "Azula bossed me around like it was her job." Sokka laughed from his chest, rumbling like a drum. 

"Katara has this savior complex, like I'm in need of saving from myself," Sokka took a long drag, "probably for the best she's going into medicine. What's your sister doing?" It was an innocent question, but it made Zuko's heart fall into his stomach and his stomach drop right out of his body onto the ground. Zuko averted his eyes and took a drag for a moment of contemplation. 

"She's taking her time deciding." Zuko cleared his throat. "Feels like a part of me is missing." Zuko sighed.

"I get it. My first year here, when Katara was still in high school, I felt like I'd left my heart behind. Don't you ever tell her I said that." The laugh Zuko let out was dry, unfeeling. He was definitely somewhere else all of a sudden. 

"I won't. You're just full of secrets huh?" Zuko met Sokka's eyes; the deep blue almost black in the low light, like the sea under the stars. 

"Yeah, I guess so." The longing spoke to Zuko. There was more to the story just under Sokka's skin, begging to be let out.

Sokka maintained the eye contact; there they were. Two strangers in the dark. He searched Zuko's face as if there was something to be found. Nearly half of the poor guys face was burnt off, and he was dying to know what had happened. It just wasn't something you ask about a half hour after meeting someone. 

"I like your eyebrow piercing." Zuko suddenly had to fill the silence. He had to break the tension that was building between them. 

"I like your lip piercings." Sokka offered back, thankful that he didn't need to find something else to say. "Did they hurt?" The way Zuko quickly licked his bottom lip to run it over his snake bite piercings made Sokka's guts tie themselves together and made his brain plaster the image of kissing Zuko to the back of his eyelids.

"Nah, more scary than hurt." He shrugged, then moved to the metal cigarette ashtray to put out his smoke. Azula's words rang in his head, _more scary, or more hurt?_ She always asked him that when he'd gotten hurt, or pushed, or yelled at. Even now, though it had been years since Azula had said anything that nice to him, it was still his scale of pain.

The boys went back inside, to the safety of their quad, out of the wind and the darkness. 

"What's your schedule like tomorrow?" Sokka reached out to take Zuko's coat, and without thinking Zuko handed it over. He went straight for the kettle, filling it with fresh water and putting it on. 

"I'm a little swamped with make up work right now," Zuko turned to face Sokka, "why?" 

"Oh, Aang had this idea that maybe sometime this week we could all sit down and do like a roommate check in, since we don't really know you or what you're thinking living here should be like." Sokka shrugged it off.

"Oh Aang, always the peace maker." Zuko remembered him in class, never wanting to take a side, but rather listening to everyone and trying to compromise. Everyone wanted to be in a group project with Aang. He always made everyone feel as though they were heard and important. "Instead of going to the library after my last class I could just come home instead, around three thirty?" 

"Perfect. I have Wednesdays off, and Aang's a morning person. Usually done with classes by two." Sokka nodded and moved past the kitchen and toward his room. "I'm gonna hit the sack, see you tomorrow Zuko. Night!" 

"Oh, uh, goodnight." He offered Sokka a small smile before going to make his chamomile tea.

//

_"Come on Zuzu!" Azula and Zuko ran around the yard, laughing and chasing each other around. The big oak tree in the yard was home to a treehouse, the treehouse complete with a rope ladder up and a slide to get down._

_As the children climbed up the rope ladder, Zuko found it increasingly harder to reach the top. No matter how far up he climbed, he never seemed to reach the top. Azula had made it, and with each step up Zuko climbed she kept calling to him. She kept getting further and further away, Zuko frantically climbing to reach her._

_His foot lost its purchase and he tumbled down, blackness enveloping him._

_"Azula!" Now aged up to preteen, Zuko called through the darkness, scrambling to get up to his feet. He got the ground running into the blackness, toward a closed door._

_"Zuko? Come out wherever you are!" The doorknob rattled, but the door didn't open. Zuko hit the door running, pulling on the knob and yelling to Azula._

_"Open the door! Azula open the door!" Zuko banged on the door, but it wouldn't budge._

_"Zuko?" He turned to see his mom, lit by a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling._

_"Mom?" Zuko sniffled, standing. "Momma!" He wiped his face and ran to her._

_"My baby," Ursa held out her arms, but as Zuko collapsed into her arms, she vanished and he was left alone. He sat in the darkness, calling for his family._

_When he finally stood, he stood as he was in his early twenties. He walked through the darkness, turning around and around, always simultaneously headed toward and away from the voices._

_Then he was in a long hallway, dimly lit with door after door. All closed, all locked. He pulled on every door, searching. He heard a pouring sound behind him, like water pooling on the carpeted floor. He slowly turned to find Ozai, pouring liquid out of a glass. The glass kept pouring, even after Ozai threw it to the floor. Ozai's eyes met Zuko's. His face didn't change as the liquid suddenly combusted into fire._

_Zuko screamed, and turned to run the other direction. He couldn't escape the flames, they chased him as he desperately tried every locked door._

_Suddenly, one door opened and he threw himself into the room. There stood Azula, surrounded by the fire, with tears streaming down her face._

_"More hurt? Or more scary, Zuzu?"_

Zuko gasped back to life, his eyes stayed tightly shut. He trembled, grasping at his comforter. He pulled his eyes open, looking around the room. He was safe. His eyes landed on the only picture in his bedside table; a photo taken by Ty Lee the previous year. Ty Lee, Mai, Azula and himself smiled at the camera while a faceless stranger stood on a table behind them. It was taken at a party. They were all super drunk, but he remembered the night vividly.

"More hurt, Azula." He whispered to her, and rolled over to shut his eyes, praying that a dreamless sleep would take him to the morning light.


	4. Elevator Pitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I guess so! I just have the "fun facts" list memorized." They shared a laugh. No one, ever, in the history of people going to college enjoyed the Name/Major/Fun Fact About Me model for ice breakers.   
> Aang preferred to tell short stories about his travels with Gyatso, they said more about Aang than a list of three adjectives ever could. Sokka leaned toward ice breakers that allowed him to be as extra as he wanted; he particularly loved two truths and a lie. Who's gonna fight him on his customs and culture?  
> Zuko preferred to not be known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which a lot happens and i almost entirely wrote this in two overnight shifts at my new job  
> it's here! I'm so excited to have more written and out! It was a hard chapter to write for some reason. enjoy!!!

Zuko banged on the quad door with his foot, carrying a drink tray in one hand and a bag of snacks in the other. He was really trying to make a good second impression, so he'd stopped at the Snack Bar for milkshakes and Doritos.

Sokka opened the door with an inquisitive look. Zuko handed him the bag and brushed by without a word. 

"I brought milkshakes." Zuko set the drink tray down on the table that had been pulled out from the corner. There was a scuttling noise and something falling down as Aang appeared from his room. 

"No way! You're the best!" Aang vibrated in excitement. Sokka dumped out the snacks onto the table and took a seat.

"There's a chocolate and a vanilla." Taking the styrofoam cups labelled "strawberry" in pink sharpie and a straw, Zuko proceeded to his room to drop his things off on his immaculate desk. 

“I’ll arm wrestle you for the chocolate,” Sokka’s elbow landed on the table with enough force that it made Zuko jump, his shoulders coming up to his ears, all of his muscles braced for impact. 

But only for a second. Zuko forced his shoulders down and hoped neither of his roommates caught him. Maybe he was shielded enough by the door jam. He made his way back into the living room mechanically. 

“You have an unfair advantage,” Aang answered Sokka’s challenge, but was looking at Zuko, with that knowing look that his high school teachers always had. The one that says ‘I know, but I won’t press you’. Zuko just took a long sip of his milkshake and avoided eye contact. “I’ll just take the vanilla,” always the diplomat, “Next time I get chocolate.”

Thankfully Sokka had his back to Zuko. From the little Zuko knew about Sokka, he’d’ve made something of it, and Zuko didn’t know these people. He didn’t want the first thing they know about him to be ‘yeah my dad beat me for years and it fucked me up’.

“Next time I’ll just get two chocolates.” Zuko shrugged, pulling out a chair and sitting down gingerly. He was trying to beat down the adrenaline in his blood, taking things purposefully slow, trying to trick his brain. “So, what’s on the docket for this meeting?” 

“Do you always talk so lawyerly?” Sokka smirked, meeting Zuko’s eyes. Sokka’s eyes were much darker than Zuko’s own, past chocolate, even past dark chocolate, bordering black. Zuko could feel the heat under the skin of his face, and had to turn away from Sokka. 

“No…” Zuko had meant to say more on the subject, but his mouth refused to form any more words. He folded his arms over his chest, his milkshake in one hand so he could still sip it without unfolding his arms. 

“So! I was thinking maybe Sokka and I could just like, tell you a little bit about ourselves and you could say a little bit and then we could just come up with a few rules or guidelines or something.” Aang interjected, sensing the rising tension (he didn’t understand where it was coming from, but it was there nonetheless). 

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.” Sokka spoke a little softer, grabbing a bag of cool ranch doritos. Zuko internally groaned. He was fucking this up already with his awkwardness and fear.

Sokka couldn’t read Zuko’s face, but noticed how Zuko’s body faced him. He wondered if it had anything to do with his burns, and Sokka suddenly worried if Zuko could even see out of that eye? He tried to recall every time he’d looked into Zuko’s eyes, but all he could remember was how looking into his eyes made his heart pound in his ears. And how quickly it filled him with shame. And then felt guilty for feeling ashamed of himself. 

He’d just have to stop looking at Zuko, shove that shit down and ignore it.

“So, I’m studying International Studies with a concentration in International Law, and I’m a Sophomore, and I’m a vegetarian, and I’m almost nineteen!” Aang spewed out information like he only had thirty seconds to do so. He punctuated his statements with the last delicious slurp of his milkshake. Sokka laughed at him, and Zuko shook his head and just barely hid his smirk. 

"We've got all afternoon kid, you can slow down if you'd like." Zuko tipped his milkshake to point the straw at Aang. 

"I guess so! I just have the "fun facts" list memorized." They shared a laugh. No one, ever, in the history of people going to college enjoyed the Name/Major/Fun Fact About Me model for ice breakers. 

Aang preferred to tell short stories about his travels with Gyatso, they said more about Aang than a list of three adjectives ever could. Sokka leaned toward ice breakers that allowed him to be as extra as he wanted; he particularly loved two truths and a lie. Who's gonna fight him on his customs and culture?

Zuko preferred to not be known.

“Well,” Sokka leaned his chair dangerously far back, “I’m majoring in Mechanical Engineering, minoring in English. Please, hold your laugher till the very end, thank you.” Sokka held a hand up. 

_ He can’t be hot and smart  _ **_and_ ** _ funny  _ **_and buff_ ** _. That's just rude.  _ Zuko managed to slam his laugh down into his toes and keep a straight face. 

“My dads work here at the university, so that’s… mostly chill.” Sometimes it was  _ rough _ . Every once in a while it meant getting reamed for not doing good in school. It meant being afraid to be a guy in his early twenties because the police would tell his  _ parents _ . Despite his fear, he still went to huge parties, getting smashed. Beyond smashed. Like the police were called and everybody scattered, and he just barely got away. His dads hadn't happened to bring up parties, so really Sokka didn’t understand why he was so anxious about it all the time. “and I love going to and hosting parties.”

That made Zuko’s eyes sparkle. He also liked parties. Realistically he shouldn’t be going to parties until he was fully healed, but he didn’t know how long that would take so Zuko planned on just playing it by ear. 

Carefully, Zuko uncrossed his arms and set his empty cup on the table.  _ I wish I had just one more minute to prepare-  _ “Okay so I, uh-” Zuko looked at the floor, stalling for a second before he looked back up, first meeting Sokka’s eyes, then Aang’s. “I’m majoring in theatre, just switched so I have four semesters to finish an entirely different major,” Zuko laughed dryly, “my uncle owns a tea shop in town, maybe you guys have been there before, The Jasmine Dragon?”

“Iroh’s your uncle?!” Both Aang and Sokka looked a mixture of surprise and fondness. Zuko smiled, a soft smile of absolute love for his uncle. 

“Yeah, that’s him. He’s like a father to me.” Zuko sighed, wringing his hands. He had to tell them.  _ Had to _ . Spirits, he did not want to. “I’m also dealing with a huge trial right now, so I might be a little distant sometimes. I’ll have calls with my lawyer sometimes, but it’s not scheduled until April so there’s a lot of time between then and now.” He spoke to the table, not daring to look either of his roommates in the eye. 

He wasn’t going into specifics, he just couldn’t face the music right now. Plus, they didn’t even need to know. Even if he got to know them well, he might never tell anyone. He had to face his father, his sister, a judge and a jury and tell them every single bad thing that ever fucking happened. That was enough for his entire life. 

“Sorry you have to go through that…” Sokka cleared his throat, “If you need anything at all, you just have to ask.” Zuko looked at Sokka from the corners of his eyes, nervous, heart pounding. 

“Yeah! We gotta stick together. Unless you turn out to be mean.” Still just a child, Aang tried to make a joke. 

It didn’t land. Aang wasn’t bothered. (That was a lie. He was a little upset.) 

“I’ve also been known to party.” Zuko decided to just keep on going, hoping the thank you in his eyes was enough for Sokka to see. He wouldn’t ask. The hope was someone would just see him struggling and help. 

“Oh hell yes.” Sokka suddenly leaned forward, his chair hitting the ground loudly. Zuko dug his nails into his legs and shut his eyes, taking a breath. He could feel Aang’s eyes boring into the side of his face. Sighing, he looked up from the table and met Aang’s eyes. The corner of his mouth came up in a half smile that had no emotion behind it. He could hear Sokka droning on about all the parties they were gonna throw, but Aang stopped him short. 

“Could we not party every week? It’s not good for you.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine.” Sokka deflated a little. Zuko said nothing on the subject. “Maybe we should talk about parties first, since we’re on the subject.”

“Okay!” Aang smiled, leaning forward to put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands.

“I could party every week, but I’d settle for like, once a month.” Zuko shrugged. Out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn Sokka looked at him like he was in love with him. But only for a moment. 

“Like, a party of just our friends or a party of anyone who can possibly fit in here?” Aang’s brow came together. 

“Like a  _ party _ party. I don’t count drinking with friends a ‘party’.” Zuko looked at Aang with just a little hardness in his eye, something like a challenge but not quite. 

“I could have a party party once a month, that’d be cool. Unless you don’t feel safe with that Aang.” Sokka took on the role of big brother for a minute. He knew how important it was to Aang that Aang was  _ always safe. _

“No, no that’s okay. Once a month sounds like something I could handle. I like the idea of having our friends over all the time though. Of course, that means your friends too Zuko.”

“My friends are really my sisters' friends. I don’t know if they’d want to hang without her, I’m really, truly starting from scratch here.” He scooted his chair closer to the table, not correcting the slight angle. “If we could plan a party like, a week in advance that’d be great.”

“Yeah, that sounds good to me!” Aang really was just a little puppy, eager to be one of the big dogs. 

The rest of the night went smoothly. Turns out, they all had a pretty solid and unanimous idea of what living with each other would be like. Less a few schedule conflicts, like Aang and Zuko both being morning showerers. They’d just trade off days. Easy peasey. 

Zuko had retreated to his room, about done with the afternoon already and he hadn’t even begun to think about dinner yet. Instead of doing any of the assignments he had been assigned that day, he sat down and cracked open  _ Almost, Maine _ . After doing the quick google search, he had to know. 

The opening scene made him cringe, of course a teenage boy would say something so incredibly stupid and lose the girl. 

Zuko didn’t know if he believed in love. Well, of course he’d see it around, and knew that it existed in forms. But for him? It wasn’t in his stars. Though, that was probably for the best. As Zuko read scene after scene about love, love blossoming, love dying, it made him think about his own worth. He never really thought he was capable of love, except the love he felt for his sister. And yet it still wasn’t enough. So Zuko realized that his kind of love wouldn’t be understood, and gave up on it. 

Maybe that’s what attracted him to this play in the first place. He read the pages, flipping through them fast and only retaining about sixty-five percent of the words. It was enough to get more than the gist. 

Sokka and Aang grabbed their work and tried their hardest to get something,  _ anything _ done. Aang was too excited about his new friend, and Sokka was overthinking again. He tapped his pen on his schematics, knowing full well he was smart enough to figure out the problem he had written himself into.  _ But am I? I’m not good enough for this and dad’s gonna find out and he's gonna be dissapoin- _

“Sokka? Are you listening?” His eyes focused, realizing he was looking straight at Aang. Aang’s eyes were wide, his head cocked slightly to the side. Sokka blinked at him, trying to get his brain to supply any words, any phrases that it may have picked up. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I got a little lost. What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you’d read this over for me.” He stretched out his arm to hand over his notebook, then realized exactly what he’d scribbled in the margins and tried to take it back. Sokka smirked and lurched over the table to snatch it right out of Aang’s grip. “Sokka!” His squeak tipped off Sokka to what he wasn’t supposed to see. 

Katara’s name scribbled, hearted, bubbled letters. Sokka smiled fondly. If anyone was good enough for Katara, it was Aang. 

“Dude, are you  _ ever _ gonna ask her out?” Chuckling, Sokka began to read what he was asked to. 

“You… you wouldn’t mind?”  _ My sweet summer child. _ Aang played with his fingers, crossing them over each other, refusing to look at Sokka. 

“Aang. Real talk for a sec.” Sokka dropped the notebook and leaned on his arms, leaning toward Aang. Aang looked up at him through his lashes at first, then picking up his head to look Sokka dead on, squaring his shoulders. 

“Y-yeah?” His voice cracked, giving his real feelings away. 

“Listen,” Sokka took a breath, “I’m gonna be brutally honest.” Aang shook in his boots, ready to defend himself if this conversation went south. “You’re a good guy. You’re patient, kind, but most importantly, I can tell you’re ready to physically fight me if I tell you no.” Sokka cracked a smile. “You’d lose-”

“Oh for sure.” Aang laughed nervously.

“That’s the kind of person I want for Katara. Someone who’s ready to fight tooth and nail for her. Someone who’s going to respect her and treat her like the queen she is. And if you think you’re ready to handle her hot head, you’ve got my blessing.” Sokka reached over, putting his hand over Aang's fidgety hands. He’d never get over how his hand fit over two of Aang’s. Aang had sprung up over the last year, but he still had tiny fairy hands.

“Oh, really?” Aang sounded equally relieved and inquizitive. 

“When have you known me to be a liar?” Just then, Katara busted in, already talking to them like she knew they were just sitting there. A blush bloomed on Aang’s face and he excused himself real quick, ducking into the bathroom.

“What’s that about?” Katara pointed toward the bathroom. 

“Eh, who knows. He’s a funny kid.” Sokka bent his head all the way back over his chair so he could look at Katara. He could have sworn he saw that longing look that Aang usually had on Katara’s face. But then again, he  _ was _ looking at her upside down.

“How was school sis?” He smiled at her as she threw her backpack across the room. She placed her laptop bag on the table and sank into a seat. 

“Ever think that you’re not good enough and dad’s are gonna be disappointed?” Katara carried an uncharacteristic worry in her body; tense, suddenly looking more exhausted than ever. 

“Holy hell, literally everyday.” Sokka scooted his chair over to her and hugged her. “We can do this sis. You’re always gonna be stuck with me, nujak.” Katara laughed and pushed him away, but then pulled him back into the embrace. 

“You’re always stuck with me, ani.” Katara sighed, and looked a little rejuvenated. Aang eventually rejoined the land of the living, going to the opposite corner of the room to grab the two extra chairs they had. 

With his door open, Zuko could hear Sokka and Aang’s small friend group trickle in. He heard Toph - was that her name? The one with the dog? - come in, sans dog. No one seemed to comment on it, so the thought blew right back out of his head as quick as it had blown in. Zuko was burnt out for the day; he was mostly just scrolling his phone mindlessly, his homework pushed to the side in exchange for a cold cup of tea and a half written letter to Azula. 

He missed her. So much. So much, it hurt, tore him apart. She had always been there, and even after she turned on him he was still comforted by her presence. He crumpled the page, and threw it on the ground with the growing pile of failed letters. Writing letters wasn’t really his thing, but Zuko almost always dodged her calls too. What was he supposed to say to her?

The chatter outside his door sounded so friendly. It was so  _ inviting _ to him. He was torn between his desire to be unknowable, and his growing loneliness. Uncle soothed his soul, but the time between his visits would get longer as the semester went on, and he knew that the time would wear away that balm. 

He pushed away from his desk, going to pick up the balled up letters and deposit them in the trash can. A cigarette was sounding better and better as the day wore on his nerves. His phone jingled, the little windchime-esque alert telling him to rebandage his side and leg. His burns were so close to not needing dressings, but he would really like to play this safe. The image of his skin being damn near translucent right after the fire was burned into his memory, and he vowed to take extra care of it. 

Before thinking, he took off his shirt, grabbed his med pack, and headed to the bathroom. 

The conversation in the living room came to a hard stop. 

_ God damnit fuckfuckfuck fuuuck- _

“Uh. Hey.” Zuko was beyond embarrased. He was shirtless, hair down, lowcut jeans showing off way too fucking much. He was already too comfortable with his roommates. He rubbed the back of his neck and just kept walking to the bathroom. He heard his name but he frantically shook his head and hit the bathroom light. He closed the door with a soft click. 

Zuko shut his brain off and turned on autopilot. Nearly through rebandaging himself, there was a knock at the door. 

“Hey, it’s Aang.” Came a soft voice from the other side. Zuko continued to tape his dressings to his good skin. “I uh, thought you might want a shirt.” Zuko nodded to himself, and if it had to be anyone he was most comfortable with Aang. He opened the door just enough. “And, oh, hi. Uh, I figured you wouldn’t want me to go into your room.”

“You’d be correct in that assumption, thank you.” Zuko took the blue tee from Aang. 

“But uh, you probably wouldn’t fit into my clothes so I borrowed a shirt from Sokka.” Zuko's brain short circuited. He managed to mumble out another thanks before shutting the door. He leaned against the door, t-shirt in hand. Did he dare? He really shouldn’t think anything of it. It was so  _ wrong _ to have a thing for your roommate. He would have to just get over it. Like he’d ever be Sokka’s type anyway. Jet was always… there to fuck around with. Get his mind off things.

He still put the shirt on and tried very hard not to think about how good it smelled. 

When he appeared back out from the bathroom, med kit in hand, ready to face the group this time. 

“Hey, before you disappear again,” the girl with a top knot, what was her name? “We going to dinner, you come?” Zuko was  _ so sure  _ her accent told him Japanese, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath. The chances of the spirits just dropping someone he could share his culture with right in his lap? Unrealistic. 

“Uh, yeah I guess I could eat.” Zuko nodded, lingering at the entrance to the living room. 

“Good thing Suki has the biggest balls here, poor guy mighta starved!”Toph laughed loudly, Suki punched her arm, but nodded. 

The group got up together, and Zuko’s legs suddenly started working again. He moved with the group, everyone headed toward the door to grab their shoes and walk out the door. Except Toph, who had a pass to wear her shoes inside. 

Zuko trailed behind the group a bit; close enough to be part of the group but removed enough that if they didn’t pay him any attention, they may forget he was there. 

Suki didn’t forget him. She slowed her stride so she ended up right next to him. They met eyes, and Suki smiled softly. 

“O-genki desu ka?” Shooting her shot, she spoke to him in Japanese. Zuko smiled widely. 

“O-aidekite kōeidesu. Admittedly, I don’t know nearly enough japanese, my mom spoke it in the home, I lost it after she left us...” Zuko shrugged. 

“I could teach you! I was 18 when I immigrated to the US.” Suki was so nice, and they really did have so much to talk about. Zuko remembered a single trip to Japan, to see his grandfather who refused to leave the homeland; so much so that he died alone. Good riddance. “I really thought Mai, Ty Lee and Kimiko were the only other japanese people on campus.”

“You know Mai and Ty Lee?” Zuko slipped by Sokka, who was holding the door to the Student Center open for everyone. Holy hell, he was still wearing the baggy blue shirt. Suki caught him off guard. 

“No, I know of them.” Suki shrugged. One by one, the gang swiped into the Dining Hall, greeted by the usual loudness. Everyone who had jackets took them off to save themselves some seats, then they scattered, getting their dinners. 

The dining hall at UCT had six “stations”; sandwich station, vegetarian station, pizza, pasta, “Main Course” and the breakfast station(which was just five types of cereal and four different types of bread for toast). Main Course was a rotating schedule, something different every day. That also meant that it was mass produced, and usually cooked wrong. Sometimes, however, it was pretty good. 

Tonight was not one of those nights. 

When they all convened back at their table, Zuko was amazed at how many plates Sokka was able to balance. 

“Spirits, Sokka you got enough food?” Katara snickered. 

“I’ll save room for dessert, don’t you worry.” It was a well balanced meal, it was just a lot of food. Suki offered her hand to Zuko. He rolled his eyes, but took it. 

“Itadakimasu~!” They said in unison before digging in. 

The gang slipped easily and quickly into small conversations. Zuko was just glad to be around as everyone chatted and stole off each other's plates…

Oh.  _ Oh.  _

This is what a functional friend-family is. He felt the love, even just sitting in. They were all squished in, and somehow Zuko ended up with Aang on his left and Sokka on his right. He didn’t know how they ended up boys versus girls, but hey, he didn’t much care. 

He was glad Aang was on him left; Aang was actively trying to not brush up against him and by the spirits, he didn’t remember the last time someone other than Uncle had treated him with that much tenderness and attention. Zuko was really trying hard not to get too attached, all good things end, but fuck if Aang didn’t make it very hard. The boy was just full of sunshine, full of love and acceptance for everyone. It was easy to let down your guard with Aang around. 

“Oh Katara, hunk alert, twelve o’clock.” Suki pointed with her eyes, and everyone turned to look. Suki rolled her eyes. “Way to be discreet about it.”

The guy had big muscles, sure, but overall? “Eh, I mean sure I can see that he’s attractive, not really my type though.”

“What is your type, sugar queen?” Toph snickered. 

“Nah, Suki’s right,” Zuko turned back to his nearly empty plate, “I’d fuck him.” For the second time that night, Zuko stunned them all into silence. He looked around the table, five pairs of eyes trained right on him; Toph’s mouth hanging open. “Uh, can I help you?” Zuko shoved the last bite of his dinner in his mouth. 

The silence lasted another beat, then Aang cleared his throat. “You just, erm.” Aang scratched the side of his head. 

“Don’t look gay?” Zuko finished for him, nodding. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” Zuko shrugged. “It’s not a secret, I’m just uh, awkward.” The gang laughed, glad that the pressure was off now. Zuko really wanted to at least  _ try _ to make friends, and he was already in the sharing mood from their roommate meeting earlier that day. Why not? They’d find out at some point. 

It didn’t affect Sokka when he saw Zuko walk out of the bathroom with his shirt on. No sir. It didn’t affect Sokka when he caught Suki and Zuko’s small conversation, sharing something that he wasn’t privy to. Absolutely not. (Sokka’s an absolute sucker for friendships blossoming right under his nose.)

And it didn’t affect him to be pressed up against Zuko at dinner. If he was being honest? He still mised Suki. A lot. And it didn’t help that she was always around. Well, that was a secondary feeling. Sokka couldn’t imagine his life without Suki in some capacity. If this was how he got to have Suki in his life, he was fine with that. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck sometimes. 

And he didn’t care  _ at all  _ when Zuko just came out to them like it was nothing. 

Fulfilling his promise to Katara, he finished his mountain of food and still got a soft serve ice cream cone. Swirl, cause why not. He was at the gym enough to burn it all off anyway. He couldn’t get soft at school, it would make going home on breaks intolerable. Had to continue to be strong. Plus, Sokka quite liked the knowledge that he could just move people out of his way if need be. 

“So, us girls are going to go down to Liquid Moonlight before they close, anybody want anything?” Katara asked the group, who had come to a stop on a corner, much to many drivers annoyance (if you aren’t crossing the street don’t stand at the crosswalk!). 

“Nah, I’m good.” Sokka shook his head, as did Aang. Zuko waved a hand and turned to start crossing the street. They all said their goodbyes, and parted ways. 

The walk back to the quad was quiet, until Zuko’s phone started to ring. He stared at the screen, nearly letting voicemail pick it up. Sokka and Aang shared a look as he finally picked up the phone. 

“Hey Azula.” Zuko’s tone was as flat as possible. 

_ Oh finally you pick up.  _

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’m not winning any brother of the year awards.” Zuko was already starting to shake with anxiety, and he reached into his hidden inside breast pocket of his jacket and grabbed his smokes. 

_ Well, are you okay? How’s school?  _ She almost sounded… just as anxious as he was. 

“Yeah I’m fine,” said around the cigarette in the corner of his mouth “It’s really stressful- god damnit  _ fuck _ .” Zuko tried lighting the cigarette, but the lighter just wouldn’t light. Sokka swooped in at that very moment, Zippo already lit. Zuko put his hand on top of Sokka’s, steadying the flame. He patted Sokka’s forearm in a thanks before deliberately walking away from them, into the parking lot across the street from their dorm building. 

Sokka and Aang followed at a respectable distance. 

_ Are you really okay? _

“Yes Azula… What about you?” Zuko walked in a small circle, head down, hitting his cigarette like it was his life breath. 

_ I’m fine. It’s depressing here, beige is so not my color. _

“You should be happy to not be in bright orange. How are you sleeping?” Zuko saw his roommates, and was honestly relieved that they had followed him. Stranger or not, this was a conversation he didn’t want to have alone. 

_ I’m… not.  _

“Makes two of us. Mom?” Zuko swallowed hard. He shouldn’t’ve asked, cause then she would ask and he’d have to lie to her. 

_ Always. It’s always the same.  _

“I’m sorry. Listen, do you need anything?” Disgusted with himself, he pulled another smoke out of his pack and lit it with the cherry of his first one. 

_ Would you send me money for, ugh this is embarrassing you’re my brother- _

“I’m also the only person who’ll talk to you.”

_ Shut the fuck up. I just need… personal care items.  _ Zuko cringed with her, yeah okay this was embarrassing. 

“Yeah okay, I’ll call the office tomorrow. I got you.”

_ Thank you. You’re lawyer showed up again this weekend, can you tell her to fuck off? _

“I really think you should talk to her-”

_ Zuko, I told you. He’ll kill me.  _

“Azula! Do you not understand? You were  _ there _ . You know what he  _ did _ . We’re both fucked if he walks.”

_ Zuko you’re the one who doesn’t understand- _

“You can’t do this to me! You can’t just let him win like thi- Azula?” Zuko looked at his phone, the call ending. Why do conversations with her always end like this. He took one last drag of his cigarette and crushed it in his palm, the sting of the cherry just enough to keep him on the ground. He turned to Aang and Sokka, who were pointedly  _ not  _ looking at him. “Family sucks, lets go inside.”

“You just…” Aang walked right next to him, speaking softly. “Put out that cigarette with your hand.” Aang continued to look forward, looking like he was trying to solve the problem that was Zuko.

And Zuko was already heated. He was careless, angry, and incredibly hurt. 

“My fucking dad used to use me as his personal ash tray. I’m very fucking fmailiar with the sensation.” the words were clipped, barked out like he was angry at Aang. He absolutely wasn’t, he was just seeing red. Aang stiffened up next to him, looking like he was starting to see red too.  _ Aw, fuck. _ Zuko knew Aang wouldn’t hurt him, but he knew jack shit about Sokka. 

He braced for the impact, stride stuttering as they entered their dorm building. 

The elevator doors closed. Aang reached for his hand and Sokka clasped a hand on his bad shoulder. Zuko jumped out of his skin, grabbing onto Aang's hand and shook out of Sokka’s grasp.

“Ah, shit, nah dude it ain’t like that, I’m sorry.” Sokka fought the instinct to reach back out, and instead just shied away from Zuko as well. Aang just held Zuko’s hand tight. 

Fuck, Zuko was fucking this up hardcore. “No, I know, I-”

“You don’t ever have to explain yourself,”  _ DING _ , the boys stepped out of the elevator, Sokka unlocked their door while he spoke. “We understand.”

“I’m just… I’m gonna go to bed guys.” Zuko took off his shoes at the door, but headed straight to his room. He stood in the doorway for a second before turning back around. “Thanks for letting me come to dinner. It was… nice.” He nodded to his roommates and, true to his word, disrobed and went to bed. 

He heard Sokka and Aang go into their room too, and wondered if it was really late enough for them to actually be tired. He was tired (in way more ways than just physically. The kind of tired sleeping never fixed.). 

Aang jolted awake, in a cold sweat, with the image of blood pools plastered to the back of his eyes. He breathed in, out, and in again. Counting to ten. Everything his therapist told him to do.

It never helped. He’d be plagued by these nightmares forever. 

Was… was that a scream? Brow furrowed, Aang slipped his feet into his slippers and exited his room in time to see Zuko crumble into the pit, blanket falling over him. Aang grabbed two glasses of water from the kitchen, and quietly slipped into the pit behind Zuko. 

“I don’t have to stay, but I brought you a drink.” Aang put the glass above Zuko’s head, on the hardwood floor. Zuko’s hand came from under the blanket to grab the cup. 

“What’re you doing awake?”

“Same as you. You’re actually living in nightmare central, Sokka and I suffer from them as well.” Zuko nodded, carefully sipping the water from under his blanket. 

“You uh,” Zuko slipped easily into Big Brother Mode. It’d been a while since he had to be a big brother, but it was in his DNA. “You can tell me about it if you want. Sometimes it helps to get it out.” 

Aang grabbed a throw blanket that was disguised as a pillow and curled up behind Zuko, forehead on his back. 

“I uh,” Aang sniffled, itching his nose, “I dream about my parents. They died when I was little. I still remember exactly what they looked like while they were bleeding out.” His voice was just a whisper, trembling and choked up. Aang put a hand on Zuko’s back, wanting a hug but feeling better just knowing he was there. Dead parents was a soft spot with Sokka, so they never really talked about it. 

Zuko reached behind him and took Aang’s hand, pulling it around his waist. It was the only invitation he needed to wrap both his arms around Zuko. 

“You shouldn’t’ve had to go through that. I’m here Aang.” Aang cried into Zuko’s back, shivering behind him. “We’re quite a bunch, huh?” Zuko’s laugh was caught in his chest, a low rumbling that quieted Aang. 

“We really are. It’s not an accident we’re together you know. I prayed for someone that would understand, who would listen, and the universe sent me you.” That made Zuko smile, and made his heart hurt. This small kid prayed for a big sibling, and Zuko had prayed for another chance to be a big brother. He’d meant it for Azula, but a little sibling was a sibling. 

It wasn’t a mistake that they took to each other immediately. Both of them filled a void for each other. 

“The universe is a funny place. Ever think about it?” Zuko shook his head. 

“Not really, never crossed my mind.”

“Me and Gyatso - he’s my guardian, I call him uncle - travelled around the world, and I still ended up in Colorado. Crazy.” Aang yawned, his grip on Zuko loosening but he wouldn’t let go. 

That was okay with Zuko. Poor boy needed someone, and he would be here for him. 

“The last time I was in Japan…” Zuko recounted the Japanese sea shore for Aang, droning on and on in a soft and steady voice until he felt Aang fall asleep. He used to do that for Azula, except he’d been so young at the time that he’d just drone on about his day. 

Long stories always put little siblings straight to sleep. Goal achieved, Zuko closed his eyes and drifted off easily into sleep. 

They shared a dreamless sleep in the pit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! i think kudos and comments are -chefs kiss- ((and i'll talk to you in the comments eyeballs emoji))


	5. Black Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is that your sister?” Sokka turned and pointed at Mai. Zuko snorted and dropped his cup straight into the sink under the running water.  
> “That’s my ex. No, my sister is the one with her hair pulled back with the gold hair. Bow or whatever you’d call that. The one who looks like-”  
> “She’s plotting my death?”  
> “That’s the bitch.” Buzzzzz.
> 
> [4:44pm; A Bad Decision] New Message
> 
> “So I guess you’re right.” Sokka handed the photo over.  
> “Really? That’s it?”Zuko reached for the photo over the half wall.  
> “Yeah, cause I remember that party. Look closer.” Sokka, seemingly done with the conversation, turned his attention back to his homework.  
> Oh spirits. “Dude, that’s you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five! Finally you say, and so do I tbh. Please enjoy :]:]

The image of Zuko and Aang in the pit, sound asleep wouldn’t leave Sokka’s mind. He couldn’t focus on a single class that day, went over and over every possible reason why they were there. 

Some of them he’d rather not think about. Aang was like a brother. And Zuko… 

Whatever about Zuko. He wouldn’t think about it. He pushed the door open with his hip with way too much force, busting out into the parking lot. It was devoid of life, less the birds chirping away in the trees. 

He absolutely would not think about how warm Zuko’s rough, scarred hand was against his. Disregard _any_ thoughts about how he wished Zuko would do it again. Push down any feeling that even bordered envy toward Aang. 

Scratching the shaved sides of his hair, he thought that there had to be a reasonable explanation. Maybe they’d just been talking and fell asleep. That’d happened more times than he could count to him; waking up on Katara’s floor in the middle of the night, having a small panic attack before he could figure out where he was. And every time he had to actually breathe instead of just sneakily smoking or popping an anti-anxiety (listen. Sometimes a guy just needs to zombie out to get shit done).

(Sokka didn’t realize that meds aren’t supposed to make you a zombie.)

He sat at the pond on the outskirts of campus, sitting back and watching the ducks swim around. Opening his bag exposed all of his scrolls of paper, rooting around in them caused a few to pop out and roll around on the grass. He found what he was looking for; the cup of grapes he’d bought at the Snack bar. They’d turned out to be a little soft and squishy, not good enough for him but great for the ducks. After picking up his spilled schematics, he started ripping the grapes in half and throwing handfuls to the ducks, watching them fight over the grapes.

“Chill guys, there’s enough for everyone.” He said softly, throwing another big handful into the water. One duck came up to him, calmly and curiously. Sokka fed her from pinched fingers; he didn’t want to accidentally get bit. 

_“Quack!”_ Soon after, a small group of baby ducks came up beside the adult duck. Soft and full of love, Sokka fed each of them two halves. And then, just as suddenly as they had appeared, the little family of ducks left, back into the pond. Sokka threw the rest of the grapes into the pond, and got up to leave. Just in time, too. He passed a large group headed toward the pond as he was leaving. 

Usually, Sokka wasn’t one for space. He filled every day with back to back activities with other people. He had to. He never wanted to think about the things that bothered him. And yet, he still thought about it sometimes. Today, after such a jarring wake up scene, he needed his space. He had to shut off his phone to stop the texts from driving him to go somewhere with someone, he couldn’t be trusted with his own phone.

He breathed a breath of fresh air when he unlocked the door to their quad. Usually Aang would leave it unlocked for him, and it was the middle of the day. Zuko had only once come home before ten at night. And that was a special circumstance. 

So Sokka did what any other person would do, home alone; he went to his room and emerged in just boxers and socks with his bluetooth speaker. 

Feeling like cinnamon rolls, Sokka grabbed his ingredients from the shelves; flour, yeast, cinnamon, sugar. They weren’t all that hard to make, if you didn’t care about that perfect spiral (Sokka did). He grabbed the butter out of the fridge and set some water on the stove to come up to temp. Before going any further, Sokka went to the closet to grab his apron. He already had one too many burn marks on his stomach. Something about baking shirtless was just right. 

Singing loudly and surprisingly on key, he used his rubber spatula as a microphone from time to time. He danced around the kitchen, wiggling to the beat even while stressing over his perfect spiral. 

He put the rolls in the oven and started the clean up. He’d mastered the art of making a giant fucking mess, but at least he was capable of cleaning the giant mess. 

Just as Sokka was wiping down the counter for the last time, the song of the millenium came on. _Every Time We Touch_ by Cascada rang through the quad. 

And Sokka didn’t miss a beat. 

He slid around the quad in his socks, dancing wildly and singing at the top of his lungs. He did every corny dance move he could think of; the sprinkler, the cabbage patch, the running man. He let strands of his hair fall into his face; he couldn't be bothered to tighten up his wolftail. At one point a whole braid fell out of the hair tie, the whole updo threatening to collapse at any given moment.

Oh how he needed this break. His smile was a mile wide. 

Sokka didn’t even notice Zuko standing in the doorway to his room. 

Zuko had heard Sokka come in, and didn’t think anything of it. He continued doing the classwork that had been assigned on BlackBoard in lieu of class. Then the music turned on, and spirits did Sokka have bad taste in music (read: Zuko wouldn’t admit to liking any music that wasn’t punk or emo). Then Sokka started singing and all thoughts flew out of Zuko’s head. Every thought was replaced by Sokka’s voice, uninhibited by an audience. Okay, maybe pop music was tolerable. 

Zuko had to see what Sokka was doing. All he could hear was the music and his singing, but there was no way he was just sitting around singing like that. Not even bothering to put on a shirt or tie up his hair (he’d outed himself to the whole world already), Zuko opened his door, and leaned on the door jam. _Spirits he’s baking in his fucking underwear._ Zuko couldn’t resist a good pastry, especially if it was on the side of a good cup of tea. Zuko really couldn’t resist thinking about Sokka’s chiseled back and how it would look with marks-

Nope. Zuko shook his head to reset it like an Etch-A-Sketch.

The flour was all the way up Sokka’s forearm, and Zuko wondered how messy little pastries could be. Maybe Sokka was just like that. Maybe Zuko found it endearing. He did feel like he was invading a personal moment, but he couldn’t help it. Sokka’s muscular body was oh so very enticing- 

Zuko’d have to give Jet a text. He just needed to get laid, that’s all. He _refused_ to ask his whole damn roommate to help him with that specific problem.

Then that hugely popular song came on, and it made Zuko tap along, because who didn’t know Cascada? 

Zuko watched Sokka dance - yes, like a creep - and couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up from his chest. _Oh, oh no._

Sokka gasped, twirling around, eyes finally meeting Zuko’s. Unfortunately, Newton’s first law of motion proves true time and time again, and Sokka continued to slip on the hardwood until he tumbled into the pit with little notice, eyes trained on Zuko. 

Zuko heard his face smash into the corner of the pit and cringed at the whimper that left Sokka’s chest. He went over to a dazed and groaning Sokka, ready to help him up. 

“Dude I’m sorry, I-” Zuko’s hand was already on Sokka’s forearm, ready to defend himself with a shitty lie, before he saw the blood pouring out of Sokka’s cheek. “Aw fuck.” Zuko sat a very stunned Sokka up, patted his arm, and went to his room to gather his med pack. He was already opening a sterile gauze pad with his pack under his arm as he walked back to Sokka. 

Sokka gulped as Zuko clambered into the pit in front of him. Zuko’s body radiated heat, which was new to Sokka. Usually he was the furnace. All he could do was look at Zuko’s face, and how his hair framed his face perfectly, not knowing what to say to the man who had just caught him dancing and singing to _Cascada._

“How long were you-” Zuko tucked Sokka's loose hairs behind his ear, and Sokka’s brain short-circuited.

“Long enough. You’re uh,” gently cupping Sokka’s face and tilting it, wiping the blood from his cheek. He stared very intently at the wound, it wasn’t big but the intimacy would just kill him if he looked into Sokka’s eyes. “You sing good.” Zuko cleared his throat, hand leaving his face to dig around in his med pack. Sokka used the free moment to let his eyes wander over Zuko’s shirtless chest. He couldn’t even imagine what kind of fire could have done that kind of damage. And how Zuko still looked so lean and absolutely _powerful._

“Thanks, I- Fuck!” Zuko, in one fell swoop, grabbed Sokka’s face again and pressed the alcohol wipe onto the wound. “Warn a guy next time?” Zuko shook his head, wiping the alcohol wipe over the wound one last time. 

“You’ll live.” Zuko produced a bandaid, and tenderly bandaged Sokka’s face with a morbid laugh. “We match.” Making the mistake of his lifetime, he looked up at Sokka with his hand still gingerly cupping his cheek. 

Sokka returned the favor, brushing Zuko’s hair out of his face, ghosting the tips of his fingers over his cheekbone. He searched Zuko’s eyes for something that would tell him anything. As usual, Zuko was unreadable. His eyes wandered down to his scars again. “Does it..” His arm moved on it’s own, reaching out to splay his fingers over his chest, just barely brushing the edge of his scar. “Hurt?”

Zuko squeaked, but leaned into the touch. “Not really, not anymore.” His voice just barely over a whisper. 

The blush spread across his face faster than he could release Sokka’s face and turn away. “Your sweets are burning.” Zuko’s voice returned to its usually hard, gravelly deep tone. He grabbed Sokka’s wrist and removed it from his body. Sokka just sat there for a moment, taking back his hand, trying to make sense of that pretty blush on Zuko’s face, and why he just _had_ to think it was _so_ pretty. 

“My wh-”

Then it clicked. 

“My cinnamon rolls!” Sokka launched himself out of the pit, scrambling to save his baking. Zuko laid back in the pit, knowing that if he quietly slunk into his room it’d be so much more incriminating. Sokka produced the rolls, holding them high, like a trophy. “Just in time!” He closed the metal door with his foot, holding the hot pan in one hand while grabbing the wire cooling rack from the cabinet. He was supposed to have pulled it out well before now, but he’d gotten… well... distracted. 

“Cinnamon rolls? Like, Pillsbury? I love that icing.” Zuko knew, he’d watched him make them, but what was a blossoming friendship without some light bullying. 

“Wh- How- I- Pillsbury?! Who do you think I am?” Sokka scoffed, leaning over the counter to look at Zuko. Zuko leaned his head back to look at Sokka, upside-down. 

“I dunno. You look like a corner-cutter.” Zuko smirked. “I mean, I wouldn’t blame you,” Zuko pushed himself up into a backbend, then flipped right out of the pit. “Cinnamon rolls just seem so hard.” 

_What a fucking showoff_. Still, Sokka couldn’t believe what he’d just seen. “Why don’t you try one and find out? Ooh, good song.” _Closer_ by Nine Inch Nails started to play, Sokka sang along to it while he grabbed a small plate. 

“I knew you had better taste in music than pop.” Zuko leaned on the half wall that divided the living room and the kitchen, pulling his phone from his pants pocket. 

**[4:26pm; Me] free tonight?**

Zuko took the cinnamon roll from Sokka, nodding along to the music while Sokka sang quietly now. It was still beautiful, or maybe it was the way the words he sang did things to him. 

_Buzzzzz._

**[4:28pm; A Bad Decision] was wondering where u were. your place or mine?**

**[4:29pm; Me] yours. you get so loud.**

“Who you texting in such a hurry?” Sokka said around a mouthful of cinnamon roll. He was right, they were delicious. Even without icing. Zuko’s blood sugar was gonna skyrocket. 

“An old friend.”

“You have friends?” Sokka raised an eyebrow, with a little smirk on his face. Zuko just rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll have you know,” passing his empty plate back to Sokka, “I was once not horribly disfigured and very cool.” Sokka looked at the plate and widened his eyes, checking out for a hot second, before meeting Zuko’s eyes again. 

“Oh yeah? Gimme the proof.” Zuko knocked once on the counter and stood up straight. 

“Bet.” He turned and went to his room to grab the photo he kept next to his bed. _Buzzzzz._

**[4:35pm; A Bad Decision] that’s just what you do to me baby.**

Zuko’s nose wrinkled at the pet name, but he’d always endured them. During sex he just kinda shut off his brain and let his body do the work. 

That’s not to say that he wasn’t absolutely satisfied every time. 

**[4:36pm; Me] you're gross what time?**

He grabbed a shirt off the floor, and the picture off his nightstand, and headed back out to the living room. Sokka had spread his schematics over the table and was already face down on them. Seeming to have the same idea about wearing clothes, Sokka had slapped on a blue muscle shirt but stayed pantsless. Zuko sat the picture in front of him and went into the kitchen for a drink, while pulling the shirt over his head. 

“Is that your sister?” Sokka turned and pointed at Mai. Zuko snorted and dropped his cup straight into the sink under the running water. Thankfully it was plastic.

“That’s my ex. No, my sister is the one with her hair pulled back with the gold hair… bow or whatever you’d call that. The one who looks like-”

“She’s plotting my death?”

“That’s the bitch.” _Buzzzzz._

**[4:44pm; A Bad Decision] I’ll pick you up at eight :***

The emoji actually made Zuko groan and roll his eyes. Jet? Again? His name in his phone was literally “A Bad Decision”. 

And yet. 

“So I guess you’re right.” Sokka handed the photo over.

“Really? That’s it?” Zuko reached for the photo over the half wall. 

“Yeah, cause I remember that party. Look closer.”Sokka, seemingly done with the conversation, turned his attention back to his homework. 

_Oh spirits_. “Dude, that’s you!” Zuko gasped and went over to the table. He clasped onto his -so very broad- shoulder and shook it. “That party was insane! Do you remember when Danny Kaiser tried to jump off the roof-”

“And then the roof caved in under him,” Sokka threw his head back, howling in laughter. 

“Last time I’m ever going to a party in a condemned house.”

“I went home covered in drywall and leaves.” Sokka shook his head. “I was in the splash zone.”

“No way, that’s crazy. I was outside, uh-”

“You _weren’t_.” Zuko cackled. 

“Oh but I was.”

“He could have died! Do a flip? Really?”

“Listen, I watched that man drink his weight in pure, uncut hundred proof vodka. On more than a handful of occasions! I think he might be unkillable.” Zuko pulled out a chair and sat with Sokka, looking over his schematics. “Plus I would have.” He grabbed one of the papers, one with math and equations littering the margins. 

“Careful with that! That’s the most important one.” Sokka reached out real quick, making Zuko let go and jump away. Sokka sighed and covered his eyes with his hand. “Sorry.” He mumbled, taking a deep breath. Zuko was quiet, hands folded neatly in his lap. He nodded, but didn’t pick his head back up. 

They sat in silence for a while, Zuko just watching Sokka work. It was a breath of air from his grueling analysis of _The Laramie Project_. Of course as a gay guy he’d blindly pick the play about a gruesome hate crime. Did it work as a documentary? Yes. Did it work as a play?

Only if you do it right. 

“The math just doesn’t add up.” Sokka pushed his papers away from himself and let his forehead hit the table. Zuko looked over the papers, careful this time not to touch any. 

“Submarines?” Zuko’s brow pulled together. “Did you come up with these designs?” Sokka’s mumbled words sounded like a yes. “From your own damn brain? Out of thin air?” That earned him a chuckle. Sokka turned his head so his cheek was flush with the table and he was looking up at Zuko through his eyelashes. 

“Yeah, from my own damn brain. It’s a semester long project, and I’m a stupid mother fucker who had to make life hard.” 

"Well you can bounce it off me, but I know less than nothing about math and mechanics." Sokka smirked, head still on the table.

"A real live rubber duck! Never even thought of burdening someone with that." 

"A fucking what?" The look of unadulterated confusion on Zuko's face was so cute Sokka thought he'd just die.

"It's not important, but if you really wanna know I'll tell you." 

"Yeah go ahead, why don't I make some tea?" Zuko got up to go fill the kettle.

"Basically we have to build an aquatic vehicle, from schematics to built and working. Bonus points if it's a submersible or a multi-terrain, so of course I choose to design a submersible with a side order of multi terrain." Sokka finally picked his head up, but instead leaned back over the chair, hanging his head upside down and closing his eyes. "I'm thinking of dropping the multi-terrain, the math won't allow for a fuel tank, wheels and an air chamber without the use of an external floatation device to keep it from sinking. Basically it has to be a scale model, if I could get a tiny person in there they'd have to be able to pilot it."

"Excuse me?" The screech of the old tea pot nearly masked Zuko's question. He chose a very nice ceylon black tea with orange peel, a blend that wasn't out of the ordinary but damn it if he didn't dry the orange peel himself. "Why don't you just use a small float?"

"Against the rules. I'm trying to account for the drag through the water but every time I do that it throws the numbers off." 

"Does it have to be perfect on paper before you build?" Zuko brought over the two cups of tea, and pulled out a small jar of honey from his pocket.

"Something like this, in the time frame I have, doesn't have room for a complete re-do. It's gotta be damn near perfect on paper."

Aang busted in then, Toph, Suki, and Appa in tow. Wearing torn up jeans and an old white tee-shirt, Aang was covered in paint, glue, and was sporting a large bandage on his right hand. 

"Ya have fun today Aang?" Sokka snorted, beginning to pack up his schematics. Zuko was a little disappointed, though he'd never admit that. Sokka sounded so smart, and he was clearly passionate about the subject matter and wanted to do more than what was expected of him. 

"Art class is kicking my ass dude. I stayed after an hour and a half and barely made any progress." Aang set down his bag, and gently kicked it so the bag slipped down the hall toward their bedroom. 

Toph and Appa went to their usual spot in the pit, snuggling into the pillows and blankets. Suki went to the kitchen to raid the kitchen. 

"Snacks?" Came from inside the fridge. 

"Help yourself to my stuff on the top shelf." Zuko pointed with his eyes to the cabinet when Suki turned to look at him. 

"And you know you're welcome to literally anything else in the kitchen if it's not what I've pulled out for dinner." Sokka went to put his scrolls in the room, picking up Aang's as he walked by. 

"Anyone heard from Katara today?" Aang hopped up onto the half wall to sit. He swung his feet gently, making sure not to hit the wall with his heels. 

The chorus of negatives deflated Aang just a little. 

"What is it, Friday?" Sokka called from the bedroom. He emerged in grey joggers. "I think she has that supplimental instruction today." Sokka turned his chair around in an attempt to face everyone before sitting back down. 

Suki was tall, but she wasn't too shelf tall. She climbed up onto the counter to rifle through Zuko's snacks. She settled on a pack of kinoko no yama, and went to eat over the sink. 

Toph rolled into her stomach, leaning her head on her arms on the floor. "Sugar queen is always studying. We gotta have a party and force her to just have fun." Appa moved to lay his body onto Toph with a sigh. 

Zuko held out an open hand to Suki.

"Lazy boy," she said while placing one of the little treats into his hand. 

"Our first party! We should have it tonight!" Aang swung his legs more excitedly, accidentally kicking the wall he sat upon. 

"Sounds like a horrible idea twinkle toes." 

"I agree, it's too quick, I'm sure we could get the word out but we'd be better off finding a party." Suki finished off her snack and leaned on the counter next to the sink. 

"We can just drink at home if we'd like." Sokka offered. 

"I've got plans tonight, count me out this time." Zuko cleared his throat. 

"A date?" Suki waggled her eyebrows at him. 

"Like it's any of your business." Monotone voice, accompanied by a roll of his eyes.

"He's got you there, Sooks." Sokka cocked his head with a finger gun pointed to Suki. She held her hands up in a surrender. 

"What's for dinner boomerang boy?" 

"I'm cooking tonight?" Sokka shook his head, eyes growing wide.

"I don't want dining hall food _again_. And Meal Equiv is always so busy." Toph sounded grumpy. 

"We could order in?" Aang suggested. "I could afford that," said with a shrug. 

"Pizza?" Suki threw in her two cents. 

Zuko watched them interact, and it was like looking in from behind a two way mirror. He knew he'd already un-invited himself from their plans, but for the second time today he felt like an outsider witnessing a private moment. 

But, at the same time, he still felt comfortable with these people. He didn't know a lot about Toph, but Aang and Sokka were his roommates, and him and Suki had a bond that was forged long ago, written in the stars, facilitated by their ancestors. 

"Ugh as long as you promise to not ruin a pizza with pineapple," Sokka's nose crinkled.

"At least I don't like anchovies." Suki shot back, killing Sokka with six words. 

"Yeah what's up with that?" Aang giggled.

"You like anchovies?" Zuko snickered.

"Hey! In the village about 70 percent of my diet is from the sea, leave me alone." 

With a little more discussion on appropriate toppings, and what Katara would want (she liked anchovies too but those were already veto'd), the gang was able to come to a consensus about forty minutes after the conversation had begun. 

Zuko made a light dinner while everyone else lived around him. It was… comforting to feel okay around them. Not quite strangers, not yet friends, but friendlier than aquaintances. He just lived, as did they. 

Then Katara walked in with the food.

"I intercepted the pizzas for you guys. Did you factor me in?" 

"No Katara, we figured you'd just get a bite in the dining hall," Sokka, the sass master, "of course we did. They veto'd anchovies!" He took the pizzas from her and brought them over to the table. 

"What! You guys are mean!" Katara huffed, with a smile, shaking her head. 

"What's mean is the anchovies sme-" Toph was interrupted by a knock at the door. The gang shared confused looks, they were all here already.

"It's for me," Zuko got up from him using noodle soup, depositing it in the sink even though he only ate half. 

"Hey Jet, you can come in for a minute, I need to go get my coat." Zuko opened the door for Jet, abandoning him in the doorway to disappear into his room. 

If piercing silence could kill, everyone would be dead. Jet just stuffed his hands in his black leather jacket, not meeting anyone's eyes. 

Zuko came out a moment later, shrugging on his coat. "I'll do my dishes when I get home." He waved everyone goodbye.

"Have him home by midnight!" Suki teased. 

"I promise I won't." Jet winked to Suki and a beet red Zuko pulled him through the door.

"Where'd you park?" The elevator was way too quiet.

"Illegally right outside." 

"Of course you did."

"What can I say," Jet shrugged, "old habits."

"That's fair." Zuko wondered why Jet hadn't looked at him in surprise that he was now… ugly and disfigured. Jet was always an outlier though, so maybe it wasn't that out of the ordinary. 

The ride to Jet's wasn't long, but it still felt like an eternity with Jet's hand on Zuko's thigh. 

The apartment building wasn't much, only four small one bedroom apartments in a building barely big enough to fit them. The front door was blue and didn't latch, and Zuko always wondered why Jet only had the one doorknob lock. There would absolutely be at least five locks on Zuko's door, if he had his own place. 

Jet lived on the second floor, in the smaller of the two apartments. The space was literally three rooms: a bathroom big enough for a toilet and a shower stall, the "living area" that was dingy linoleum with a stove that could barely fit an 8"x8" brownie pan, and the bedroom that was carpeted in a gross shade of blue.

They wasted no time shedding shirts. They knew what they were here to do, there was no sense in pretending like this wasn't a booty call. Zuko swallowed hard before he turned to face Jet, wanting to crawl out of his own skin while knowing that it was inevitable. 

And at the end of the day, he wouldn't be here if he didn't trust Jet a little. 

"So, what are the new boundaries?" Jet let his eyes roam Zuko's bare torso, mentally cataloguing where his scars seemed they'd be the most tender. 

"Uh-" Zuko coughed, looking away for a second. New boundaries? If only he'd thought that far. "Erm, like just pretend they don't exist but also avoid touching too much... that sounds contradictory but-"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm a big boy, I think two extra rules aren't going to be hard."

In another life, Zuko could really love Jet. At one point, he thought he did. Jet was thoughtful at the very least, and not that bad face wise. But that relationship devolved gracefully, no hard feelings, just a mutual understanding that they didn't work. It shrank into something they both enjoyed from time to time. They egged each other on, bringing out sides of both guys that weren't bad, not by a long shot, but were unsustainable. It was like a black hole engulfing a sun. It happened slowly at first, building trust, finding boundaries, going out alone. As things started speeding up, they spiraled out of control until they were both consumed by the other. Being apart was best for them.

Jet lead Zuko into the bedroom, walking behind him with an arm slung around his waist and lips on Zuko's neck. Jet knew Zuko like the back of his hand. He kicked the door shut behind them. 

Zuko was very grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Come check out the "ymatp" tag on my Tumblr "bongripsncoffee" for Official Artwork!!
> 
> As always kudos and comments are like a drug to me and fuel the muse inside.


	6. The Hot Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Uncle didn’t expect him every day, he usually spent that time in the library. He didn’t really know what to do, having downtime at home. 
> 
> And even if he was home he was in his room. Studying. 
> 
> Not today. He’d run into Aang coming out when Zuko was coming home, and they’d had a short conversation in the doorway, but then Zuko was left in the empty quad. He had to start figuring out how to direct a whole play, but he had a few minutes. He unlocked his phone and tapped on Uncle’s contact. 
> 
> Uncle picked up before the first ring ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always say this but i will never stop saying it: thank you so much for your patience, and your love, and your comments. i love them all and i love you all.   
> We made it through this week guys, here's a new chapter to relax with <3  
> come interact with me on Tumblr and I just might be swayed to post more  
> this chapter has a brief instance of Extreme Language (read:c*nt) so don't come for me you already know about it

Zuko was wildly unprepared for his pitch. He didn’t even have a hard copy of “Midsummer’s Night Dream”, and he was supposed to pitch it? He tried to pay attention, he really did. But listening to pitch after pitch of “edgy” plays wore him down. He couldn’t fathom trying to be a part of a play that the plot was the aftermath of a fire (really, universe? any other kind of disaster would have been better). 

It didn’t even matter that he didn’t have “Midsummer”; that annoying red head who tried too hard to impress Professor Nathaniel “Teal” Minton (as he had introduced himself on day one) had it in her hands. Zuko groaned, rolling his eyes and shutting off his ears so he wouldn’t have to listen to this chick suck both the professor and Shakespeare’s metaphoric dicks. At least now he wouldn’t have to pitch it. 

Except now he had…  _ almost _ nothing. 

He’d been late getting up and out of Jet’s apartment; it was quiet, clean, and overall just a nice place to lay his weary head. Waking up all tangled together, pulling himself out of the warmth of the covers was very hard (Jet kept his thermostat at 65 year round and with the cold weather coming in from the north it just wasn’t warm enough for Zuko). He’d finally managed to pull himself out of bed when the nicotine withdrawals crept into his bones. 

And he knew how much Jet hated the fact that Zuko continued to smoke. 

“Mr. Sozin?” Zuko’s head snapped up, eyes narrowing. 

“Mr. Sozin is my father, please just call me Zuko.” The fire in Zuko’s eyes could kill a man. 

“Understood. If you’d like to grace us with your pick for the semester, now’s the time.” Zuko cleared his throat and went to dig around in his bag. It was probably the worst decision ever to just dump everything on his desk straight into his bag in his whirlwind out the door. He pulled out the tattered blue script and nodded. 

“Right, so the play I brought in is “Almost, Maine”. It’s a collection of stories about the residents of an unincorporated territory nicknamed Almost in northern Maine.” Zuko shrugged, handing the script to the guy on his left. “They’re all stories about love, or the lack thereof. The northern lights play a part in them, like uh,” Zuko faltered, watching the script get passed around. 

_ Spirits I should have just pitched Love Amongst the Dragons…  _ His hands flitted around his lap, and he began to bounce his leg. “But anyway, uh it was written for four actors with doubling, but there are nineteen parts in total. I’d want a fresh face for every scene.” And with that, he concluded his shitty pitch. “I’ve read the script, I can answer questions if anyone has any.” 

“Yeah I’ve got one,”  _ come on of course you do,  _ Annoying Red Head called out, “What do you think will be the biggest challenge of your script? I’m not familiar.” Zuko nodded.  _ Okay that’s a fair question. _

“The northern lights. They’re what ties these scenes together in the same space. In universe, every scene is happening simultaneously, during or just before the appearance of the northern lights. We’d have to make use of a projector or colored lights were my first thoughts.” That answer seemed to be out of the realm of her expected answers, and the Annoying Red Head just nodded and shut up. 

“What are we going to bring to this script that’s new or exciting?” The guy to his left asked him.  _ I really should learn these people’s names.  _

“Honestly, I’d make every scene queer if I could. But other than that, the author's note says this play is designed for an older cast, so being college aged actors we’d bring youth to the script. The only scene that might suffer from our youth is “Where it Went”, as that scene is about a married couple who have kids and have been together quite a while.” Zuko turned to look at the guy next to him.

“Some of the older majors might be able to help us out with that problem.” He offered. Zuko nodded. 

“Why would you make the script queer?” A blonde in leggings and Uggs crossed her legs, saying the word  _ queer _ like it was a dirty word. “The script is straight, why not just play it like that?”

“Why not play it queer.” It wasn’t a question, Zuko leaned back and sneered at her. “There’s no reason for the characters to be cishet, it’s not important to any scene. They work just as well when I make it queer.”

“Well, if it has to be gay, can most of it be girl on girl? That would make it  _ very _ interesting.” Blond hair, blue eyes, hair high and tight guy next to her asks. 

Zuko nearly throws up.

“If you’re gonna be gross like that then I’ll make it all guys, don’t test me.” Zuko snaps back. He notices that the professor is getting a kick out of this conversation, and Zuko almost lightens up. 

Almost. 

“There’s no room for homophobia here. If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to let you learn what a gay kiss feels like firsthand? Maybe you'll calm down if you do.” Zuko ends that conversation. A small girl - Nikki, as he (mis)remembered (her name is Nicole, points for trying) - timidly raises her hand as she passes the script to the next person. Zuko nods her on. 

“I was just wondering, what do you imagine costuming like?” Zuko breathes a cool breath, thankful for a real question. 

“Most scenes address this in the beginning scene setting, but I imagine it will be a lot of puffy coats and mittens. I also had the thought to use blue lights to cool the stage for us, and give off a nighttime, snowy feel.” Zuko takes the script back from the girl to his right, thanking her quietly. 

“I think we’ve heard enough, and it sounds like you’re all very interested in knowing more about the scripts pitched today, so why don’t we take our vote now. How should we vote, a hat or a hand raise?” Professor Minton closes the discussion, as he can and should. Sometimes, longer scholarly conversation, is more detrimental to the psyche.

“I think a paper ballot would suffice, Teal.” Ugh. Annoying Red Head probably wouldn’t stop brown-nosing him all semester. 

So the whole class casted their votes by paper ballot. Zuko couldn’t imagine working with any other script he’d heard, so he just voted for himself. He expected the winning script to win by one vote; who didn’t vote for themselves during an election?

When Professor Minton drew up a tally chart on the portable whiteboard, and “Almost, Maine” got one, two,  _ three? Four??? Holy shit what- _

“Wow, you know what this has never happened before. “Almost, Maine” is damn near unanimous, congratulations Zuko.” Zuko couldn’t help but feel vindicated, his eyes locking with the blonde in Uggs as her face twisted into disgust and his face dropped into an unbelieving open mouth smile and chuckle. 

Seeing the three faces that were clearly the three who had voted against, he categorized them as definitely homophobic, and to not be casted in His Play.

“Thank you professor. So, when do we start?”

* * *

Very rarely was Zuko ever in the quad by himself. He left early and came home late. It was just his schedule. He’d been working part time at The Jasmine Dragon for the first two years of his college career. A part time job and school at the same time was manageable, especially since Uncle made him do homework when there were no customers (which was for the last two hours of being open). Now that Uncle didn’t expect him every day, he usually spent that time in the library. He didn’t really know what to do, having downtime at home. 

And even if he was home he was in his room. Studying. 

Not today. He’d run into Aang coming out when Zuko was coming home, and they’d had a short conversation in the doorway, but then Zuko was left in the empty quad. He had to start figuring out how to direct a whole play, but he had a few minutes. He unlocked his phone and tapped on Uncle’s contact. 

Uncle picked up before the first ring ended. “Zuko! It’s such a blessing to hear from you.” Zuko hung his head, but couldn’t resist smiling at how genuine Uncle was. Zuko turned on the stove and placed the kettle on to boil. 

“Hi Uncle, sorry I haven’t come down in a while-” Zuko rubbed the back of his neck while he paced in the kitchen. 

“It is not a worry for me. I know how to find you if I get worried about you,” Uncle let out a boisterous laugh. 

“Is this a good time? I can call back later if you have customers.”

“It is never a bad time for you, Zuko.” Zuko grumbled a little, but accepted the love. “What are you up to right now?” Through the phone came a scraping noise, like a chair being pulled out.

“I’m making some tea, I was going to sit down with my play for a while. You’ll never guess what happened today Uncle! I’m going to direct a play this semester. How crazy is that?” 

“Oh Zuko, I am so proud of you!” There would be lots of hugging if they were having this conversation face to face, so maybe, actually, Zuko preferred the distance they had. “We should celebrate! You should come spend the weekend with me and we can go down to-”

“Uncle…” Zuko felt bad for interrupting him, “I don’t think I’m up to go out this weekend.” He could hear Uncle's face just fall. “But I would love to come over, and we can just stay in?” Zuko still hated being out in public, he was still getting used to sitting in classes and having other people look at him. He couldn’t bear the thought of being in the city. Uncle’s laugh of relief was like a balm on the soul, easing tension Zuko didn’t even know he was holding in his body. 

“Ohoho, yes I would love to spend some time with you, doing whatever you’d like.”

“I’d like that too Uncle.” 

“Will you do something for me, Zuko?” Uncle asked suddenly, a tad too seriously for Zuko’s comfort. His anxiety spiked again, the tension returning. 

“Of course I will, what is it?”

“Please take some of this afternoon off for you. I feel that you have been working so hard, why don’t you just let yourself have an hour for whatever you want to do, then you can go back to what you are doing?” The kettle began to scream behind Zuko, and it made him jump. 

“Uh,” Zuko took the kettle off the heat, “uh, yeah, alright.” Zuko couldn’t find a reason for this request to be unreasonable. Just an hour? He could do nothing for an hour. 

“Thank you, my son,” The ring of the door bell could be heard through the phone. 

“Okay Uncle, I have to go get started on doing nothing, and it sounds like you have a customer, so I’m gonna let you go.”

“I will see you in just a few days then!” Uncle sounded like he was made of pure love. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Bye, Uncle.” Zuko hung up the phone, moving to pour his tea. 

He was alone again. It wasn’t a bad thing, not in the slightest. Zuko preferred to be alone most days. Loneliness and aloneness was safe. He was safe. 

Zuko thought about doing a lot of things. He thought about doing some yoga, thought about getting stupid high and eating a pound of miscellaneous snacks, but ultimately, Zuko decided he was  _ tired. _ The kind of tiredness that he knew wouldn’t be fixed by any amount of sleep; a tiredness that sunk into his soul and froze him from the inside out. One that he felt in the pit of his stomach as he fell asleep and in his eye sockets as he awoke. 

Zuko sank into the pit, placing his tea beside his head. He looked toward his bedroom, the door shut. He could just go take a nap in his own bed, but goddamn if the pillows in the pit weren’t some of the most comfortable he’d ever laid on. 

Sleeping in the pit was becoming more and more frequent for him. It wasn't because he  _ liked  _ sleeping out in the open like that, but there was a certain level of comfort that came from knowing he was one open door away from his roommates. You know, for Aang's piece of mind. 

Zuko wouldn't let someone suffer like that if he knew he could do something about it.

(Zuko'd suffered a lot. So much of it was in silence. He knew what it was like. Knew that at some point it would get to be too much, if it hadn't already. Zuko couldn't go back and save himself, so he'd fight like hell for this small boy who had so much hope despite everything he'd been through. Zuko wished he had that kind of hope.)

Zuko was just slipping into a half-sleep when the door opened. His body jerked like he’d been electrocuted, sitting up before he was even fully aware of his body moving. 

“Relax, just me.” Suki shed her shoes at the door and flung her bag onto the table. “Naptime? I could nap.” Before Zuko could even make words form in his sleepy brain, Suki plopped into the pit next to him and snuggled up close. 

“Wh-” Regardless of his questions, Zuko forced himself to relax and put his arm around her shoulders. “Are you okay?” He squeezed her in a side hug. 

“Bad anniversary day.” Suki rested her head on his chest, trying to focus on the rhythm of his heartbeat rather than her racing thoughts. “Anyone else here?” Zuko shook his head. 

“Nah, just me.” 

“You like being alone?” Suki looked up at him. 

“Uh- yeah I guess.” He shrugged. “Do you?” He met her eyes, they were full of a pain he could recognize; the pain of losing something. 

“No.” Suki looked back down and sighed. 

They were quiet for a while. So long that in any other circumstance, Zuko would have fallen asleep. Instead he stayed up and alert, rubbing small circles into the shoulder. Waiting for the inevitable (or what he thought would have been inevitable) breakdown. 

It never came. 

“Why do you like to be alone?” Suki broke the silence, a slight waver in her voice. Zuko cleared his throat. 

“I-” he rubbed his face with his free hand. Was he really gonna get into it?

He was. 

“I’ve always been safer alone. I didn’t really grow up in a safe environment.” Suki nodded. 

“No siblings?” Zuko’s body shook with his chuckle. 

“I have a younger sister. She was… very lucky growing up.” 

“I was luckier one.” Suki said softly. “Still not lucky, but luckier.” 

They lapsed back into a quick silence. It seemed as though silence was both of their defaults, which was what separated them from the rest of the group. Sure, they could be outspoken, and loud, and downright obnoxious in their own rights when warranted, but they both had that deep hole that begged for silence. A hole that Suki had a head start in starting to fill up; finding love, finding a family, finding herself and acting on that self. Zuko’s hole continued, it seemed, to dig itself deeper and deeper; with every phone call, every sleepless night, every time a lawyer told him the truth. 

Maybe if he’d just fling himself down that hole he’d stop waking up. 

“You know…” Zuko held onto Suki as he shifted to lay further into the pit, “If you came here to talk to someone, I’ve got at least one working ear.” The joke was self deprecating at best, but Suki’s laugh made him smile. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Suki said a little louder than necessary, building on the joke. It did make Zuko laugh, which in turn made Suki more at ease. 

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t into hearing about it.” Suki nodded, rolling over to lay on her back and stare at the ceiling. She trapped Zuko’s arm in the process, but he didn’t really mind. 

“Sora - my twin - went missing thirteen years ago. Our parents gave up looking for him after a year, when the NPA declared the case closed.” She looked over to Zuko, stone faced. “I haven’t given up. I know he’s alive.”

“How-”

“It’s a twin thing.” Suki looked back to the ceiling. “He  _ has _ to be alive…” She sighed, closing her eyes. Zuko was silent for a minute, looking up at the ceiling with her. 

“My sister’s in jail, for what it’s worth.” He shrugged. 

“I call that missing too.” Suki looked at him again, the smallest of smiles on her painted red lips. “You and I aren’t so different, huh?” 

“I guess not.” Zuko wiggled his trapped arm out from under Suki, but as he took it back Suki grasped his hand and held it. 

“Will we heal?” Suki clutched Zuko’s hand like it was the only thing that tethered her to this world. Zuko looked into her eyes for a minute, mirroring her sadness. He really thought that he might never heal, how do you heal from the abuse from the only people who were supposed to love you? How do you live with the fact that no one protected the small child you once were? How do you come to terms with the person the abuse made you, the hard, hollow, dead person you truly were?

“Yeah, I mean, we gotta, right? There's…” Zuko closed his eyes, taking a breath. “There’s nowhere else for us to go.” Suki squeezed his hand, making him open his eyes and look at her. 

“Nowhere? Do you really think that? You never think that this might be all there is?” Zuko knew the pain in her eyes well. Knew what it was like to have to pass each year with someone missing from his life. He squeezed her hand back. 

“Yeah, I do sometimes. But I- we fought so hard to get where we are, right?” Suki nodded. “Why would we have done that if there was nothing else but suffering?” 

The rest of their time in the pit was quiet; hand in hand reflection on life’s misfortunes. They were so young, filled with so much hurt and brokenness. It wasn’t fair; being so broken so young. The world should have protected them. Instead they bore the weight of the world on their shoulders, in their psyches. 

But the world’s never actually fair, is it?

* * *

**[5:36pm; Sokka] hey dude wanna meet me and Aang downtown?**

**[5:36pm; Sokka] we were thinking we’d window shop for the afternoon**

Zuko smiled down at his phone, grateful for the reprise from trying to understand how directing works. On the surface he figured he could do it; get nineteen people to learn their lines, build a set, put on a play. But then he thought about how many people that was. And how he’d need at least a stage manager to help him plan the set, and then how long would it take? What kind of timeline should he put them on? 

**[5:38pm; Me] sounds chill, where will yall be in 15?**

His actors were a whole separate entity. He’d have to have auditions, call backs if needed. The scripts had to come in, he needed to think about costuming and how they would get the props-

Zuko shoved his feet into shoes, shaking the theatre off his shoulders. They were going to have a little time off. He wondered, with the click of the lock, how Aang had convinced Sokka to take some time off. It seemed like Sokka worked hard, from the outside. Maybe staying home more often wouldn’t be this huge terrible thing. It’d also be way more comfortable.

Zuko was out the door and halfway through a smoke when Sokka finally texted him back.  _ They’d probably still be getting coffee  _ he’d said. Which meant they were totally at the Dunkin’ on Main Street. Every student just getting out of their late classes was there, ready to be up late doing whatever it is other students do. He made a sharp left turn, traipsing through backyards and empty parking lots to get to Main Street. 

With little attention to the current traffic, Zuko stepped out into the road. A car came screaming to a stop, and Zuko paid it little mind. He wasn’t usually tuned into the world around him. He started tuning out around the time mother le-

“Hey! Great timing!” Aang burst out of the coffee shop, two hot cups in hand. Sokka lumbered out behind him, sipping on an iced coffee. 

“Dude it’s like, sixty degrees and you’re still drinking iced coffee?” Zuko took his hot tea from Aang and sipped it. 

“Hold your surprise for when there’s three feet of snow on the ground and I’m still attached to my iced coffee.” Sokka shrugged, steering them down the road, toward the only stoplight in town. 

“Well you should see me in southern California in the summer with my hot tea on the balcony.” Sokka and Aang shared a look that Zuko couldn't place. “Something wrong?”

“Zuko, living in California and having a balcony isn’t exactly the human experience.” Aang’s laugh bubbled up in little spurts, making it hard to speak and not stutter. 

“Oh I know,” Zuko laughed, shaking his head. “My dad’s like, super rich.” Sokka choked on his sip of coffee, thankfully they hadn’t ducked into the thrift store just yet. 

“You come from  _ money? _ Why aren’t you like, at Harvard?” Sokka held the door open, like a gentleman does. 

“Yeah, I would go wherever I want with that kind of money. And I’ve already been everywhere.” Aang made a beeline for the hat racks; his and Sokka’s favorite corner of the thrift store. 

“My dad hates that I go to a public university. It was this big huge thing for me, my second big fuck you to him.” Sokka put on a huge straw hat with a pretty green bow on it. 

“Why, what ever could make you do that?” Sokka’s southern accent was very, very bad. 

“Oh my dads an abusive cunt, he deserves it.” Sokka let out a stunned, nervous laugh as Aang stole the big hat from Sokka.

“Well I do declare!” Somehow, Aang’s southern accent was even worse than Sokka’s. Then Aang placed the hat on Zuko’s head. “Your turn.” He whispered. 

Sokka perused the hat racks while Zuko floundered, trying to find something to say. 

“Is this what you guys do?” Zuko finally just took off the hat and placed it back on the rack. 

“Yeah, it’s something we started doing last year. It’s just…”Sokka picked up a hat that looked like a cat, with long ear flaps that ended in hand pockets. “Okay but what if I bought this and wore it everyday?” Obviously, Sokka was kidding. 

But he also couldn’t resist a good dare. 

Before Aang could say anything, Zuko grabbed one of the ear flaps and pulled it right off Sokka’s head. He put on the hat and stuffed his hands in the pockets. He looked down and smiled stupidly to himself, not believing what he was about to do.  _ You’re so stupid oh spirits please please  _ **_please_ ** _ don’t do this.  _ How badly he was about to embarrass himself. He looked up and brought his hands up near his face. He met Aang and Sokka’s eyes, failing to keep a straight face. 

“Nyan,” said while curling his hands like little paws. The air was still for what felt like an eternity, before chaos broke out. Aang doubled over in hysterical laughter, the kind of laughter that required frequent, wheezing breaths. Sokka was spinning in circles, hands on his head in disbelief, a very long “yooooo” the only thing he was able to say. 

_ Oh thank the spirits it landed _ Zuko joined in on the laughter. Aang’s laughter took over his body, and he ended up kneeling on the ground and resting on his feet, covering his face with his hands. Sokka was able to stop turning in circles and instead grabbed onto Zuko’s arm, shaking him like a ragdoll. 

Zuko, decidedly, did not mind  _ at all _ . An impressive show of strength. 

“Duuude, you win we can’t play this game anymore you  _ won.”  _ Sokka couldn’t believe it. Zuko had truly killed them, one hit. 

“You’re so…”  _ wheeze  _ “Zuko you can’t…”  _ laughter _ “How could you do this to me?” Aang tried so very hard to get his sentences out through his laughter. 

“I’m  _ so _ sorry I’ve committed a crime against you.” Zuko rolled his eyes, laughter betraying his sarcasm. 

They left the thrift store, still snickering, but able to move around at least. Zuko’s tea had grown cold, but he sipped it regardless. Aang had decided he’d already had enough of being out, having laughed himself nearly into a coma. What was left to do that would top that?

Nothing, that’s what. 

Aang took the lead down the street, the two older boys taking up the rear on the skinny sidewalk. Aang was going on and on about his art project, growing more exasperated the more he went into detail. 

“Have you guys ever tried to construct a person size dome out of  _ cardboard _ before? What a joke…” Zuko walked with his head down, staring at the sidewalk in front of him. He always did, he was a clumsy child. Sokka chuckled at Aang, always so passionate about whatever he was talking about. Aang could be talking about sock materials and take a very firm stance on how itchy wool was and how he would  _ never  _ wear wool even if his life depended on it. 

(He did have that literal stance. But every time it snowed he complained about his feet being cold.)

Sokka walked with his hands by his sides, coffee in his outside hand. He wore little more than a sweater, even though the weather was turning toward coldness. “You know, he talks like this often. Just a heads up.” Zuko looked up at Sokka, who was looking in the opposite direction while he spoke. 

“Thanks for the heads up.” He said back. Aang was waving his hands around and shouting from his soapbox, paying little attention to the world around him. 

Zuko’s hand left his pocket to steer Aang out of the way of a fire hydrant, pulling on Aang’s shirt. 

“Thanks Zuko. So  _ then  _ I thought about crushing the cardboard to get it to shape, but the integrity of crushed cardboard is shit and if I gotta sit inside this thing it better not collapse in on me! So…” Aang missed no moment, diving right back into the inner workings of  _ cardboard _ , of all things. 

As he went to shove his hand back in his pocket, his and Sokka’s hands brushed for the briefest of moments. Zuko was quick to stuff his hand in his jacket pocket, covering up the shiver that travelled his spine. Sokka’s hand seemed to seek Zuko’s, but was also hastily shoved in his jeans pocket. Zuko stole a glance at Sokka, seeing his eyes trained straight ahead. 

Sokka was very anti-acknowledge-any-feeling-unfamiliar-to-him. He didn’t think about how hard his heart beat , feeling something adjacent to longing (longing was pretty on the nose, but Sokka didn’t want to actually  _ feel _ that feeling right now). He avoided acknowledging the way his hand twitched, reacting without thought to the brief graze of Zuko’s hand. Avoided putting a name to the feeling of his lungs tightening just enough to make himself aware of his own breathing. 

His hand was hot in his pocket, but Sokka dealt with it for the walk home. He instead focused on Aang’s intense rant about how he was running out of fresh cardboard, and his options to either buy his own or start dumpster diving. 

“It’s very artist to dumpster dive.” Zuko pipped in, startling Sokka. Which didn’t make sense, of course Zuko would  _ also _ be listening to Aang. “I took an art class last fall semester and nearly all of my materials that semester were reclaimed by yours truly.” 

“Grooossss!” Aang snorted.

“Did you make anything cool?” Sokka asked softly, like he almost didn’t want to ask the question but it slipped out regardless. Zuko was quiet for a moment, thinking about that semester. Had he created anything “cool”?

“Well, a partner and myself built a whole front porch right in the art gallery space. Most of that was salvaged and dumpster grabs.” 

“Even the wood?!” Aang gasped, suddenly grasping the lesson Zuko was (inadvertently) teaching him. 

“Hell yeah, you’d be surprised how much scrap wood and roofing supplies people are trying to get rid of before it snows.” They were coming up on their dorm building, and Aang whipped his keycard out of his pocket. 

“It was actually amazing. I remember seeing that, I went to the art opening for that show for extra credit in my English course.” Sokka nodded, once more holding the door open for the other two guys. 

“I was actually late to the opening, couldn’t talk about the piece with a lot of people. It was disappointing.” Zuko shrugged. “Sometimes talking about your piece is way more cathartic than creating said art.” He pressed the elevator button, turning to face the small group. 

“Really? I never wanna talk about it, it feels defensive to me.” Aang’s brow furrowed.

“That’s cause you’re supposed to be defending it. Not everyone is going to get it, but you gotta try every time.” The elevator ride was quiet with contemplation. Zuko reflected on how they never spoke in the elevator. Then noted the lack of music was criminal. 

Zuko unlocked their door, and went straight for the kettle, filling it with enough for three. Aang hopped his way over to the pit, crashing down and immediately cocooning in a blanket. 

“Oh, hey, that reminds me,” Sokka nodded toward Aang. “Uh, the other night…” Sokka trailed off and Zuko turned around real quick so he wouldn’t have to face Sokka for the question he knew was coming but hoped wouldn’t. “What the hell were y’all doing in the pit?” Aang wormed his way to the other end of the pit, closer to Sokka. 

“Oh yeah, so-”

“Hold up,” Zuko held out a hand behind him, signaling Aang to stop talking. He took the whistling kettle off the heat and turned around, leaning on the counter. “We can have this conversation, I guess.” Zuko folded his arms across his chest. 

“But?” Sokka nudged. 

“I’m gonna have to be super high for this man.” Zuko cleared his throat. Sokka looked at Aang, who was trying very hard to wiggle out of his snug cocoon. 

“Yeah alright, you sharing?” Sokka shot back, expecting an answer he wasn’t going to get. 

“What makes you think I wasn’t going to?” Zuko pushed himself off the counter and headed for his room. Aang, excitable as he was, bounced in the pit in anticipation while Sokka, stunned once more today by this enigma of a guy, settled down next to him. 

Zuko emerged with a backwoods and a lighter. “I guarantee you aren’t ready for this.”

“You’re right I’m not.”

“Bring it on.” Aang and Sokka spoke at the same time. 

Zuko smirked, and brought the blunt to his lips and lit it. “Great.” Said around a cloud of smoke. “What was your first question?”


	7. Cast Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sokka hopped up into Mai’s rusty red pickup, followed by Aang which officially crowded the bench seat and was very illegal. 
> 
> “Thanks for letting us crash your Friday night.” Zuko hugged Mai, which wasn’t very hard considering they were packed in like sardines. 
> 
> “Hey, I’ll gladly give up partying tonight to fuck shit up with you tomorrow. You guys good on booze money?” Mai kicked the truck into gear and, with a sputter, they were off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... is a behemouth. It's 11k+ and clocks in on Docs at 22 fucking pages okay? you've been warned. If you are supposed to be asleep, please, for my sanity, don't start reading it.  
> TW for underage drinking and disappointed parents (idk i get weird reading that shit)  
> I'm sorry if the formatting is weird, im without a laptop and wrote this almost exclusively and posted it from mobile, please bear with me.

“Aang, just breathe.” Zuko held a cup of water in one hand, the other covering his smile and choking back his laughter. Sokka was absolutely no help at all, laughter only stopping when the blunt was passed to him. 

“Easy-” _cough_ “easy for you to say.” He snatched the water out of Zuko’s shaking hand. 

“Not my fault you said ‘go big or go home, but I’m already home!’.” Zuko took the blunt - barely gone - from Sokka. He parked it in the corner of his mouth as a safety measure. 

“Dude is it my turn again _already?_ ” Aang coughed a few more times, his episode nearly over. 

“If we’re counting,” Sokka sat back up from his turtle laughing position, “it was your turn about four times now.”

“What?!” Aang gasped. 

“The blunt stops for no man.” Zuko shrugged. “Them’s the rules. You good?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna take another suicide hit?” Sokka eyed the blunt, still hanging from Zuko’s mouth, and was _jealous of the damn blunt_. No, he wasn’t, he was jealous that Zuko had it. 

(No, he was right the first time. The blunt touched Zuko’s lips in a way that Sokka would never - because he wasn’t like _that_ . Not to mention the fact that they were roommates. It wasn’t Sokka’s fault that Zuko’s lips were always looking soft, always the shade of pink that he blushed. A very pretty blush - objectively speaking. That Sokka had seen too many times. A blush he hates to see, and hates the fact that _he hates it._ )

Aang hung his head. “No..”

“Good.” Zuko took his hits and passed it back to Aang.

Aang continued to struggle with the blunt, but as life is, the more he did it the easier it became. It wasn’t like this was his first time smoking, but he was used to smoking dirt weed out of a mountain dew can in the woods behind his house senior year of highschool. Whatever kind of organically, professionally grown weed Zuko had was absolutely wrecking him. He didn’t mind, at least they knew what kind it was, rather than an eighth of mystery weed.

Zuko’s laughter pulled Aang out of the trance he didn’t know he was in. 

“Oh that ain’t it chief,” Zuko shook his head, then had the _audacity_ to pass Aang the blunt again. 

“Hmm? What?” Aang looked between them, wanting to get caught up. 

“Welcome back to the land of the living- want the last hit?” Sokka held out the stub to Zuko. “I was wondering what the _fuck_ you guys were doing out here the other night.”

Something in Zuko’s chest seized as he took the stub from Sokka’s hand. There was something so…. something (was it intimacy? or maybe respect? or even something that came from a place of pure politeness) about being offered the last hit, even if it was your own weed. If you get the first hit you are not entitled to the last. 

Aang laughed, a little nervously for a moment. “Oh yeah, no we were just sleeping. Zuko was… getting some water and I was out here cause I had another nightmare, so he was sitting with me for a minute but then we fell asleep.” Aang took that boulder off Zuko’s chest. It was… actually more believable than what had actually happened. 

That was a _huge_ relief. “Oh good, I mean that’s what I thought but you know I just… wanted to… ask...” The awkwardness he felt seeped into the room, as they all looked at each other. “Did it uh… help?” Sokka definitely was not pro-sleeping like dogs (he wasn’t anti-sleeping like dogs either though… he didn’t know what he felt.), but he was also _very_ anti-nightmares. 

Sokka had suddenly noticed - thanks Zuko - the weather was turning colder. Sokka tried to ignore the nightmares at first, as they usually do come with the leaves changing. If he ignored the passage of time, he wouldn’t get the nightmares again. He wouldn’t realize that he’d made it a year without her, and wouldn’t have to come to terms with the fact that he had _the rest of his life_ to go.

Time’s arrow doesn’t stop, and doesn’t slow. It simply marches forward, carrying them all away from what they’d once loved, who they used to be. Sokka could either get on board, or drown. 

He was _trying_ to get on board. But he didn’t have a life saver, and it felt like everytime the moonlight streamed through his window at night he slipped just a little further under the water. Pushed down and away from that same moon that used to give him so much _comfort_. 

Now she just hangs in the sky as a reminder. How cruel.

“Yeah, I mean I didn’t have _good_ dreams, I just had no dreams.” Aang patted Sokka on the hand, ripping Sokka’s eyes away from the window. “You could join us if you’d like.” Aang smiled at Sokka and didn’t notice the light shade of pink Zuko was breaking out in. 

“You’d do it again?” Sokka looked to Zuko, knowing that while he could - and has - slept in close quarters with Aang, Zuko was an outlier. 

“Uh, I mean yeah, I prefer a black sleep to a nightmare anyday.” Zuko cleared his throat and smirked at Sokka. “What, are you too manly to sleep in a pile?” Sokka scoffed and looked away, filing the feeling that Zuko smirking gave him into the file labeled “i dunno sound”. 

(That file had almost every feeling _Zuko_ made him feel, and he wondered should he just rename the file? Probably not, then _Zuko_ would have a file in his mind that wasn’t a subcategory of “Friends”, and what did that mean? Was he envious? Piteous? The feelings in the folder wouldn’t come to a cohesive feeling, just a jumble of half-truths, sad eyes, and electricity. What the _fuck_ kinds of feelings are those?)

(Deep down he _knew_ those feelings. He kept that folder well out of reach of his own knowledge.)

“Please, I am very familiar with sleeping in groups.” Sokka rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to continue to defend himself, but just then the doorknob turned and the girls busted in real quick.

“Shit!” Aang jumped and turned to see who it was. 

“Chill it’s-”

“Close the door, close the door, _close the dooor._ ” Aang spoke over Katara, earning himself a smack to the back of the head from Sokka. 

“Dude, shut up, we’ll be fine.”

“A party!” Toph scoffed, unclipping Appa’s leash from his harness, letting him run free. “We go out, _send multiple texts_ to which there were no responses,” Toph set her backpack down, “assuming y’all are either dead or _dying_ ,” at this point the girls were giggling, Suki holding out her hand for Tophs jacket “and we come home to a party in which we were not _invited?_ Oh, how I am hurt by you guys.”

“You’re more than welcome to play catch up.” Sokka suggested, “As if Suki isn’t carrying as we speak.” Katara busied herself in the kitchen, beginning the too-high-to-function preparations. Suki scoffed, but lowered herself into the pit. 

“How could you say something so true, yet so brave?” Suki pulled on the neckline of her shirt, digging around in her bra to pull out a small Altoid tin. 

“Where the hell were you hiding that?” Zuko had to do a double take. He shouldn’t be surprised about what someone with tits could hide in their shirts; one time Mai managed to slip in a handful of knives (what? they’re personal protective items) into a music festival, and Azula had smuggled an entire handle of vodka into the very same festival. It astounded him every time. 

“Ah-ah-ah, a woman _never_ reveals her secrets.” Suki tapped his nose in time with her chiding, and Zuko swatted her hand away with a smile. 

_RageRageRage Fucking Rage!_ Sokka had to physically calm himself down, snatching the Altoid tin from Suki’s lap to dump out the two joints and tiny neon green lighter. Where the hell was this anger coming from? He _wanted_ Zuko to be getting along with his friends, because he wanted to _see him more_. 

Purely from a friendship standpoint. 

It must have been the leftover feelings he had for Suki that were making his blood boil. He knew he wasn’t quite over her, no matter how little time they’d had, it was still real. They weren’t kids playing on the monkey bars in the school yard; they were adults, with pasts, and futures, who thought that they could stand the test of time. 

They couldn’t. And then he’d lost her, just like he lost Yue. (Well. Not _quite_ like he’d lost Yue. No ending will ever be as final as losing his moon.)

 _Maybe I’m just destined to live forever alone, surrounded by my friends who are going to go save people and I’ll just be stuck here. Alone. Forever._ “Can I?” is what Sokka decided to say. 

“Of course, you know you can.” Suki smiled warmly to Sokka, like a balm on the soul. She always was, and perhaps always would be, a balm to his achy soul. Sokka revelled in that first hit, holding it a minute longer than he usually would, before handing that joint to Toph (who was across the pit from him), and lighting the second one.

“Are you trying to kill us?” Katara finally came from the kitchen with two gallons of water, a two litre of soda, and enough snacks to feed a large horse. 

“Aang already died enough for all of us tonight.” And with that, there were two joints, and six people. 

“What if-” The group had gotten _comfortable_ , the pit a mess of limbs and fur. Toph had somehow come into possession of both the joints, hitting them at the same time before sending them in opposite directions. “What if there was a device that would let us understand Appa!” She sat up, her arms wide. “What secrets does he know!” The laughter that erupted was pure and genuine. “I bet all he’d talk about was how much he loves to suffocate me every night. Probably sick of carting around a blind girl.”

“I’ve spent many hours staring deeply into Appa’s eyes,” Aang didn’t lift his head to speak, but his hands waved above his face, “And I think he holds the secret to world peace. What is it, boy? You gotta-” _oh my god we’re still smoking?_ Aang took the hit that he was given, “Gotta tell me boy!”

“I don’t think he’d be much of a talker,” Katara _thought_ she was being sneaky, snuggling just a little closer to Aang everytime he passed to her. She was fooling no one and everyone was on board. “He’d only like, speak when he has something _profound._ ” Katara’s eyes went wide and she spoke around an awed smile. “Something like… oh how does that one go….” Her eyes searched the ceiling, as if the popcorn texture held the secrets. “If you look for the light, you can always find it, but…. something… about…” Katara huffed and gave up, passing right to Suki. “I dunno. Something about darkness.”

“If you look for darkness that’s all you’ll ever find.” Zuko finished for her, with a smile. “That ones one of Uncles favorites.” 

“Leave it up to sugar queen to take the joke elsewhere.”

“There are still three people who haven’t weighed in yet!” Suki snatched the blunt, taking an impossibly big hit. “Listen, Katara’s right, Appa’s not much of a talker.” Suki laid back down into the pit, hands behind her head. “But he only speaks when he’s thought of something _profoundly stupid.”_

The uproarious laughter was loud enough to sick an RA against them, if they lived in a normal dorm with dozens of other people on the floor. They didn’t even know if their only neighbors were home, let alone able to hear their loudness. 

“I think I’ve got our stupidity under wraps, thank you.” Sokka chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re all wrong, this behemoth of a dog is _always talking about snacks.”_ Sokka deepened his voice to imitate what he thought Appa would sound like. “Oh, I’m Appa, and I just like snacks. Snacks all the time, lemme get those pork chops on the table.” He petered out into a laugh, holding the joint out to Zuko, not realizing that he wasn’t paying attention. 

Zuko, of course, was fumbling with a bag of hot chips. 

“Hey dude, the blunt’s yours.” Sokka used his toes to tap on Zuko’s shoulder (at some point, Zuko found it easier to lay his head _practically in Sokka’s lap_ , which was really just his head coming up to mid shin but it made Sokka freak out, then file that feeling away in the Not Zuko Folder).

“Noooo, dude you have to wait for my chips.” Zuko continued to struggle, and spirits did the Doritos company start supergluing these shut?

“The blunt waits for no man.” Sokka smirked down to him. 

“Fine then just give me my hit,” Zuko tilted his head up, lips parted slightly, _still fucking with his chips._ Sokka’s body moved before his brain did - and he could feel the brick wall his inner monologue had hit. He gingerly held the blunt to Zuko’s lips, trying (and failing) to not stare at the way Zuko’s lips puckered around the blunt, and how he was right - Zuko had the softest lips he thought he’d ever had the absolute pleasure to touch. 

Well. It was just a friendly guy’s-bein’-bros moment. Just a favor. (That rattled his folder, nearly full to burst all of a sudden. The file glowed golden, suddenly burning too bright to comfortably look at. Sokka decided that he’d leave it to overflow and deal with the mess later.)

“Thanks.” Zuko’s smile was lopsided, but extremely endearing. He blew his smoke in Sokka's face. “Honestly, with the way you’re all always doting on Appa, he wouldn’t need to say anything. You all seem to understand him well enough.” Finally, with a loud pop, the chip bag ripped right down the middle, flinging a family size bags worth of Sweet and Spicy Chili Doritos all over Zuko and the immediate area. 

If they were sober, or even just half as high as they were, the general consensus would have been one of frustration that now they’d have to either clean up or be uncomfortable. 

But they were very high, and the flying chips were _hilarious._ They all moved at once, some to dodge and some to grab handfuls of chips and throw them. Appa got up _so quick_ and went to sleep - _peacefully_ \- in Aang and Sokka’s room. 

Zuko got out of the way at first, spectating for a ghost moment. His confusion was pure, wondering how they all could have possibly had the same thought, even himself. He felt crumbs hitting his head, and snapped out of it to see Sokka crushing two handfuls of chips right onto his head. 

“Hey!” Zuko couldn’t help but laugh, and lunged forward to grab more chips and join the chaos. 

* * *

The quad was quiet. Not the silent quiet Sokka usually encountered this late in the night. (Or early in the morning, if you were _like that._ ) Instead, he was greeted with the sound of five people and a dog sleeping in his living room. 

They’d cleaned up their chip mess, and by the time they were done with that it was so late that Katara decided to stay. Her decision was the first domino in the series of now everyone was staying over. 

Sokka meant what he’d said to Zuko earlier that day. The gang slept in piles frequently - camping, day trips to the city where they lied about how many people were staying in the hotel room, and sometimes it was just too late for them to go home. They hadn’t all lived in the same building last year, and Sokka wasn’t about to let his sister trek the fifteen minutes across campus at one in the morning. 

He’d slipped out of the pit, very careful to not disturb anyone. Slipping back in would probably be difficult, but with the way Appa was twitching and Toph’s snoring, he figured they’d all just shift to accommodate him. 

He was slow to finish his drink. Katara did her best, really. She’d loaded them up with drinks and snacks but it still, somehow, wasn’t enough to last into the night, and the stoner four a.m. dry mouth is _not_ something to mess with. 

Mind blank, Sokka went through the motions of scrolling social media on his phone. He tore his eye away from whatever cooking video he was watching to check the time. That’s when he noticed a text from his dad.

**[10:37pm; Pops] Bato and I are going to go away for the long weekend. Water the plants?**

Sokka raised an eyebrow in confusion, then both in recognition. 

Then. Then Sokka smiled, a small devilish smile. _When will we ever again have an opportunity such as this?_

He quickly sent a text back, confirming that he and Katara would take good care of the house, disregarding that the time was currently 4:02. Suddenly he had to get back to sleep, so it could be sunrise already and he could spring on everyone that they were going to plan a party in 24 hours. 

College kids love partying in professor's houses. If the word got out like he hoped it would, they’d be packed and the gang would throw a party for the books. 

Sokka wiggled back into the hole he’d escaped from - the fact that not a single person had moved was proof enough that everyone was dead asleep. Burying his legs under the mess of limbs in front of him, Sokka laid back, careful not to lay right on Zuko’s (very, very pretty) long hair. (The golden leaked into his train of thought, demanding to be felt. Sokka mopped up the mess and threw the rags out the window.)

Relieved that he’d managed to settle in without waking anyone, Sokka closed his eyes and began to drift off. His insomnia seemed to only hold him while he was going from daytime to nighttime - getting up to pee was never an issue for him, he’d just fall right back asleep. 

His sleepy mind was not roused when he felt a body roll into his. Instead, autopilot turned on and he put an arm around the figure. The scent of jasmine and coconut lead him into sleep. 

* * *

Sokka hadn’t been expecting the enthusiastic consensus that _yes we should have a party_. What was even more surprising was Katara’s initiative to preserve their dad’s things. 

“We _have_ to get that stupid couch out of there.” with a disapproving shake of her head. Sokka knew the exact one. 

“That couch is gorgeous shut up.” Sokka nearly cleared his schedule in preparation for the weekend, save for his dad’s courses. It’d be real suspicious if the literal day after entrusting your child with house-sitting he was suddenly absent from your class. 

Most everyone had gotten up early enough; they all lived in the same building, it wasn’t like they were doing the walk of shame at six in the morning. Plus, everyone already had their school stuff so for the most part everyone was _technically_ ready for school (so long as they saw different people Monday/Wednesday/Friday than they do Tuesday/Thursday). 

So, for the next few day’s Sokka’s entire attention span would be dedicated to pulling off planning a party in under 48 hours. 

“If it’s a couch we need to move, my ex drives a pickup.” Zuko had been a curve ball; his excitement and willingness to put most of his life on hold made Sokka do a double take, but was welcome help. 

He knew Zuko knew how to party. Now that he’d seen _himself_ in one of Zuko’s most treasured memories, his mind began to supply him with every time they’d crossed paths at a party. Most of those parties were crazy, even by Sokka’s standards. 

“Please don’t say it’s Jet.” Katara rolled her eyes. 

“It’s _not,_ but please tell me how you really feel about my taste in guys.” Zuko snapped back, exasperated with her already. Katara was… headstrong to say the least. And her toleration of Zuko had melted the night Jet came to pick him up. 

“A pickup would be great!” Sokka barrelled forward with the conversation at an attempt to diffuse whatever was getting their goats. 

“Great, I’ll get on that. You know, if we need more hands, I bet Mai would be more than happy to be more than just the truck-girl, and Ty Lee is an absolute powerhouse. She can decorate a two bedroom top to bottom in under four hours. It’s actually incredible.” Zuko spoke about his friends like they were goddesses, reverent beings whom he had the absolute pleasure in knowing. 

(Rattle.)

Sokka nodded, putting their names on his list of people to call if it comes down to it. Katara got up from the table, slightly less miffed about the inevitability of seeing Jet (Sokka knew that if there was a party Jet would find out about it and come. He’d cross that bridge later.)

“Thirsty?” Katara opened the fridge to find half a gallon of fruit punch and seven beers, each a different type. “Or not.” Katara shook her head. “For the guy who’s always eating I thought you’d have more in the fridge.”

“We eat at the dining hall more than we eat here, Katara. You get so weird about the dumbest shit.” Sokka sighed. “If my beers don’t please you, the tap runs.”

“Who’s about to start drinking at ten in the morning?” She ultimately grabbed the punch. Sokka and Zuko shared a look, both knowing if it were day of, they would _absolutely already be drinking_. 

“The problem is it’s a Thursday, who drinks at ten am on a _Thursday_?” Zuko shrugged. 

“I’m not completely sold on drinking water all day.” Sokka earned himself a chuckle from Zuko, a low rumbling that could have been covered up as a cough in another setting. 

(Sokka’s chest felt weird. Heavy and feather light at the same time. Like carbonated cement, impossible to imagine, but felt completely and spirits did it _hurt._ Not in the way falling out of a tree, rather in the heaviness of a fat cat might make your chest hurt - but was a very welcome and warm hurt. His I-Don’t-Know-But-It’s-Certainly-NOT-Feelings-About-Zuko file ate up this feeling like it was lost in the desert and the hand of God came down and bestowed upon it a cool glass of water. 

The golden glow, which had dimmed overnight, burned a little brighter. Sokka didn’t look at it.)

Katara hadn’t sat down with her juice, rather she noticed the time and chugged it over the sink. “Damn it I’m gonna be late to SI.”

“You’re really gonna go to SI today? Just skip.” Sokka suggested. 

“Easy for you to say, dad’s class doesn’t _have_ an SI. Wouldn’t it be easier if he did though?” Katara questioned, grabbing her bags, packing up to leave. Sokka didn’t answer, but did think about the question. Would it? Maybe so, but then he’d need _help_ in his _own fathers class_. Unacceptable. Sokka grunted and shrugged. 

“Ah, the trusty ol’ shrug-and-grunt. Thanks Sokka. See you later!” Katara was always coming and going in a rush; being busy meant you were winning at life, right? Being busy was the only way. Sokka felt the same way - a familial trait - but never went about it in quite the same manner Katara did. He was always a little slower than her, his wall to wall schedule having big blocks of one thing. Katara was always doing something different while Sokka seemed to panic about the same thing for hours on end. 

He was always exhausted, but it was nothing that shotgunning four red bulls couldn’t fix!

Right?

* * *

Zuko ended up late to his own damn auditions that afternoon. It was the last thing he had to do before he was off for his weekend and he was _late to it_. 

He busted into the auditorium like a frantic director - loose papers and cold-read packets practically falling out of his Director Binder. It was pristine, and the same shade of blue as the script was. Zuko was ecstatic that he’d just stumbled upon it at the local drug store. 

“Sorry, everyone, I’m actually the worst but you’ll come to know that.” The auditorium on campus was a little black box theatre, with a lot of promise for the special effects. That also meant that all he had to settle his stuff down on was a podium that didn’t actually belong in here but they’d comendered as the theatre department. 

He looked out into the seats, more people than he thought would come around, but still not quite a crowd. Clearing his throat, Zuko opened his binder and straightened out the papers. “First of all I want to thank you all for coming out, and expressing your interest in this semesters’ play.” He pulled out the four packets of cold reads along with the sign-in sheet that Teal - thankfully, maybe he’d dial back the pretentiousness a little - had left behind for him. 

“I’ve prepared packets of cold reads, so sorry if you came prepared with a monologue.” He wasn’t really, but it was easier to pretend than deal with the “mean director” trope. “First we’re just going to go down the sign in, so I can get to know you a little, and then I’ll pick and choose for different scenes. I’m not a masochist so I’m gonna give you each a chance to read through the passage two or three times so it’s not so cold.”

They began slow at first, most people stumbling over the fresh lines regardless of the pre-read. Once everyone got in the mood though, Zuko started to see personalities. He began to really be able to piece together a preliminary cast. 

Then he started to audition for the scene “They Fell”, and, well, _fell._ Through the auditions for the scene, he paired every guy with every other guy, switching rolls and absolutely not retaining a single thing. 

He kept thinking about waking up pressed against Sokka’s side, with Sokka’s arm protectively around him. 

“... and all I could think about was how not much in this world makes me feel good or makes much sense anymore and I got real scared… but then I kinda came out of bein’ sad, and actually felt okay, ‘cause there is one thing in this world that makes me feel really good and that does make sense, and that’s _you._ ” Greg Best, auditioning in the role of “Chad”, really sold the big reveal and made Zuko _feel things_ . Forced Zuko to think really hard about his life. What made him feel good? What made his heart skip, what made him feel accepted for all he had to give, even if it was just, well… _him._ All he had to offer right now was just his presence, but it was never an issue. 

Not much made him feel good nowadays, why couldn’t he run head-first for what did? 

“Alright, so with that I think I have a lot to think about. Thank you for coming out, you should expect a cast list or a callback sheet by mid next week. Rehearsals will start not next Monday, but the one after that. I’m looking forward to working with you all, and if you’d like to help out with tech please put your name on this list. Have a good day everyone.” With that Zuko fully checked out, head consumed with thoughts about _his fucking roommate_. 

He waited to leave until the theatre had emptied, snatching up the tech sign up sheet and heading out, meaning to head straight home. Instead, we wandered around campus for a while, deep in thought. Surely the snuggling didn’t actually _mean_ anything, it was a reaction to having Zuko so close to him. Sokka could definitely be the kinda guy who had been around the block at least once, but he _also_ wasn’t gay. Or, at least Zuko couldn’t pin him as really anything. 

Sure, sometimes, when Zuko’s eyes met Sokka’s, he could imagine a feeling behind them that almost resembled longing. Everytime, without fail, that feeling disappeared from his eyes and was replaced with a soft, confused hardness; a wall built purely of particle board and would take absolutely no effort to punch right through. 

Of course, Sokka could very well be straight, and Zuko was imagining everything, and Sokka’s eyes just sparkled whenever he saw his friends. 

That’s what they were after all, just friends. 

Just friends. 

* * *

Sokka hopped up into Mai’s rusty red pickup, followed by Aang which officially crowded the bench seat and was very illegal. 

“Thanks for letting us crash your Friday night.” Zuko hugged Mai, which wasn’t very hard considering they were packed in like sardines. 

“Hey, I’ll gladly give up partying tonight to fuck shit up with you tomorrow. You guys good on booze money?” Mai kicked the truck into gear and, with a sputter, they were off. 

“I’m not gonna tell you to not bring booze, but we have enough cash to throw a pretty good rager.” Zuko leaned his head on her shoulder, familiarity taking over. He loved taking rides with Mai like this, in the dead of night, pressed up against her when they were dating. He was so grateful that their break up hadn’t killed their relationship. 

“Pretty good? That’s not good enough for me. I have standards you know.” The smile in Mai’s voice shone bright. She wasn’t the monotone, very sad teenager she once was. She had friends, and independence, and was actually happy now. The car shook with their laughter. 

“Shit take this right,” Sokka suddenly spoke up, almost too late. 

Mai was quicker than him though. 

The hard turn shoved Zuko into Mai, and Sokka into Zuko. Sokka’s skin warmed against Zuko’s, like being gently dipped in parafin just hot enough to keep it a liquid. He didn’t have to think about that; Aang’s peel of laughter was shriller than his burning skin. 

“It’s the baby blue house on the corner there.” Mai pulled over and looked at the modest two story house. 

“It’s nice. They can afford this?” Mai unlocked the doors and bust out of the car, Zuko nearly tumbling out after her. 

“It was a long time coming, dad’s saved for years to buy it.” Sokka smiled, the year they were finally able to afford the down payment was a good year for their family. They spent the summer in the house, fixing everything that had rusted or had water damage from sitting empty for so long. 

Now it was their home. And he loved every corner. 

Inside looked like every other professors house; built in shelves filled with thick books and knick-knacks from everywhere they’d travelled. The biggest difference was all of their decor and regalia that was on display. 

“Okay, we need to clear out everything expensive and sacred, storing it all in the master. The master has multiple locks - my fault - so I’ll climb out the window after locking everything inside. Only problem is the couch.” The couch in question was a very nice burgundy crushed velvet chaise lounge, with furs draped over the end. 

“Why do your dad’s have such a statement piece?” Aang flopped onto the couch and absolutely melted into it. “Nevermind, I see the appeal.”

“So I figure I can help you guys get the couch out, then we can clear everything out and we’ll bring the couch back to ours?” Sokka questioned, while nodding. 

“Nah, Mai and I’ve got this. Aang, hold the door for us? Sokka, you can start clearing things out, I don’t wanna accidentally touch something I’m not allowed to touch.” Zuko understood the meaning of the word “sacred”, and gave Sokka that space to handle whatever he needed to with the amount of care it required. 

“Uh-” Before Sokka could even begin a protest, Mai and Zuko lifted the couch _like it was nothing_ and began their descent to the truck. 

(Zuko was _very_ strong. He didn’t look the part, but he walked the walk. The sight of the small show of power shook his These-Definitely-Aren’t-Feelings-Whatsoever file violently. Sokka turned off his ears.)

The clear out didn’t take as long as Sokka had imagined it would. Mai and Zuko really were expert partiers; they moved furniture to exactly where it would be safe while they worked, making their set up time tomorrow even easier. They took everything breakable and placed it on the king bed in the master, and everything that wasn’t ended up on the floor. 

Sokka locked himself in the room, turning toward the window. Without hesitation, he flung it open. He’d learned early in their visits to the house as minors that the master bedroom was the easiest to sneak out from; the front door porch overhang was directly below it, allowing for a smooth transition. Now that he was taller, he could even shut the window if he reached up hard enough. 

Mai was just finishing up the ratchet clips when Sokka came up on the truck. 

“We’ll take the back roads back to campus to make sure we don’t damage the cargo.” Mai climbed up into the driver’s seat and they were off. 

* * *

By the time three pm on Saturday rolled around, they had pretty much everything sorted out, decorated, and bought. They had enough alcohol to kill an elephant, and they were sure it’d all be gone by two in the morning. The gang collectively had received over 100 messages from people letting them know how excited they were to party. It overwhelmed everyone but Zuko, who had honestly expected more people to get in touch. 

Then again, almost every text they got was guaranteed to have at least a plus one. 

“This is gonna be so fucking awesome,” Zuko was nearly vibrating with excitement. He wanted nothing to do with being in a crowd; but a crowd of drunk people? That crowd he could vibe with. Zuko sat on the counter in the kitchen while Sokka paced around the kitchen island. “Will you please stop worrying?”

Sokka continued circling the kitchen. Zuko rolled his eyes. 

“Alright, fine, ask me the questions _again_.” Zuko folded his hands and stared at Sokka until they locked eyes. Sokka sighed, but relaxed just a hair. 

“When are we picking up the kegs?” Sokka scratched his scalp. 

“Seven thirty. It would be unusual for people to show up right at eight, but stranger things,” Zuko shrugged. 

“How many?”

“Five. Estimating about 200 to show, two kegs per hundo, one back up.”

“Master bedroom?”

“You locked it yesterday, checked it not even twenty minutes ago. Good to go.” Zuko moved his hands to sit on them, leaning forward a little. 

“The fucking _couch?_ ” Zuko laughed at Sokka’s exasperated tone. Sokka was exasperated with _himself_ , Zuko had answered these questions four times already today, and yet Sokka just couldn’t stop worrying about it, couldn’t stop trying to find holes in the plan. Like somehow he’s going to forget something and it will wind up fucking them. 

“The _fucking couch_ is safe at our place.”

“Is our place locked up?”

“Tighter security than The Pentagon.” Zuko meant that Appa was at their place, where Toph and Katara optimistically thought they would end up at the end of the night. 

“Ice? Cups?” Sokka covered his face with his hands, dragging them down in his panic. 

“Aang and Suki left a half hour ago for cups, they should be back soon. We will be picking up ice on the way back from picking up the kegs. Mai is bringing a cooler for the ice.”

Sokka finally quieted, slowing his pace. “Thanks.”

“Eh, what’re friends for.” Zuko hopped off the counter and put a hand on Sokka’s shoulder, forcing him to stop. “Stop worrying, people are going to be talking about this party for months, if not the whole year. We’re gonna go down in UCT history. So stop worrying about the party and start worrying about what you’re going to _wear_.” Sokka groaned, slumping over onto the island. 

“How did I let you convince me to throw a “Come As You Were Scene Circa 2009” party?”

“Cause the music is all bangers all the time, and listen to me,” Zuko lifted Sokka’s head to look at him. “I can and will use any excuse to see guys in eyeliner.” Zuko waggled his eyebrows, really trying to lift Sokka’s spirit. Sokka snorted, pushing Zuko’s face away from his. 

“You’re gross.” Sokka laughed.

“Every guy should try eyeliner! It's! Hot!" Zuko clapped his punctuation. "Now, tell me, are you married to your black jeans? Or could I, say, paint one leg of them blue?" Zuko smiled like Sokka had never seen him smile before. It was… whole. There wasn't a single mar of worry or sadness. His smile truly reached his eyes and made them shimmer, like pools of honey laced with mica powder. 

It made Sokka want to say yes to everything Zuko suggested. 

* * *

That's how he wound up on the floor, pinned under Zuko, eyes closed, waiting for Zuko to just be done already.

"I'm still firm on make-up being a girl thing." Sokka huffed. Zuko laughed, but tightened his grip on Sokka's face. 

"Stop moving or I will _make you look like a girl_." 

"What the _fucks_ wrong with being a girl?" Suki barged into the living room from the kitchen, and Zuko sat back on Sokka, pressing most of his weight into his hips.

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuuuuhh- calm the fuck down bud. That's your_ friend _Zuko, who yes happens to be gay but that doesn't mean_ you _are…_

_Not that that would be bad, I'm just sayin is all._

"Absolutely nothing Suki, please feel free to step on me later."

"Promise to wear the Docs." Suki winked at him. Zuko made a show of swooning for her, before absolutely losing it. Sokka opened his eyes - he was nothing if not true to his word, and he had told Zuko that yes, he would keep his eyes closed - and caught the way Zuko's face scrunched up before his hands found his face to muffle his snort-laugh.

Sokka would do _absolutely anything_ to hear him laugh like that at him. 

(Absolutely-Not-Feelings file was… very quiet tonight. No rattling, no pounding. It was easy for Sokka to think that maybe that part of his mind was finally quieting down, settling into a permanent fixture that would gather dust. He paid it no mind, but that meant he didn't see the gold oozing out onto the floor and quickly spreading.)

Zuko took a steadying breath, wiped his face and looked back down at Sokka. His eyes went wide when they met Sokka’s, blushing in his embarrassment (and the fact that _spirits_ either he was too good at makeup or Sokka should _wear more makeup)._ “Uh, yeah…” Zuko shook his head. 

Suki side eyed the boys, smiled, and went back into the kitchen to continue figuring out where the best place for the cups was. 

“I think all that’s left is eyeliner, which is arguably the worst part. I’ll be gentle.” Zuko dug around in his - very old - makeup bag. He hadn’t put on actual makeup since the house-fire, and he knew he should get new makeup, but if he wasn’t going to wear it what was the point?

“You’re gonna stick it _in_ my eyes aren’t you?” Sokka pouted. 

It made Zuko wanna kiss him. 

He’d just kiss Jet later instead. 

“Yep! And it’s gonna suck!” Zuko chuckled, leaning back in. “Close.” Sokka obeyed with a sigh. 

The eyeliner wasn’t as bad as Sokka thought it would be. Zuko, true to his word, was gentle with his eyelid and even more gentle with the waterline. Gentle was not the man who still jumped when Aang suddenly yelled in a flash of passion, or when Sokka got frustrated and threw his schematics all over the place. A guy who had a sadness so deep in his eyes, a fear so present in the furrow of his brow...

Vulnerabilities - and something Sokka couldn’t describe - had made him _angry_. 

He would not describe Zuko as gentle. He was rugged, sharp around the edges. It hurt to look at him, burned at the touch. This was a guy who exclusively listened to loud and angry music, who screamed at his own sister over the phone. 

Zuko was nothing if not contradictory. 

“All done. Open.” Sokka was greeted with that same mischievous smile Zuko wore earlier, one that made his stomach do tricks. He shoved those feelings down into the floor and smiled back up at him. 

“Am I hot?” Sokka winked, and swore Zuko’s pupils dilated.

“All guys in eyeliner are hot.” Zuko side-stepped the question, and began to get up. He used Sokka’s chest to steady himself before pushing off and stretching. “Don’t get up too fast, you’ll hurt yourself.” Zuko offered a hand. Sokka grasped his forearm, impressed that Zuko didn’t miss a beat and grabbed him just the same. 

Katara came down the stairs, threading fake plugs into her ears. “Anyone seen Aang?” 

“Not since I dropped him off downtown!” Suki called from the kitchen. 

“That’s weird,” Sokka brushed himself off, “He didn’t tell you where he was headed?” Suki joined them in the living room, shaking her head. 

“No, but I told him to text me when he was done doing… whatever he’s doing.” She shrugged. “He’s a big boy, he’ll be fine. Nice eyeshadow Sokka.” Suki smirked.

“That’s it take it off of me!” Sokka threw his hands up, and Suki caught one. 

“Sokka I actually mean it. You should wear makeup more often.” Zuko made a _see?_ gesture with his hands, and patted Sokka on the back. 

“Guys look good in eyeliner.” Were Zuko’s last words before he disappeared to get ready. 

“So you’ll put on makeup for a cute boy but not me?” Suki waggled her eyebrows at Sokka who blushed but crossed his arms across his chest. 

“That’s _not_ what this is. It’s a party, Sooks.” Suki punched his shoulder. 

“If you say so snoozles.” Sokka rolled his eyes at the nickname. A guy falls asleep on the MBTA one time…

“Are we calling Sokka snoozles again!” Toph finally made her presence known from the little reading nook adjacent to the living room. “Fuck yes!” She hopped out of the little chair and snapped her cane out from it’s closed position. She’s dressed head to toe in black, wanting to match the party. Not that she cared or something…

“You and me, beer pong tonight Toph?” Suki swept Toph up with an arm around her shoulders. “I need you on my team.”

“Oh, you know it babe,” Toph slung an arm around Suki’s waist. “Nobody likes losing to the blind girl. It’s hilarious.”

Mai - being one of the only people with _any manners_ \- knocked on the door before opening it. In bounced Ty Lee, arms full of streamers and party decor. 

“Look who we found!” Ty Lee high kicked in a “look here” motion, just barely managing to not kick Aang right in the face. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, looking at everyone through his lashes. 

“Aang!”

“What did you do?”

“Do you know that you’re bald!” The gang descended on Aang, all hands ready to rub his newly-shaved skull. 

“Yeah! Do you guys like it?” Aang bowed his head and revelled in the head pats. “I got sick of the blue, and it’s just hair-”

“Aang, hush.” Katara placed a hand gingerly on his cheek, guiding his face back up to them. “It suits you.”

“I can’t believe you actually did it, twinkle toes! I thought you were too chicken shit.” Toph punched him square on the shoulder. 

Mai grabbed ahold of Sokka’s shoulder and leaned in to speak to him. “You look good. Where’s Zuko?” Sokka flushed at the compliment. 

“Not sure. He disappeared a couple minutes ago. He’s probably just upstairs getting ready.” Mai nodded, leaving his side just as suddenly as she appeared. Ty Lee bopped around, Mai trailing her closely, holding all her tape and tacks. 

“We’ll have this place party perfect in no time! Your parents have _exquisite taste_ Sokka!” Ty Lee called to him, reaching up to tape streamers on the door jam between the kitchen and the living room. 

“Thanks, I won’t be telling dad’s though.” Sokka laughed nervously, suddenly very aware they were in _dad’s house_ , and if anything went wrong it’d mean death. 

“Do you think-”

“For the last time Sokka,” Zuko was halfway down the stairs when he began to speak, “Everything is fine, everythings alright, we’ve already cleaned up…” Sokka tuned out, staring at Zuko, coming down the stairs like an emo prince. Black eyeliner smudged to shit, black lipstick absolutely perfect, faded black Muse band tee, ripped skinnies with _chains_. Chains all over him. On his pants, around his neck…

(It would be so _incredibly easy_ to pull on those chains, get him _closer please get closer to me_. 

The shimmering mica-laced gold saturated his feet, grabbing a hold, tendrils wrapping around his legs and gluing him down. Sokka pretended to not notice.)

* * *

It was hot. People on every flat surface there was. Ty Lee had really turned his dad’s house into a club; she even brought her own colored LED’s that were pulsing through the rainbow, casting everyone in different shadows every few seconds. 

It almost hurt Sokka’s head. He downed his third beer and collected the discarded cups that littered the shelving he was next to. He was in a sea of blacks and reds and blues, every shirt changing into a different shade with the lights.

He wouldn’t miss those honeyed eyes, staring at him from across the room. Zuko gave him a reassuring smile, seemingly knowing exactly how anxious he was. He knew that this party would be big, but what he hadn’t counted on was having people spilling out of the hot, cramped house to the backyard. 

_Buzzzzz._ Who was texting him right now? He almost didn’t want to look.

 **[9:22pm; Zuko ROOMMATE] Mai stole a smoking pole and put it out back. We got your back.**

Sokka’s heart was suddenly full to burst. Everyone who had helped him pull this off was just as invested in the home’s integrity as he was, even those he didn’t know too well. He swore he’d get to know Zuko’s friends better as he looked up to smile back at Zuko. He’d vanished, into the sea of bodies, big hair and coontails. 

He headed back into the kitchen - the only respite from the colored lights - to fill up his cup in time to see Suki miss the winning shot in a game of beer pong set up on the island. 

“What kinda jock are ya?” Sokka bumped her shoulder with his. 

“Oh, you think you can do better? Be my guest.” Suki waved her hand over her set of cups - of which six still remained. 

“Woah woah woah, no tag ins!” The guy who was losing to Suki waved his hands in a stop motion. Sokka peaked into the cups, relieved to find they were filled with maybe two sips each (if you were a wimp, which Suki definitely was not).

“You know what, I’ll make it interesting for you.” Sokka hip checked Suki out of the way. She _would have_ gone willingly, and she stayed right next to him, interested. 

“What are the terms?” The guy crossed his arms, his answer already formed on his lips. 

“One shot. I get it, we win. I don’t, I drink them all.” Suki whistled, long and low. “Whaddya say?” Sokka reached his hand out over the cups. His opponent thought for a second, clearly debating himself, sizing Sokka up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Suki waving someone over. 

“You know what? Deal.” As they shook hands, suddenly all of his friends were at his back. 

“Are you _trying_ to be the drunkest person here?” Katara’s nagging voice piercing his focus. 

“Sounds like you could use another sugar queen.” Toph thrust her newly poured drink into Katara’s hand, sloshing the beer a little. Katara scoffed, but when someone gives you a drink you don’t say no (unless you really are too drunk, or are the DD, everyone knows the rules). 

“Shut up, he needs focus.” Aang clasped Sokka’s shoulder for a quick second. “Gettem buddy.”

Sokka took a breath, and lined up the shot. Angles and wind drag filled his mind as he tried to figure out the perfect amount of force to put behind his little white ball. 

Another steadying breath. The kitchen seemed to still as everyone in it crowded the island to watch the game with high stakes. 

Sokka takes the shot. 

The chorus of groans fills his ears before he registers that he _missed his shot_. 

“Awh, fuck.” Aang shook his head, resting his forehead on Sokka’s shoulder for a moment. Sokka’s head rolled back and hung there in defeat for a moment. 

“Ha! Drink up my dude.” The nameless guy shoved his last drink across the table and met Sokka’s eyes with his stupid smug face. Sokka poured all of the cups into his own, and without a second thought downed the whole thing. The crowd erupted into a cheer, putting a smile on his lips. He scanned the crowd and there those eyes were again, leaning against the door jam with three drinks in hand and _smirking_. 

(Maybe-Look-At-This-Later file erupted, pouring more and more gold lava all over the place. It was slowly consuming Sokka. 

He stayed put, but didn’t look.)

Sokka, locked in a stare with Zuko, licked his lips clean of beer and shoved his cup into Suki, who took it and poured him another. 

Zuko _winked at him_ before disappearing again. Sokka resisted the urge to run after him. 

* * *

Zuko met up with Mai and Ty Lee in the living room, which was very quickly becoming a fucking club. Bodies packed together, the only way through was to gyrate to the music and get ready for the trek to the bathroom to be really long. 

“Zuzu! What took you so long!” It wasn’t hard to find them; Ty Lee was already upside down in a handstand, ready to do a beer bong. Zuko had seen her do it before, but everytime he was impressed. He and every other guy watching. Too bad Mai would slit any man's throat who looked at her girl for too long.

“He was staring at a guy.” Mai smirked at him, but Zuko was one beer past being flustered about _anything_. It was easy to slip back into the cocky, partying jock that he used to be. 

“And what of it?” Zuko handed Mai her drink. “You ready Ty-Ty?” Ty Lee nodded, hose already stuck in her mouth. Zuko wasted not a single second, knowing what Ty Lee could handle, and dumped the whole cup into the funnel at once. As Ty Lee expertly chugged the whole cup in under ten seconds, Mai came up behind her so they were back to back. She hooked her legs over Mai’s shoulders, flipping herself up onto her girlfriends shoulders with her hands high in her showmanship. 

Everyone lost their minds, screaming and hooting as Mai spun them around. Zuko’s heart fluttered with love; he loved his friends and loved how _in love_ Mai and Ty Lee were. He was happy they’d gotten together after his and Mai’s breakup - Ty Lee was the only person good enough for Mai, and he was including himself in that. 

The room went back to being a borderline club as Ty Lee climbed off Mai and the music switched to All Bangers - Zuko knew how to cultivate a playlist set that was so in tune with how drunk people would be. It was around the time where people would still remember the music being on point, but drunk enough to _really_ appreciate it. (read: _he_ was drunk enough to really appreciate it)

Someone bumped into Zuko from behind, and he turned, ready to react however the situation made him feel. 

“Oh! Toph!” Zuko put his hand on her shoulder to steady her. “Wanna dance with us?”

“We sure do!” Aang, just a few steps behind her interjected. The whole gang was in tow, a hand holding chain so they wouldn’t lose anyone. 

“Yay! Is Suki here?” Ty Lee tried to tip toe to look over everyone. 

“Girl you think I wouldn’t be here?” Suki came up, snaking her way into their group and damn near falling into Ty Lee’s waiting arms. 

“You guys don’t have drinks?” Mai looked over the group, who were awkwardly packing themselves into a space that was way too small for them. 

“We came to dance?” Katara looks at Mai sideways. 

“Nope. Wrong answer.” Mai dug around in her tripp pants pockets for a flask that had to be at least twice the size as a regular flask. She took the first swig and it was passed around. 

Sokka slyly positioned himself behind Toph, so he wouldn’t be chest to chest with Zuko. (Every fiber of his being screamed in protest. He was frantically trying to wipe the ever encroaching honey off his body.) The group fell into a groove, bodies close and moving against each other in a way that allowed switching partners and sharing the flask. 

Zuko was having a blast. By far, his favorite dancing partner was Aang, who was beyond smashed. Zuko couldn’t bring himself to care, but did skip him in the flask rotation. Dancing with Aang was carefree; it was wild arms and booty shaking and _laughing_ , so much laughter. Aang spun to grab Katara and spun her around, pulling a delighted peel of laughter from her. 

_Finally she’s having_ fun. 

Zuko was suddenly pulled back into someone, hands gripping his hips. He knew those hands, and smirked. “I thought you’d never show.” He tipped his head back a little, a kiss pressed into the soft skin right behind his ear. 

The song changed, and the crowd screamed the lyrics while the low voice in his ear whispered “Am I more than you bargained for, yet?” Zuko laughed and turned to face him. 

“You’re ridiculous Jet.” Jet smirked, chuckling. 

“Sorry I’m late, didn’t get a formal invite.” 

“Didn’t think you needed one.” Zuko danced in Jet’s arms, and felt eyes on him that weren’t Jet’s. _Whatever, do what you fucking want. Let them watch._

And Sokka watched, feeling some kind of way. Suki turned to him, leaving Toph with Katara. 

“Your turn.” Suki grabbed his hand and weaseled the flask into it. 

“There’s _stil’lalcohol in here?”_ Sokka widened his eyes at his slur, but Suki just laughed. 

“Toughen up snoozles.” She playfully smacked his face, alternating her hands on each cheek, just enough to jar lucid Sokka back into the game. Sokka took his swig and passed the flask into Mai’s waiting hand. Suki grabbed his hands and danced with him. They took turns spinning each other around, and Sokka almost forgot about Zuko and _Jet of all fucking people._

(That didn’t stop the shimmering gold from wrapping around his throat and squeezing. It was becoming very hard to ignore it. Sokka looked into Suki’s eyes and relaxed.)

Zuko and Jet danced until the song was over, Jet detaching from Zuko’s body and leaving to go find a drink and their other friends. Zuko did not care about anyone else but his little group. He turned back into the group, immediately meeting Suki’s eyes. They smiled at each other, and Suki’s smile turned into a smirk as she grabbed his hand and pulled him into her and Sokka. 

They were all quickly becoming _very_ intoxicated - what was _in_ that flask?

Zuko didn’t care. Sokka didn’t care. It was the most free either of them had felt in a long time. 

**_Everybody! Throw up your hands! Say I don’t wanna be in love!_ **The house shook with the screams of the partygoers, the gang included. Who didn’t know Good Charlotte? Zuko was technically dancing on Suki, but was locked in a stare with Sokka. Sokka looked... jealous? Was he upset that Suki had pulled him into their dancing?

Sokka was falling head first into Zuko’s pretty honeyed eyes. The alcohol somehow lightened them, dripping sunshine. No matter how he tried, he just kept seeing Jet _on him._ He just… didn’t like it. (He told himself it was because Jet had done Katara dirty, but the shimmering gold holding him in a choke knew differently.) 

“Gotta pee, brb!” Zuko rolled his eyes at Suki’s use of text talk, but moved to let her out from between him and Sokka. As soon as Suki was no longer between them and gathering a possy of bathroom friends(it was everyone, including Aang), Sokka went to move away. 

Zuko caught him by the belt loop and pulled him back in. Sokka looked down at Zuko, stunned. Zuko licked his lips, taking a shallow breath in. The look on Sokka’s face melted from surprise to confusion. Zuko opened his mouth to speak, but instead got pushed up against Sokka. He caught himself with a hand on Sokka’s chest, and didn’t move back when given the chance. 

Sokka’s head dipped down a hair, still looking straight into Zuko’s soul. (He was consumed. Absolutely drenched in the gold that was Zuko. It was intoxicating. He needed _more please more._ )

“Uh, you wanna go have a smoke?” Zuko didn’t let go of Sokka’s pants, holding him in place until he answered him. His eyes flicked to Sokka’s lips, then back up to his eyes. He’d respect any answer he was given, but he thought he was reading the room correctly. 

“Yeah.. yes, please.” Sokka grabbed the hand that held him by the belt loop and spun around. He pulled Zuko behind him, through the living room (which was clearing out a little. Was it late? It didn’t matter, he was _holding_ Zuko’s hand. Nothing mattered but _right now_ ), through the kitchen, and out onto the back porch. 

Their inebriation hit them as the cool nighttime air did, and they stumbled toward the far end of the porch, away from prying eyes. Sokka turned and let go of Zuko’s hand. Zuko had a moment of fear, had he misread Sokka? His fear was hastily replaced with longing and excitement when Sokka grabbed Zuko by his pants chains and put him exactly where Zuko wanted to be - trapped between Sokka and the cool siding of the house. 

The air between them held a charge, a potential for something bigger, awaiting a catalyst. Zuko looked up at Sokka, both suddenly still, suddenly nervous. They’d been playing this game all night, but when it came down to it, would they?

“If you don’t-” Zuko started, but was silenced by Sokka’s hand coming up to cup his face, thumb tracing his bottom lip. 

“I _do._ ” Sokka sounded pained, like Zuko had punched him right in the gut. “Do you?” Sokka pressed his forehead against Zuko’s, holding eye contact. 

“ _Please,_ please kiss me Sokka.” Zuko kissed the thumb still pressed to his lips, his entire soul in his eyes. All of him, just for _Sokka_. 

Sokka let out a breathy, disbelieving chuckle before gently leaning in, brushing his lips against Zuko’s. 

That was just _not going to do._ Zuko arched up into Sokka, wrapping his arms around his neck and _pulling_. Sokka made a surprised little noise, Zuko’s body was so warm. He snaked an arm around Zuko’s waist and held him tight, the hand cupping his face moving to the back of Zuko’s head, tangling in his hair. Zuko melted into the touch, head falling into Sokka’s big hand. 

The kiss was slow, at first. Experimental. Zuko’s lips were soft, just as warm as the rest of him. Sokka’s held a small tension, like he was unsure if he _really_ wanted to be doing this. 

They broke, faces staying close together, breathing in sync. Zuko nervously licked his lips, and in doing so his tongue just barely touched Sokka’s lips. 

There it was. The spark that lit the air on fire. Sokka captured Zuko’s lips again, this time sure and steady. The kiss was unrelenting, bruising, and they drank each other in as if it was the last one they’d ever have. 

Sokka pressed Zuko into the house, slotting his leg in between Zuko’s. Zuko’s body jolted, like the sudden touch had electrocuted him. The small noise he made was more a whimper than anything. He bit Sokka’s bottom lip in playful retaliation, not knowing that was one of Sokka’s _things_ . The growl Zuko got in response made him bite harder, immediately soothing Sokka’s _poor lip_ with a swipe of his tongue. Sokka’s hips jerked up into Zuko’s, pressing with _obvious need_. 

Zuko whined, wanting just a _taste._ A morsel of something he knew he’d never actually get to eat. His fingers curled at the nape of Sokka’s neck, scraping down his shoulders, down his chest. 

(Little did they know, Aang had come to look for them. The house was emptying out, the hour drawing close to four in the morning, the sun just barely starting to threaten the pitch black sky with its arrival. ‘Oh, finally’ was Aang’s only thought as he turned to head back to their friends, his lie already on his lips. He was a good friend. If they didn’t tell, neither would he.)

Sokka’s hands found Zuko’s hips, drawing them ever closer to him. It was Zuko’s turn, stuttering hips nearly grinding into Sokka’s leg. Sokka broke the kiss suddenly, breathing heavy. Zuko’s hand came up to hold Sokka’s chin up; he wasn’t _done yet._ He trailed open mouth kisses down Sokka’s throat, down to his collarbone and back up his neck. Sokka’s grip on his hips was crushing, and oh _spirits_ did Zuko hope that he’d leave bruises. 

Zuko let go of Sokka’s face, keeping his face pressed surely against Sokka’s neck. Sokka’s head came to rest on Zuko’s shoulder, their breathing heavy and giddy. A smirk was pressed against Zuko’s neck, and before Zuko could really process what was happening around the brain fog, Sokka bit down hard on the soft skin that wasn’t quite neck, but not quite shoulder either. 

Zuko’s moan would have been heard through the house had his face not been buried in Sokka’s neck. 

“You can’t…” Zuko took in a shuddering breath, “You can’t _do this to me_.” He growled into Sokka’s ear. Sokka’s body shook with his laughter, kissing his handiwork. 

“Okay, _Prince Zuko._ ” Sokka loosened his grip on Zuko’s hips, wrapping his arms around his waist instead. Zuko wrapped his arms back around his neck, reeling at the nickname. 

“Prince huh? That’s a new one.” Zuko mumbled into Sokka’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, crown prince of being super fucking emo.” They shared a laugh, high off each other and _drunk off their asses._ They stayed like that for several minutes, willing the brain fog away to just get them inside safely. 

Suddenly, the music cut out and the lights flicked on and off, signalling everyone to get the fuck out. 

“You ain’t gotta go home but you’re _not_ staying here!” Toph’s voice boomed through the house, jarring the guys right out of their shared headspace. The speakers began to play the soft playlist Zuko had put together for the end of the party. 

“Aw, fuck. Is it really that late?” Zuko moved to pull out his phone, but Sokka pulled him back in. 

“Just one more minute…” Sokka whispered with a finality that made Zuko’s heart sink. He had said just a taste, he just hadn’t actually thought about what that meant…

“Why don’t we smoke that cigarette now?” Zuko offered, turning his head into Sokka’s face. Sokka picked up his head and looked at Zuko. Their stare had an understanding in it. 

They’d deal with that in the morning. 

For now, they sank to the porch floorboards, lit up their cigarettes, and enjoyed each other's company. Zuko rested his head on Sokka’s shoulder, and Sokka rested his on top of Zuko’s, as _Goodnight Moon_ by Go Radio played softly inside the house. 

**_Then there you were_ **

**_And I saw my Juliet come graceful down the stairs_ **

**_It's hard to miss_ **

**_The way her eyes light up the room and still the air_ **

**_Do you feel us falling?_ **

**_'Cause I feel us falling..._ **

* * *

The living room was absolutely filthy. No one was lucid enough after they managed to shoo everyone who didn’t belong out to do any sort of cleaning. Instead, they stripped Sokka and Katara’s childhood beds of their linens and curled up in the middle of the floor. 

Red solo cups littered the floor, along with a few of their dad’s books from the shelves. Nothing was broken, nothing ruined by a spilt drink or stomach. The smokers pole out back had a ring of butts around it - at least everyone had _tried_ in their inebriation. 

The sizzle of something cooking trickled into Sokka’s mind, gently lifting him from sleep. He hugged Zuko closer to him, smelling distinctly of beer and whipped cream vodka. 

Oh my _god,_ was he _still drunk?_ What time was it? Sokka opened his eyes just a crack, peering down at Zuko who was also rousing from sleep. Sokka detached from Zuko and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He put a hand on the floor to steady himself. Yeah, he was definitely still drunk and hungover? Somehow at the same time?

“Katara, what’s for breakfast?” Sokka’s voice was hoarse, groggy with sleep. He cleared his throat. 

“A lecture.” Hakoda’s voice came steady from the kitchen. 

“And pancakes!” Aang sang out. _Fuckin kid are you kiddi- OH NO._ Sokka searched the living room for Katara, and they locked eyes, mirroring each other's fear. 

_We’re so fucking dead._ Katara mouthed to him before hanging her head and covering her face. Sokka rubbed his face clear of sleep, feeling Zuko patting his shoulder. 

“I won’t cry at your funeral.” Zuko whispered. 

“You’re all coming with us.” Sokka snapped back. He groaned getting up off the ground, stumbling a little like a foal taking his first steps out into the world. And just like that newborn foal, he quickly got his legs back and helped Katara to her feet, and they kicked everyone awake.

Katara and Sokka hugged - one last time before they died. 

“Are you still drunk too?” Sokka whispered softly into her ear. 

“You know what? I think so. Is it possible to be hungover _and_ drunk?”

“Yes, yes it is. Welcome to the club.” Sokka kissed the top of her head. The gang all piled into the kitchen, pointedly staying out of Hakoda’s way. They all took a seat on the empty kegs still in the kitchen, Mai and Ty Lee sharing one to stay small and out of the way. They had no idea what Sokka’s parents were like, and they really wanted to stay out of the argument, should it come to that. 

“Morning losers, sleep well?” Toph took a pointed sip of her coffee. The collective groan made her smirk. “Thought so.”

Bato came into the kitchen, giving Katara and Sokka the “ooh _ouch_ ” breath through his teeth. “Coffee’s fresh, another pots on as we speak!” is what he said. Mai and Ty Lee shared a mug, Ty Lee leaning sleepily against Mai. 

Usually, Sokka was a sugar and cream person, but this morning he chugged the hot coffee black, needing the jarring bitterness to deal with the ensuing chewing out. Aang put out a plate of scrambled eggs, and Hakoda turned with a stack of pancakes a foot tall. He placed the plate down, pointing his spatula at Sokka and Katara. 

“You two…” Hakoda looked beyond pissed, but deep down they knew their dad wouldn’t yell at them in front of _the whole world_ . “We’ll eat, and then Bato and I are going to find our _couch_ , and get into _our room_ , and all of you are going to clean my house.” The chorus of _yes sir_ made him nod, satisfied with the answer. 

“The couch is at our place. It’s safe.” Sokka said in a small voice. 

“At least you had the forethought to lock up everything valuable, thank you.” Bato nodded, trying very hard to lessen the hurt that was to come. “I need to know; what’s all over your _face,_ Sokka?” Sokka blinked at Bato, brain stuck on the red ring of death for a moment. 

“Oh! Uh, it was a themed party… it’s makeup…” Sokka scrunched his face like he was bracing for a punch (his parents _would never_ ). Bato just nodded. He _didn’t_ mention the streaks of black down his neck, or Zuko’s matching smudged lipstick. No one did, and that was _very kind_ , even if Sokka and Zuko didn’t realize what they looked like. 

“Uh, um…” Mai realized she didn’t know how to address Sokka’s parents. “Uh… Sokka’s dads?” She flinched. 

“Hakoda and Bato will be fine.” Bato pointed between Hakoda and himself, nodding to her. 

“Thank you. We got the couch to campus in my pick-up, we’ll go get it when I can see straight.” She shrugged, no use in lying - they all knew what happened and how they all felt.

“Thank you…” Bato held a hand out for her name. 

“Mai. This is my sleepy girlfriend, Ty Lee.” She hugged a dozing Ty Lee closer to her. 

“It’s nice to meet you both, though I do wish it were under, uh, _better circumstances_.” Bato seemed just as apologetic as Mai felt. 

“Well!” Aang set out a plate of bacon straight from the oven. “Bone app the teeth!” His smile shone bright, and he was greeted with a mixture of groans and laughs. Sokka picked up a pancake and threw it at him. 

“Shut up dude.” He laughed, and with that everyone started serving themselves. 

Thankfully, the conversation over breakfast was amicable, giving Katara and Sokka the metaphorical five more minutes they needed. Katara took Sokka’s hand under the table and squeezed it. _We go together or we don’t go down at all_ is what was said with the squeeze. 

Sokka smiled, and squeezed back. _Love you sis._ He took a breath and shoved a whole pancake in his mouth. He looked over to Zuko, who was already looking at him. They gave each other a small smile. 

Sokka’s heart squeezed so hard it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! I can't WAIT to hear what yall think of this chapter.  
> kudos/comments are always loved and fuel me.  
> come visit me on tumblr (bongripsncoffee) and yell at me if you so choose  
> If you want the playlist i listened to while writing this chapter let me know!  
> Love you all! See you next time!!!


	8. Anagnorisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me how no one wanted to tell me I look like this. In front of my dads, of all fuckin’ people. In front of my whole world."
> 
> Or, a chapter in which we witness Sokka freak the fuck out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the TW list: depictions of panic attacks, mild self harm, brief dissociation
> 
> you're all so patient and kind, and I love you all. Happy New Year, have a lil somethin' somethin'.

_ Tell me how no one wanted to tell me I look like this. In front of my  _ dads,  _ of all fuckin’ people. In front of my whole world. _

The water ran dark down the drain, carrying with it the night before and every trace of Zuko still left on Sokka’s skin. He wished that he could turn into jelly and just slide right down the drain too. Just disappear along with the night he couldn’t figure out if he wanted to forget entirely or remember every last detail of. 

The Sokka in the mirror stared right back at him, looking like a hot mess. Hand soap only seemed to be making the eyeliner and mascara run down his face. He might as well have cried it off. He  _ felt _ like crying, which he hadn’t truly felt like doing since Yue. Usually, Sokka knew when things would warrant tears, but nothing felt sad enough for him to grace with the unusual sight of his tears. 

His tears were special. Sokka was a  _ man _ . He saved them for moments that truly deserved his tears. 

So, unless Zuko was going to straight up die for him, he wasn’t  _ worth crying over _ . 

Sokka pushed the medicine cabinet open and grabbed one of Aang’s prescription strength face cleansers off the shelf. He vaugely remembered the Aang he knew before he finally went to a dermatologist for his painful, cystic face. It felt like so long ago now…

Aang would understand. He’d just use a little bit and pay for the next bottle. Sokka pulled up the plug on the sink once more and filled it with the hottest water he could handle. 

Sokka was still desperately confused. He tried to stare into the bubbles swirl and pop in the sink, but it wasn’t hypnotizing enough to slow his breathing. The thought had always been in the back of his mind,  _ could I be gay?  _ The scene of Nuvat and him huddled together in a tent, away from everyone, was projected into his brain. Face to face, it was so  _ hot _ in that tent despite the raging wind outside. Sokka was just a young teenager, before he started pursuing Yue. Everyone experiments, don’t they? 

Sokka turned off the water and just dunked his whole face into the sink. The water rushed into his ears, muffling the world. He let out a small, slow stream of air, the air bubbles irritating on his skin. 

Sokka resolved to keep the air in his lungs. The increasing burn in his lungs was a welcome, grounding feeling. 

Then there was the first couple weeks of his sophmore year, right after he lost Yue. He needed an out, an escape, and there was this  _ guy.  _ His friends called him Long Shot, but now that he was thinking on it, he either never knew or  _ can’t remember this guys name _ . Sokka couldn’t count on one hand how many nights they spent next to each other either high or drunk, both of them trying to get over a girl, of all things. 

Sokka slowly lifted his head up out of the sink. Shaky hands gripped the face wash and squirted just a little too much, way more than he was planning on. The breath he drew in was sharp. He put the bottle back on the edge of the sink, his breath out a hiss. 

What he needed was an anti-anxiety. His heart was in his stomach, and his stomach had just fallen right out of his damn body. Instead he warmed the soap between his hands and smothered his face in it. 

He’d had such a clear cut picture of who he was going to be - college graduate, engineer, eventual husband to Yue, a father, an uncle. Now Yue was gone, he couldn’t focus on a damn thing without popping a pill, and Zuko’s  _ fucking lipstick _ was all over his goddamn face. 

Sokka’s fingers twitched, and in his over-correction he smeared the heel of his hand straight up over his eye. The pathetic sound he made was so high pitched it shocked even him for a moment. 

He plunged his hands into the sink and started sobbing. His eyes stayed screwed shut as he frantically splashed water over his face. The water sloshed around, pouring over the sides of the sink and crashed loud as a symphony onto the floor. The sound of his choked, erratic breathing filled the room, drowning out the worried, insistent knocks from Aang. His tears worked wonders for getting the soap out of his eye, even if how hot he was getting was drying his eye out even as he sobbed. 

He scratched at his face and neck, where he knew the most black streaks were. Where he still  _ felt _ Zuko’s warm lips on him. His hands stilled a moment, lingering on the point of his jaw right under his ear. He watched the soap swirl around, hot tears dropping to join in the dance. The loud cries that burst out of his chest did nothing to silence Zuko's breath in his ear, his scratching like a feather against the skin compared to the feeling of Zuko’s teeth running down his jugular. 

With a long pained noise that was punctuated by a hiccup, Sokka splashed his face once more and jerked his head up to look himself in the eye. 

Suddenly he was clean, and naked. 

All he saw in his own eyes was unadulterated longing and absolute misery. He was clean, he was miserable, he wanted his kiss marks back. 

And he was… he-

His panic bubbled up through his tears again, and Sokka watched as Mirror Sokka’s face crumpled and bared his teeth in the most anguished cry Sokka had ever seen.  _ That’s me. That sound is me. That face is  _ me. 

Aang’s knocks became bangs and doorknob jiggling and Sokka backed up from the mirror, suddenly deathly silent and wide eyed. His back hit the wall, he lost his footing on the slippery tile and Sokka hit the floor. 

Yue is _gone._ She’s gone. He’d sought attention from a _guy_ after her. Suki got fucked over and now Zuko? Was he _always_ _under the influence_ when he made these choices? _I’m so fucking shitty oh my god I’m the fucking_ worst _I don’t deserve_ anyone _spirits spirits_ spirits-

The door jam was made of shitty wood, and Aang shoved through it pretty easily. “Sokka? Sokka what the fuck?” His voice was high, matching Sokka’s anxiety. Sokka was on the floor hyperventalating, with his head in between his raised knees. Aang carefully waded through the lake on the floor, and gathered Sokka’s anti-anxiety’s from the cabinet and a spit cup’s worth of water. 

Side by side, Aang sat quietly with Sokka, his hand on Sokka’s knee while Sokka shook and cried. Aang knew this particular cry well, opposed to the heartbreaking wail that made him bust in the door, breaking the doorknob  _ and _ the door jam in the process. 

Sokka’s body rolled, stomach heaving. He coughed with his dry heave, a near-miss that forced Sokka’s breath to become less erratic, a sudden visceral feeling to jar his mind out of the fog of memories. He came to notice Aang’s hand clutching his knee, how wet his ass was from sitting in this floor, how his weakening cries were the only sound in the room. 

With a closed mouth whine, Sokka’s head lolled up from in between his knees and came to rest on Aang’s shoulder. 

“Dude.” Sokka’s voice was a small, broken thing, raspy with overuse. 

“Dude?” Aang frantically searched Sokka’s face for any emotion besides the unnerving brokenness. 

“Dude.. I’m-” Sokka suddenly started coughing, choking on his own spit. He sat forward and took the meds from Aang, killing two birds with one cup of water. “I’m bi.” His voice a little clearer, but notably shakier. 

Aang’s smile was soft, gently encouraging. “Yeah?” Of course he already knew, he knew his best friend like the back of his hand. And oh was he  _ so excited _ to finally hear it.

“I’m really into Zuko.” A small, high pitched laugh bubbled up from his chest, ending with a shake of his head. “How fucked up is that?”

“I dunno man," Aang shifted to sit crosslegged. “You really wanna hear my opinion?” Aang gave Sokka an out - not everyone wants to get philosophical minutes after a panic attack. 

“Yeah, man I really do.” Sokka leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His heart was still jumping out of his chest, and he’d just left his stomach there on the ground, leaving him feeling hollowed out. His chest pulled in the same way it does when your breath gets knocked out of you, with none of the gasping for breath. 

“I think that these kinds of things just.. happen. The blueprints of the universe are just that:; blueprints. We’re all wandering in life, in and out of places we do and don’t belong,” Aang rolled his hands near his knees, talking with his hands but on the down low, “And we’re never gonna know if it’s the right or wrong place until we roll out, onto the next place.”

Sokka pushed out a breath, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck kid…” Aang shook his head, smiling softly. 

“But, regardless of anything, we’re here. We can either participate or get complacent. You wanna fuck around and find out? Or do you wanna keep pushing this shit down?” Sokka snorted, a slightly manic laugh escaping his lips once again. 

“I guess I’ll fuck around and find out, ya shithead.” He’d managed to scoop his stomach off the floor, feeling put together but still a little empty, mostly spent. 

“Hell yeah! Fuck it up dude!” Aang popped up, more fluidly than a guy of his size should have been able too. Those long gangly legs shouldn’t be able to move that way. He held a hand out to Sokka. “And know that I’ll be here every step of the way, you’re kinda stuck with me.” Aang beamed down at Sokka, smile brighter than the sun and ten times as warming. 

He grabbed Aang’s forearm, braced himself, and let Aang help haul him up into a standing position. 

Sokka clasped Aang’s shoulder, leaning his head in, close to Aang’s. “Yeah, I know. Me too.”

Aang smiled, and met Sokka’s head with his own, bumping them together in the way cats often do. 

_ I love you bhaee.  _

_ I love you too, angak.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's not longer, i been going thru it. hopefully i'll be over it soon and i can get back to it soon. 
> 
> please come bother me on tumblr, ive been known to give up my secrets to anyone who graces me with a smile. 
> 
> comments make my heart squeal💙💙💙💙💙💙💙


	9. Retrogress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day went by without incident, the monotony of the job smoothing Zuko’s rough edges. People rolled in and out of the little shop, filling the lobby beyond what OSHA considered a safe amount of customers in the small space. 
> 
> Zuko usually laughed at OSHA, but couldn’t help but feel claustrophobic and exposed when the shop was so busy. Today - of all days - was a weird one to feel comfortable in the chaos. They moved together, yin and yang, Uncle going up when Zuko ducked down. It was familiar, but more than that it was fulfilling. More and more, as time went on, Zuko started to notice that his Uncle was one of two people tethering him to this world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D you guys are so amazing, and perfect, and patient, and i would die for each and every one of you
> 
> this chapter is a HUGE trigger warning for addiction to painkillers. i'll put a tl;dr at the end of the chapter if you'd like a preview or to skip it all together (these themes will be continued in the rest of the fic, but on god we're getting these kids to better lives)

The sudden crash of thunder followed by the lights flickering startled Sokka, but explained  _ everything _ . The pain started late in the night and followed him into the early afternoon. His lazy Friday was marred by the leg break that never healed properly. Instead he was laying in the pit (a big mistake) cycling between ice and heat, desperately trying to rid himself of the pain without medication. 

An hour and a half had passed; he’d caught up on all social media and played all of the games on his phone. The boredom outweighed his refusal to put any weight on his leg, and Sokka hauled himself out of the pit and limped his way back into his room. 

Inside the closet was his wooden cane he carved himself after realizing his leg may never feel better. It fit him well, and was one of his most prized possessions, despite how broken it made him feel. 

But it helped. It helped because he  _ was broken _ , and he’d just have to accept that fact. 

The relief he felt from just being able to take some of the weight off that leg rivaled the rush his pain medication gave him. He sat at his desk, fishing through the top drawer. Sokka was  _ certain _ he had just a couple of his vic’s left, and he really didn’t want to deal with the pain. 

Giving up wasn’t something Sokka was used to, but after pulling out every loose paper and broken pencil in the drawer and coming out empty handed, he sighed and shoved everything back into the drawer. He heard the door open and called out a greeting to whoever was walking in. With a groan he pushed out of his seat, grabbed his cane and went to greet his visitors. 

“That bad today?” Katara was already in the kitchen, milk pulled out of the fridge. Sokka just huffed his response, bad mood soured even further by his missing pills.

“Cane buds!” Toph smacked their cane against the table they were seated at, making Sokka smile in spite of himself. He tapped his cane against theirs. 

“Cane buds forever.” Sokka chuckled, pulling out a chair and plopping into it. 

“I’m making us cocoa, can I get you anything?”

“Yeah, actually, you can tell me where-” 

“I tossed them. Next question.” Katara turned off the stove and moved the milk off the hot burner. This conversation needed her full attention. She turned to face Sokka, whos eyes were trained on her, the definition of ‘if looks could kill’. Katara just crossed her arms and put on her mothering face. “It’s not like you need them! Tylenol would be fine!”

“That’s not your decision to  _ make _ Katara!” Sokka was trying very hard not to lose his temper, failing at keeping his voice steady. He put his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down. His bouncing leg gave him away. 

“It absolutely  _ is  _ my decision to make! I can’t  _ watch,”  _ Katara put her hands on the counter and leaned in closer to Sokka, “as you backtrack-”

“Then don’t! What I do and don’t do with things that are  _ mine _ isn’t any of your business!” 

“Sokka, maybe-” Toph sat up straighter in their chair, slightly uncomfortable. They had no siblings, and sibling shit made them... wiggly.

“Shut up Toph, this doesn’t need to concern you.” Sokka turned his head towards them and opened his hand in a stop motion before moving back to pinching his nose.

“Don’t you speak like that to them!” Katara grabbed her wooden spoon out of her warm milk pot and  _ thwap!  _ smacked Sokka right on his head. Sokka’s head snapped up and he slammed his hands on the table.

“Why do you think you’re in charge of every little thing I do? I take a ‘weird’ elective,” Sokka added air quotes to punctuate, “you have something to say about it. My fuckin’ socks are somewhere that’s not the hamper,  _ you have something to say about it.  _ Spirits fuckin’ forbid I want just one thing to help the pain a little,” Sokka leaned over the table, ready to yell at Katara some more when the door bust open, Aang already tossing his bag to the side with his angry face on, closing the space between himself and Sokka in three long-legged strides. 

“You  _ cannot tell me _ we’re having this fucking conversation again!” Aang grabbed the back of Sokka’s chair and whipped it out toward him, Sokka still in it. The sudden display of strength knocked Sokka off kilter for a moment, before he stood to meet Aang. 

“And what about it! What’s  _ one _ vic in the face of, like, all the progress I’ve made!” Sokka and Aang were toe to toe. 

“Isn’t that what a fucking addict would say? Sokka are you even  _ listening  _ to your own words right now?” Now, Aang had a pacifist mindset in all instances… except the ones where his friends threatened to slip back into addict territory. Aang shoved Sokka, hard enough that he went stumbling back toward the table. “Are you seriously upset that we’re  _ trying to help you?! _ ” 

From the kitchen, Katara simply sighed and turned back to her cooking. 

They’d been here before and the fight never lasted long. 

“Dude, what the  _ fuck? _ ” Sokka got back up in Aang’s face, his own face reddening. It hurt so much to be on his leg, but the first rule of fighting was no weapons, and Sokka couldn’t be trusted. “You guys are trying to police me is what you’re doing! How is that  _ fair _ ?” Sokka shoved Aang back and took a step forward to follow him. “How is any of this fair to me!” Sokka opened his arms wide, gesturing to, well, all of it. “Do you  _ like _ seeing me in  _ pain _ ?” 

Aang’s face twisted into heartbreak for just a moment - how could Sokka insinuate that he enjoyed watching his best friend crumble under the weight of his pain? Then all of the other arguments they’d had flashed in the front of his mind, blurring his heartache into righteous fury. 

“You’re a  _ fuckin prick. _ ” Aang closed the distance between them, winding up, and punched Sokka in the face with a hard left hook that moved Sokka a step sideways - straight onto his bad leg. Sokka stifled his whimper and pushed off his bad leg to come back up to Aang. 

“Alright we’re all done.” Toph, who’d gotten out of their chair without either of the boys noticing, came up alongside them, grabbed them by the backs of their heads and smacked them together. “Shut the fuck up, y’all are making fools outta yourselves." Toph simply turned and toed back to the table while the boys rubbed their foreheads and glowered at each other. 

"Why don't you roll a backwoods, drink some damn cocoa and maybe you'll calm down." Katara set four steaming mugs on the breakfast bar, and sighed. "Do you want that Tylenol now?" Sokka and Aang looked at each other, Aang held out his elbow to Sokka. 

“Sorry man.” Aang white-person smiled at Sokka, something that guaranteed a laugh from Sokka. Sokka took Aang’s arm, laughing as he let Aang carry most of his weight back to his chair. 

“You didn’t happen to keep the eight hundred ibuprofen?” Sokka put together his hands in a praying motion, putting on his best puppy-dog eyes. 

“They’re in my bag, I’ll grab them.” Katara left the kitchen to fish through her bag while Aang distributed the hot cocoas. The extra chairs were stored in a corner of the quad that wasn’t suitable for anything else, and Aang went to grab two more chairs. 

“I just picked up, a strain called Moonshine Haze? Weird name.” Aang slid into the seat at the head of the table, across from Toph and next to Sokka. He dug around in his bag, producing a brown paper bag. 

“Ooh, dispensary weed. Fancy!” Toph made grabby hands at Aang, who popped the little plastic bottle open. He handed it over to Toph. They took a big whiff and pleasantly sighed. “Smells amazing. Good pick.”

“I honestly picked it ‘cause the name was weird and it’s a sativa.” Aang shrugged. He usually only picked up sativas - indicas and indica heavy hybrids rendered him useless. Couch-lock to the max. Sokka grabbed the bottle from Toph, giving it a nice smell as well. 

Katara put the orange prescription bottle in front of Sokka with a little too much oomph. She grabbed her cup and went back into the kitchen to finish her dishes. 

“Did you really go all the way to Jay for weed? I coulda just called up Haru.” Katara wasn’t a weed snob. To her, if it got her high it didn’t much matter where it came from. 

“That SSI payment hit today. I get to spoil us once a month, last month was a day in Denver, this month its weed. Kill me.” Aang shrugged, snatching the bottle from Sokka to begin to roll. 

“We love SSI weed, fuck you feds.” Toph held out a middle finger, pointed toward the window. 

“Anyone heard from Suki?” Sokka checked his phone for the first time in nearly an hour, his notifications dryer than the Sahara. 

“Her and the warriors are training at the gym today. They offered for me to go too, but I’m feeling lazy. Arm day can wait.” Toph shrugged. They were absolutely a gym rat - going nearly everyday. Tall, blind, and an absolute beefcake. Just the way they liked it.   


Rainy days were lazy days. 

“I’m not surprised. They need this next win to go to states. Which reminds me, who’s planning on going to states if they make it?” The gang looked at Katara like she had six heads. 

“You think any of us would miss that? We made that mistake last year and they lost.” Sokka tossed his pills back towards Katara’s bag, knowing she’d just find them wherever he tried to hide them. 

“Listen, I just wanna know how many people we need to plan for!”

“Sugar Queen, calm down. What we’re going to do is split a double queen at the Motel Six and smuggle everyone in. Simple.” Toph loudly slurped the last of her cocoa. 

“That way none of us are paying too much for a place to sleep for one night. You know we’re just going to end up staying up way too late and sleep in the same bed anyway. Why bother.” Aang shrugged, looking up at her while licking the backwoods, glueing it back together. 

“Well-”

“What if we get caught!” Sokka mocked her, straining his voice to hit a pitch he wasn’t used to. “Chill Katara. I promise you that the front desk worker has better things to do at one am than check every room and make sure no one’s breaking the rules.” Sokka reached for the candle on the table. Peach Bellini. One of the strongest Bath and Body scents, perfect for covering the weed smell. 

“I’ll be headed to the Jasmine Dragon later, Zuko invited me to rehearsal tonight.” Aang elbowed Sokka and wiggled his eyebrows while he took his hit. “Wanna come?” Katara looked away and snickered, pointedly training her eyes on Toph’s face. Sokka groaned, sinking into his seat further. 

“Not particularly.” Sokka had been avoiding Zuko for nearly a week now, which turned out to be super easy when Zuko was doing the same. “If he wanted, he would. I hear him loud and clear.”

Sokka was a master at hiding his true feelings. He really wanted to talk to Zuko about the kiss, and avoiding him wasn’t really productive. He also  _ didn’t _ want to talk about it, and just wanted to move on. It was a mistake. 

It  _ was a mistake. _ Right? 

* * *

_ They’re your pills and you’re in pain. _

The oxycontin stared back at Zuko, the full bottle perched on what used to be his shelf in the medicine cabinet. An unsteady hand reached out for them, a crash of thunder making him jump. His hand nearly cleared the whole shelf. Zuko huffed, smacking the bottle into the sink and closing the medicine cabinet. The last time he’d seen his reflection in this mirror, he still jumped at how he looked. A few weeks later and a lot had changed. He traced his fingers along the edge of his scar, probing the parts that still were sore.

_ Make it hurt. You need the pills. It still hurts! You’re in pain. _

He searched his own eyes for the opposing view. The Sozin Gold, the trademark that tagged his soul. Zuko tried to see Uncle’s eyes, but this time he only saw Azula’s. 

_ Do it, do it. DO IT. _

Zuko looked away from the mirror, shaking Azula out of his head. Suddenly, he wondered how she got over the hump of withdrawals locked up. 

And if the fact that he’d been under the influence at the time of the fire would affect his case. 

The loud crashing of orchestra music blared from his phone; but instead of picking it up he tied his apron up, stuffed the oxy’s in his pocket, and began his descent into the Jasmine Dragon. 

The smell of freshly brewed raspberry-hibiscus tea wafted up the back hall, so strong he could almost taste it. Zuko wasn’t really one for raspberry in tea, but he had to admit that paired with the hibiscus, Uncle made it bearable.

Uncle made most things bearable. Most things. 

Zuko needed a day. He planned on showing up to his own rehearsal, but otherwise he was uninterested in learning anything. The need to just fall into step next to Uncle overwhelmed him that morning, and without a second thought, nothing more than a hastily written mass email, he hit the bricks and just got off campus. 

“Three raspberry hibiscus to table three.” Uncle deposited three teacups onto a serving tray and left to start the next order. Familiarity rushed over Zuko, and he quietly slipped into autopilot. 

~

The day went by without incident, the monotony of the job smoothing Zuko’s rough edges. People rolled in and out of the little shop, filling the lobby beyond what OSHA considered a safe amount of customers in the small space. 

Zuko usually laughed at OSHA, but couldn’t help but feel claustrophobic and exposed when the shop was so busy. Today - of all days - was a weird one to feel comfortable in the chaos. They moved together, yin and yang, Uncle going up when Zuko ducked down. It was familiar, but more than that it was fulfilling. More and more, as time went on, Zuko started to notice that his Uncle was one of two people tethering him to this world. 

Movement in the huge front bay window caught his eye; his heart stuttered as he waved back to Sokka and Aang, who moved to come into the shop. 

Maybe his tether number had doubled. He ducked into the back room and let Uncle take their orders. 

“...eeting Zuko, he invited me to rehearsal today!” Scrambling for something to actually do in the back room, Zuko sighed and grabbed the broom. 

“Zuko! I know I’m early but my model U.N. meeting got cancelled-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me Aang, you’re always welcome here.” Zuko smiled atto him and scooted around them, dragging the broom behind him. 

Sokka cleared his throat and moved out of Zuko’s way. "Hey."

“Hey.” Zuko did not make eye contact with Sokka, but did notice how he was hunched over his cane. He stored that information away. 

Aang rolled his eyes and shot a look to Uncle Iroh, who’s interest in the situation was more than piqued. Uncle looked between Sokka and Zuko, raised his eyebrows and turned to get started on the drinks with a smile. 

“Model U.N? That’s quite the undertaking!” Uncle spoke loudly over the machine as he steamed the milk for Sokka’s latte. 

“Well, I’ll get extra credit in my poly-sci class, and I figure if I’m gonna study international law I should, uh, study.” Aang bounced on his toes, already ramped up from his day. It was probably for the best that he was to be drinking herbal tea. 

“Should we clean a table for you two? I apologize for the mess, you just missed a rush.” Uncle poured the first espresso shot into the medium cup, setting up the machine for the next one. Sokka’s usual: a quad mocha latte. Poor guy could never get anything done without the help of copious amounts of stimulants. 

“That won’t be necessary, I’m not staying. The girls are down the street, I’ll be hobbling over to meet them.” Sokka’s laugh wasn’t the one Zuko was so used to hearing by now. It tried to hide his pain, unfortunately for him everyone in this little tea shop knew how to find hidden pain. 

Uncle produced the two beverages with a joyous look upon his face. “Well then I wish you health on this rainy day. Have a good one!” Zuko, with the bus bucket on one hip and the broom in the opposite hand, stepped out of Sokka’s path a little more widely than before. He offered Sokka a small smile, which Sokka returned as he lumbered out of the shop. 

Aang just slid into a seat and excitedly bounced his knee. Zuko looked into Aang’s wide eyes for only a moment, but he read them loud and clear - there was no way Aang  _ wasn’t _ going to tell Uncle every detail of his personal life. 

A part of Zuko was relieved that he wouldn’t have to say it. What was he supposed to say to Uncle?  _ I’m super into my roommate but he’s not so I’m just suffering. Table four needs more sugar packets. _

A bigger, louder part wanted Aang’s mouth to somehow just be spontaneously filled with glue. “There’s no one else here, just kill me now.” Zuko rolled his eyes, heading out back to put the dishes in the sink and the broom in the corner. 

“Uncle you’ll never guess!” Aang threw his hands up in the air. 

“Is that Sokka boy the reason he’s here today?” Uncle smiled, taking the seat next to Aang. Zuko groaned in the slop kitchen and grabbed a red sanitizer bucket. 

“They  _ kissed.  _ And won’t talk about it.” Aang widened his eyes at Uncle, who rolled his. 

“Communication is key Zuko.” Uncle eyed Zuko from across the room, where Zuko was absently rubbing circles into the tables. Zuko sighed, and wondered when the last time he actually changed the sanitizing solution. Another OSHA violation. 

“If Sokka wanted to communicate to me he would. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person to just… this guy never shuts the fuck up Uncle.” Zuko tried - and failed miserably - to sound annoyed by Sokka. He actually really liked and really admired the fact that Sokka couldn’t leave a single thought unsaid. Aang snickered, but kept his mouth shut. Of course these idiots would say the same exact thing. 

“Communication is a two way street, and you’ll never know-”

“So I’ll never know then.” Zuko cut off Uncle; he didn’t come here to get lectured, he came here to forget about it. He wet his rag again, not bothering to wring it out before going to the next table. 

Aang and Uncle whispered to each other while Zuko washed each table with careless abandon. Wet tables deterred people from staying. When he caught up to the two sitting down, he slid into the bench seat next to Aang and sighed. 

“I wish it didn’t happen.” Aang scoffed and rested his head against Zuko’s shoulder for a moment in one of Aang’s patented head hugs. 

“No you don’t. It’s just hard to be into someone who’s always around.” Aang, wise beyond his years, having lived so much life already. 

“Speaking of, when are you and Katara going out?” Zuko found his out, and swiped at it eagerly. Aang suddenly sat up rod straight and turned an unnatural shade of red. Zuko suppressed his smile and chuckle. Uncle not so much, his boisterous laugh filling the little shop. 

Zuko and Aang burst into a laugh as well, the tension finally out of the air. 

“Soon, hopefully. If I could ever just… get her alone.” Zuko smirked, tucking that little piece of information away for later. Sokka and him weren’t speaking, but texting didn’t count. 

Not when it came to Aang. 

As if just thinking about his phone sped up time, his alarm warning him that rehearsal was in a half hour rang out. And Zuko absolutely did not want to go, but the first few weeks were key to understanding everyones acting styles and learning the characters. 

“It’s that time of day already?” Uncle rose from his chair with a groan, stretching out his back. 

“I guess.” Zuko's sigh was deep as he turned off his alarm and opened his texts. 

**[me; 4:30pm] we need to get Aang and Katara alone for like five minutes so this poor boy can stop pining.**

**[me; 4:31pm] also… if you need some kind of relief i am the not so proud owner of some oxys**

Zuko locked his phone and stood, gathering his cleaning materials to return them to their rightful spots. He caught Aang’s eyes for a moment, thinking he saw something dark in them before heading to the back room. 

After refreshing Aang’s tea and making his own iced latte - sorry Uncle - the two were off. The day had been a success in Zuko’s eyes; he felt more centered, more grounded in reality rather than just floating around in the clouds of his mind. Aang yammered on about his day, how much trouble he was having memorizing the Bill of Human Rights in its entirety. 

“Like, I know the laws; everyone deserves food, housing, blah blah blah but the wording is so inaccessible it's no wonder it gets violated constantly.”

“Maybe you could ask some of my actors for some tips. You won’t like my suggestions.” Zuko’s phone pinged, and Zuko’s stomach fell out his ass. 

Aang had his phone. 

“Sokka  _ wang fire sunglasses emoji? _ My man…” Zuko grumbled and snatched his phone out of Aang’s hand. 

“Shit is  _ that _ what that means? I truly thought he just thinks that highly of himself.”

“He does, don’t get me wrong-”

“He somehow managed to swipe my phone and changed all my contacts at the party. Or maybe after the party. I don’t really know.”

Aang halted for a second before he moved again. “You… thought it was really about his dick and  _ you didn’t change it? _ ” 

**[** **sokka🍆🔥😎; 4:46pm]🥺👉👈**

Zuko choked on his sip of coffee, from both Aang’s realization  _ and _ Sokka’s sheer bottom energy. “Listen dude I-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Aang gave Zuko the same mercy he was shown. Zuko bumped his whole body into Aang’s in an armless hug. 

**[me; 4:50pm] use your words i dont speak bottom**

The race to rehearsal was won, Zuko sliding into a seat in the front row as the last of his crew were trickling in. 

“Alright guys, why don’t we just get into our pairs, get into character, and improv. I want you guys to really get to know your character while also making the character your own. There’s so much wiggle room in this script, let's utilize it fully.” Zuko looked through his director’s binder, skimming some of his notes from the last rehearsal. “If you need extra instruction I’ll be floating around.”

And just like that, rehearsal was underway and Zuko could be a little more hands off than he usually was. 

“So you kinda just let them do their own thing?” Aang was chest deep in a seat, legs thrown over the arm scrolling on social media. 

“Not usually, I’m just out of it right now. Next week we’ll start blocking so if you wanna come for that. I could also use a few more pairs of hands on set design if that interests you. I really liked your work last semester in painting.”  _ Ping! _ Aang blushed and waved a hand toward Zuko. 

“Staahhhp, you don’t mean that.” Zuko scoffed, looking offended. 

“Have I ever said anything I didn’t mean to you?” Zuko unlocked his phone and rolled his eyes. This grown ass man really liked emojis, huh?

**[sokka🍆🔥😎;5:07pm]😳😳😳😳**

**[sokka🍆🔥😎;5:07pm] yes please, katara tossed my vic’s😤🤬**

Zuko made an offended sound for Sokka. The one time Azula tossed their recreational pills Zuko gave her a black eye. 

To be fair, she was getting back at him for  _ taking all of them _ . They practiced eye for an eye philosophy. It… wasn’t so funny anymore, now that he was literally losing an eye.

**[me;5:08pm]oh what a bitch. rehearsals over at 6**

“I’d love to help out whenever I’m free, when do you have tech meetings?” Aang finally tore his eyes away from his phone and looked up at Zuko, who sighed. 

“Literally every day, sometimes I don’t show but I trust my stage manager. You can just show up whichever days you want, I’ll let Hannah know to expect you.” The conversation naturally petered off, Zuko scribbling away in his director's binder and answering questions his actors had. Aang occasionally gave his opinion, usually having something interesting to say. 

Zuko knew he invited Aang over anyone else for a reason. And it wasn’t just that Aang was quickly becoming one of his best friends.  _ Ping! _

“You guys are doing an awful lot of talking for people who are pointedly  _ not talking to each other. _ ” Zuko mocked Aang in a high pitch tone while he checked his notifications. 

“I’ll have you know it’s not even Sokka.” Aang huffed, but craned his neck to hopefully get a peak at who it was. 

**[A Bad Decision; 5:26pm]free tonight? the freedom fighters and myself are gonna get shitfaced and eat pizza.**

Zuko knew what shitfaced and pizza would end up as, but honestly, what a way to end a day of trying not to think about Sokka. Zuko sent a quick ‘hell yes’ text before shoving his phone back in his bag. With a clap he got out of his chair, turning to the quieting group. 

“Alright, with a half hour left why don’t we share what we’ve been working on?”

* * *

As soon as Aang and Zuko came home, Zuko beelined it for his room. Carrying around a full bottle of oxy’s was making his bones itch. He  _ had _ to get them split up into smaller quantities. Hide them around, forget about them until he really needed them. 

At least that’s what his sober brain said. Addict brain was stirring, rousing with a dangerous gusto. He’d managed to get off the oxy’s for a while, he could just… keep on going. 

He could. He’d have to. 

With an unmarked orange pill bottle with five oxy’s in it, Zuko finally emerged from his room. The only extra in the quad was Katara, who Zuko did like as a person, but they had a Jet-sized rift between them. He wanted to ask what he’d done to her (as he was sure Katara wouldn’t just hurt someone to hurt them), but they weren’t quite there yet. 

Maybe he’d get it out of Jet. Probably not, Zuko was lucky to have made an impression on Jet. Or, maybe, Jet was just one of those people who really didn’t wear their heart on their sleeves, really hid behind walls and rarely let people see him. 

Did he even know Jet?

He didn’t need to. 

“Heads up.” Zuko shook the pill bottle once before launching it toward Sokka, who had his hand up to catch it. 

Aang had other plans. 

This boy launched himself over the breakfast bar (how the fuck did he manage to get those lanky limbs over the counter?) and snatched the pills right out of the air. With a loud thud he landed in the fetal position on the floor, but quickly scrambled up, face screwed into anger. 

“No!” Aang pointed at Zuko, fuming. “Absolutely not!” Aang was shaking, and everyone was frozen in place. He whipped around to look at Sokka, who still had his hand up, his face devoid of any color. “I can’t- Why- I just-  _ I can see the bruise on your face _ and you really wanna go there again?” 

“Aang, maybe you-” Katara stepped out of the kitchen toward Aang, but he held a hand up and stopped her in her tracks. 

“Are you trying to tell me I  _ live with two addicts?”  _ Aang’s voice was nearly a screech.

“Hey, I resent that-”

“Aang you don’t understand-” Sokka and Zuko looked at each other, instantly understanding the other in a completely new way. Zuko took a step toward Aang, hands outstretched toward him. “Aang don’t do-”

“Anything stupid?” Aang’s laugh was downright maniacal, and it struck fear into Sokka and Katara’s hearts. “ _ You’re  _ trying to tell  _ me _ not to do anything stupid? Ha!” Aang backed away from Zuko, toward the window wall. Away from everyone. He was still violently shaking when he got the  _ perfect _ idea. He popped off the lid, his hands shaking so bad the five pills made a sound. 

“Dude let’s just call it even and -  _ dude what the fuck. _ ” Sokka launched himself out of his chair as Aang dumped all the pills in his mouth and started chewing. Aang’s face immediately screwed into disgust, but he was unshakable. 

Now no one could have them. 

“Aang!” Zuko’s voice was high and frantic, and he hip checked Sokka out of the way and pulled a still chewing Aang into his body. “Spit.  _ Now. _ ” Zuko held out his hand and Aang just kept chewing. "I’ll go fishing for them, I’m  _ serious _ .” Aang clamped his mouth shut, but Zuko could see the dissolving rush of mania in Aang’s eyes. He sighed and resolved that he’d have to treat Aang  _ like a dog _ to save his fuckin’ life. 

“Spit now or I’ll make you.” Zuko felt Sokka by his side, and grabbed his hand, lifting it to Aang’s face. 

Were anything else going on his hand would linger. But this was nearly life or death. 

“Grab his jaw and squeeze. You know. Like a dog.” Zuko sighed, letting go of Sokka’s hand to let Sokka force Aang’s mouth open. Aang’s eyes still blazed with rage as Sokka grabbed ahold of his face, but he realized he was beat. 

“Fine. Mleehh.” Aang opened his mouth and let his oxy-covered tongue loll out. Zuko, true to his word, really  _ did _ stick his fingers in Aang’s mouth, scraping away every bit of white he could feasibly reach without gagging Aang more than he already was.

Addict-brain was suddenly very awake and unbearably present. At any other point of his life Zuko would have done absolutely anything to get high. 

Not today.

Instead he simply wiped the ruined pills on his pants. The chattering in his brain was insistent - because it was Katara’s mom-voice piercing through his one-track mind. He’d completely forgotten Katara was there, but instinctively knew what she was yammering on about. He held his hand out for the glass of water Katara was bringing over. 

“Now drink.” Zuko put the glass right on Aang’s lips for him, deciding that, for the night, Sokka and himself were gonna have to think for this asshole. Aang took the glass of water, but said nothing. Zuko patted Aang on the shoulder, then Sokka’s as he turned to deal with Katara. 

After all, he figured that he was the only other one in the quad to have ever chewed OxyCodone before. He approached her, hands shoved in his pockets and eyes cast down. She was pacing in the kitchen, but from what he could put together hadn’t called anyone yet.

“Katara, listen-”

“How  _ could you?  _ Do you just  _ have _ oxys?” Katara came up and grabbed ahold of his shirt, ready to rumble. 

“He’s gonna be fine Katara, please just calm-”

“ _ Calm down?!”  _ Katara released him and wound up to hit him but Zuko was quicker, grabbing her hand. “How am I supposed to calm down, he could.. he-” Katara’s eyes began to water, and Zuko slowly released himself from her grip. 

“I assure you, he’s going to be fine.”

“And how do you know that?” Katara calmed herself just as quickly as she worked herself up. Zuko let go of her, and Katara just slumped against the counter. 

“I… I know from experience.” Zuko put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and looked out to the pit where Sokka and Aang were whispering to each other and Aang was sipping on his water. 

“What on earth could make you  _ chew oxy’s? _ You realize that’s, like, junkie territory-”

“Katara, shut up!” It was Zuko’s turn for hushed anger. “When  _ your _ father tries to burn  _ you _ alive, you can talk to me about abusing pain medication.” Zuko yanked his hand back to his side and moved to make Aang a nice peanut butter sandwich. He heard Katara’s gasp, then realized what he’d just told her. 

He’d made it nearly a month without telling anybody, and he’d wanted it to stay under wraps.  _ You’re such a fucking idiot. _

“Zuko, I had no idea-”

“That’s ‘cause I didn’t want you guys to.” Zuko pulled Aang’s bread and various nut butters out of the cupboard. “You can’t tell anyone, okay?” He sighed and turned, first to look at her and second to get into their silverware drawer. “Please?” 

The tears in Katara’s eyes killed him. She must have been feeling so many emotions - Aang pulling the stunt of a lifetime and now he had told her his deep dark secret? Oops. He let her hug him, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing just a little, the way he knew she needed in that moment. 

“I’ll keep your secret. Promise.” Katara pulled back and wiped her tears. Zuko simply nodded and offered her a lopsided smile. 

“Aang! What kind of butter ya want in your sandwich?” Zuko raised his eyebrows at a very relaxed Aang. He might have been a little too late. 

“Any! It’s all good man.” Sokka snickered, Katara rolled her eyes. Zuko just slapped a very generous amount of cashew butter on a slice of bread and ran it over to him. 

“Down the hatch lover boy.” Sokka took the sandwich from Zuko and nearly fed it to Aang. “Why?” Sokka leaned over, whispering to Zuko who was slowly lowering himself into the pit right beside him. 

“It’ll soak up some of the medicine. Make it not so heavy on the stomach all at once. Like drinking - not a cure, just a halt.” Sokka nodded solemnly. He wrapped one arm around Aang and the other around Zuko and pushed them all over to accomodate for Katara, who came over with their largest pitcher full of water. 

“So what's the plan? I’ve had 911 dialed for the last half hour.” Katara turned to use Zuko as a seat back and relaxed a little. Somehow she already knew what Zuko would say.

“We pump him full of water and snacks for the next twelve hours and call 911 if he starts throwing up. Not much else we can do without alerting the police to the whereabouts of hardcore drugs.” Sokka’s arm was  _ still around Zuko _ and he had no plans of alerting Sokka to the casual touch. 

Being sandwiched between two of the most gorgeous people he’d ever seen wasn’t something that happened on the regular. Like hell he was gonna give that up. 

“Me? Throw up? Never!” Aang’s head lolled onto Sokka’s shoulder. Zuko leaned forward to smile at Aang.

“Yeah buddy?” Aang nodded.

“I’m flyin’ right now dude.” Aang’s eyes were wide open, and Zuko could see his blown out pupils. He looked unburdened, like the room could be on fire and Aang’s first thought would be a dissertation on the color of the fire encroaching on him. 

“Where to?” Sokka rested his head on top of Aang’s in a thinly disguised temperature check. 

“Oh, ya know, where I always go!” Aang’s hand came up and swam through the air like he was the passenger in a car, hand out the window. 

Aang did not finish his thought. Zuko and Sokka looked at each other and suppressed a snicker. 

“You gonna tell us where you are?” Katara was scrolling her phone, but otherwise was attentive. She had a need to be busy all the time. 

“Okay, but you  _ can’t  _ say anything to Katara.” Aang started to slide down Sokka’s arm, slow enough that Zuko could reach over Sokka and prop him back up. Katara’s mouth popped open around a smile, silently laughing as she turned her whole body to peek at him. 

“Alright Twinkle Toes, you got it.” Hey, if Aang thought she was someone different, why not fuck with him a little. 

“Ssanks! You guys know how in love I am with her right?” Aang’s face lit up in a blush, the way it always did when he talked about her. 

Katara was stunned into silence, her clamped shut mouth fighting a losing battle to her smile. 

“I sure do bud, it’s the only thing you ever talk about.” Sokka gave Aang the glass he’d taken from him, and Aang dutifully took a sip. 

He was basically just a warm piece of plastic.

“Well! Sometimes I imagine that I- uh that I…” Aang’s face scrunched in on itself with how hard he was trying to chase his runaway train of thought. Zuko was losing his battle with laughter just as hard as Katara was losing her smile battle. 

“How much could you really love her if you can’t remember what you’re talking about?” Zuko disguised his laugh as a cough. 

“So much man. I should call her!” Aang sat up, patting around the pit in search of his phone. 

“Nope, y’ain’t.” Sokka pushed him forward into the soft pillows of the pit. Aang toppled like dominoes and burst out into laughter. 

Zuko and Sokka had the same thought:  _ damn I wish I were that high. _

~

Two of their twelve hour window had passed, bringing them into the night. It was like chasing after a toddler - everytime Aang remembered how to use his legs they were done for. The list of things he thought he was included an airplane, a tree, and some kind of made up flying bison?

Weirdo. 

“Guys, guys, guyyysss!” Aang called from the pit, waving his arms from his lying position. Zuko slumped against the counter, pressing his forehead into the cold laminate. 

“Yeah?” Sokka called from the bathroom around a mouthful of toothpaste. 

“I can  _ control the air!”  _ Katara snort-laughed, pushing her laptop away from her and burying her face in her arms. 

“That’s sick bro.” Zuko picked up his heavy head, propping it up on a hand. “D’ya think I could control the air too, if I tried hard enough?” The kettle whistled, tearing Zuko away from the  _ riveting  _ conversation they were having. 

“Nah, you’re so hot all the time, I sssink you can control  _ fire _ . Now sssats fuckin’ sick.” Aang nodded, rolling over to his stomach. “Tea please?” Zuko poured four mugs, nodding thoughtfully. 

“You’ve really thought this through huh?” Zuko set two tea’s in front of Katara before bringing his and Aang’s into the living room. Aang did not move, just tapped the lap desk they’d given him in hopes of fewer spills, and for the most part it was working. 

“Yeah! Katara can control water, cause she’s so pretty and calm and an absolute powerhouse. And my favorite color is blue.” Aang wormed his way toward his cup, supermanning up to take a small sip without using his arms. “Sokka can’t control anything! Ssat’ll show him.” Zuko placed a hand over his eyes, quickly losing his resolve. Aang was just…  _ too  _ funny. 

“I resent that.” Sokka emerged from the bathroom, only to ruin three minutes of brushing with his tea. 

“You seem like a mele warrior anyway.” The thought didn’t even cross Zuko’s mind; it was a thought created in the back of his throat that clawed its way out before Zuko knew he was speaking. 

Great. Now Sokka had that stupid full-of-himself smile on his face. It was breathtaking. 

“I know my way around a spear.” He rolled his shoulders, not-so-subtly flexing. 

“We should order chinese from ssat place in Jay. Sse Jasmine Dragon, you know sse one Zuko?” Aang rolled again and Zuko caught the tea before Aang ruined another pillow.

“I think that one’s The Great Wall my man. Uncle owns the Dragon.” Aang sat up bolt straight all of a sudden, bringing everyone to tense attention. 

“Where’s the bathroom in this place? M’ boutta pee my pantssss.” Everyone relaxed, and Zuko put up a finger and made an invisible circle toward Sokka. 

“Your turn dude.” Sokka grumbled and lumbered over to the pit. 

“It better not be like this all night.”

“It will.” Sokka groaned as he helped Aang to his feet. 

“Aaaand done.” Katara closed her laptop and fit it into the light blue protective case. “Well! Goodnight!” Katara stood to leave, earning disappointed groans from all parties. 

“You’re not gonna stay?” Zuko stood, making his way out of the pit. 

“Heeellllll no,” Katara shoved her laptop in her bag, “I, regretfully, have to appear in front of my advisor at the ripe hour of six am.”

“Shut the fuck up, you’re meeting Professor Pakku for  _ coffee,  _ ya freak.” Sokka leaned against the wall right outside the bathroom. Zuko snickered, waving his hand toward the door. 

“If ya can’t hang,” he shrugged. 

“There's the door?” Sokka looked at Zuko inquisitively, finishing the song title for Zuko. He was rewarded with a point and tongue click. 

Katara silently waved her goodbye and slipped out of the quad just as the toilet flushed. Aang stumbled out of the bathroom, looking like he’d used up all his reserved energy. 

“Bedtime.” Aang nodded, heading back toward the pit and just falling face first into it. 

He was asleep before Zuko came to cover him with a blanket. 

“Wanna pull for first shift?” Zuko grabbed the deck of playing cards off the shelves next to the pit and began to shuffle. Both men descended into the pit,their sighs a chorus of defeat and exhaustion. 

“Yeah, but then you’re gonna get your ass handed to you in a game of Uno.” Sokka leaned to the same shelf that held the playing cards, producing the newest version of Uno. 

“Okay but you can’t be angry when I pull all the draw twenty-fives. Aces high.”

The night was starting easily. They acted like people instead of weirdos who wouldn’t speak to each other more than ‘there’s coffee in the pot’. Sure, the circumstances of them returning to some kind of normal could be different. 

But the universe works in mysterious ways. 

Zuko pulls an eight and Sokka pulls a two, and the night begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TL;DR: Sokka's been addicted to Vicodin for his leg, Zuko's been addicted to miscellaneous drugs in his past and is currently fighting relapse. He currently has OxyCodone for his burns.   
> Sokka and Zuko are Not Speaking To Each Other.   
> Sokka gets angry at Katara for making decisions for him, and him and Aang get into a fist fight. It doesn't last long and there are no hard feelings.  
> Zuko takes a mental health day and works in customer service because it's with Uncle and he needs Uncle. Uncle then proceeds to lecture Zuko about miscommunication.  
> Aang and Zuko go to rehearsal.   
> Zuko offers oxy's to Sokka, and Aang decides the only way to get rid of them is to chew them all up. This boy gets high but he'll live cause Zuko's only a little bit of an idiot.   
> Sokka and Zuko decide to take shifts making sure Aang doesn't straight die in his sleep (spoiler alert he doesn't)
> 
> Thank you for reading!!! I love you guys so much it hurts me.


End file.
